


Use Somebody (But Not Just Anybody)

by Rebelguitargirl2015



Category: Clexa-fandom, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Co-Parenting, Drama, F/F, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, G!p Lexa, Horny! Clarke, Lexa is a multi-millionaire, Planned Pregnancy, Smut, These two dorks raise a baby together, clexa baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:34:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 55,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10087016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebelguitargirl2015/pseuds/Rebelguitargirl2015
Summary: Clarke has been wanting a baby for the longest time. She's twenty-seven years old and has had no luck. Her best friend Lexa has always wanted a kid too and had no luck either. What if Clarke asks Lexa to get her pregnant? What if they have a baby together and what if they fall in love in the process?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is yet another story of mine. I have a serious problem, guys. I've had this story idea for a while (I have a lot of story ideas, if you guys can't tell already). This is going to be a super short chapter. I really just wanted to put the idea out there. Future chapters will be so much longer but I want you guys to tell me if I should continue it or not.  
> Enjoy!

"Its negative." Clarke breathed as she walked out of her bathroom and over to Lexa.

"What?" Lexa asked in shock. "I was sure that I had it this time. What is wrong with you?" Lexa asked as she looked down to her private regions.

"This is definitely negative." Clarke said again.

This was only the third test they have taken over the past couple weeks. Clarke had wanted this for so long and she was glad her best friend agreed to do this with her. They were both twenty-seven and Clarke was sure that Lexa would had said no when she proposed that they should have sex to try to get her pregnant. Lexa agreed after some time and it was awkward at first. They had never slept together and they have been friends since they were nine-years old. Clarke never thought her life would come to this but she wanted this. They were both financially stable and they both wanted this, so why not do it together?

"Surely, we are going to have to go again. But not right now. I need to go have a nice but stern talk with my Commander because clearly she isn't doing her duties. And because I need to go to work. My company can't run by itself."

Clarke quickly found out that Lexa liked to call her dick, Commander. It was a cute nickname really. Clarke secretly liked it and she secretly called her dick that sometimes. It was pretty big, Clarke had to admit, it stood at seven inches. They've only slept together for the past couple of weeks and Clarke has quickly taken a liking to Lexa's dick.

Lexa owned her own company. It was pretty successful. It was a multi-millionaire dollar company and Clarke was so proud of Lexa. She remembered Lexa telling her one day she will have this and she did. Lexa built her empire and now she was sitting on her throne. Clarke was so happy for her.

"Okay," Clarke chuckled. "Well, maybe tonight or someday soon."

"Yes, of course. Tonight should be good. I'll be done with my talk by then." Lexa said seriously as she got up from the bed.

"I was really hoping it was going to be positive." Lexa said softly as she walked over to Clarke.

"Me too. We will just try again tonight."

"I'll bring the candles."

"Oh, god, Lexa. I don't need anymore candles. You always bring them over and you always leave them and buy more."

 “You can never have too many candles." Lexa said seriously.

"Get to work, you. I'll see you tonight." Clarke chided.

"Have a good day at the hospital." Lexa said sincerely.

Clarke was a general surgeon at Arkadia memorial. Her mom was also a surgeon but she was a neurological surgeon. Clarke loved her job and she got paid well for doing it. Sure, some days were harder than others but she loved it nevertheless.

"Thank you." Clarke said as Lexa gathered her stuff and left.

* * *

 

"Alright, Clarke. Let's do this thing." Lexa said as she entered Clarke's apartment, holding two candles.

"Hello; Hi. How was your day; Oh, it was fine." Clarke pretended to have a conversation with herself.

"I'm sorry but I feel it. This is going to be the night and I'm ready to rock n' roll, so is the Commander. She's pretty happy right now."

Lexa was wearing sweatpants. Clarke looked down and she saw that Lexa was sporting a bulge. She really was happy. Clarke jumped up and dragged Lexa to her bedroom. Lexa lit the candles and then walked over to Clarke.

Lexa gently pushed Clarke down on the bed as she removed her sweatpants. Lexa leaned down for a soft kiss and her heart thudded in her chest. Clarke wrapped a hand around her neck and pulled Lexa down on top of her. Clarke kissed Lexa with everything she had and started removing her shirt. Lexa took her shirt off and look down at Clarke.

"I really hope this works." Lexa panted out.

"Me too." Clarke said and she meant it. She wants it so bad. Clarke quickly removed her pants and underwear as Lexa took her boxers off and stroked her dick.

"Alright, Commander. Do your thing." Clarke couldn't help but giggle at Lexa. She was such a dork but Clarke loved it. Clarke's giggles silenced as Lexa slowly pushed into her. Clarke immediately pulled Lexa close and Lexa started pumping her hips. Clarke was laying on her back with Lexa between her legs and Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa's hips, pulling her in deep. She was drinking Lexa's dick in with her walls. Lexa groaned at being so deep in Clarke and this was exactly what she needed at dealing with Cage Wallace all day. His company had been trying to come after hers for the longest time.

Lexa wanted to stay between Clarke's legs all night and that was what she intended to do. She didn't want to leave the room until she had Clarke begging for her to stop. She didn't want to leave this room until Clarke got pregnant. She knew she wouldn't be able to tell unless they took a test but Lexa wanted this. God, she wanted a baby so bad.

Lexa started picking up her thrusts. She wanted to give it to Clarke good and by the moans that were escaping her mouth, she wasn't doing too bad. Clarke's boobs were bouncing with every thrust she made and Lexa leaned down and took a nipple into her mouth. She sucked it into her mouth and bit down on it. She heard Clarke hiss and she smirked. Lexa trailed her kisses up Clarke's neck and to her lips. She kissed Clarke long and hard as her hips smacked into Clarke's. Their skin slapping together was starting to echo around the room as Lexa picked up her pace. She pulled away from the kiss so she could focus on her thrusts and Clarke had a death grip on her shoulders.

"Fuck."

Clarke whined as Lexa hit deep inside of her. Lexa quickly flipped them so Clarke was on her knees. Lexa quickly slid back into Clarke's wet pussy. Clarke let out a deep moan as Lexa slid all the way into her and gripped her hips. Lexa started out with shallow thrust, knowing sometimes that her dick was too much for Clarke. When she felt Clarke start to relax, Lexa quickly sped up, pounding into Clarke. Clarke was moaning ever thrust and Lexa was groaning every other. She knew both of them were close and she was prepared to cum deep inside of Clarke.

Lexa pounded Clarke out with everything that she had. She wanted this, not just to make a baby but she always wanted to sleep with Clarke but never told her so. They have been friends for so long and she knew about her penis and was so accepting, they quickly became fast friends. Lexa developed the hugest crush on Clarke but she never told her and now she was here. With Clarke's ass out and rutting into her. Lexa felt like she going to let go at any moment and she did.

She came into Clarke. She thrusted deep into Clarke and stayed there, spilling her cum deep inside of her. Clarke moaned and Lexa quickly moved her hand down to rub Clarke's clit. Clarke's hips jerked up and she let out a squeak.

"Oh, god."

Lexa felt Clarke's walls tighten around her dick as she came. They both rode out their orgasms together and when they finally came down, Lexa pulled out. Clarke turned over to lay down and Lexa laid beside her.

"I have faith in this one. Did my Commander do good?" Lexa asked shyly and Clarke looked over to her with a smirk.

"Oh, yeah. That's exactly what I needed."

"Me too. Today was long."

"What happened?" Clarke asked as she played with Lexa's hair.

"Cage is a douche. He keeps trying to take my shares and it's not going to happen." Lexa grumbled.

"Well forget him and get over here and let's go again."

Lexa smiled at that.

"Yes ma'am." She saluted.

"You are such a dork." Clarke said as Lexa leaned down and kissed her.

"A dork who is determined to get you pregnant." Lexa teased and Clarke nodded.

"I sure hope so."

They looked at each other with soft eyes.

"I will."

Lexa spent all night trying to prove it.

* * *

 

It was two weeks later and the first thing Clarke did when she woke up was take a pregnancy test. She waited impatiently and laughed when she saw Lexa sprawled out in her bed, knocked out. She was glad it was the weekend because Lexa could sleep for however long she wanted. She hoped to all the gods that this test will be positive. They had been trying for a while.

Clarke's timer went off and she almost doubled over in tears when she saw those two red lines looking back at her. She actually cried out when she did.

"What is all the noise for?" Lexa grumbled.

"Umm, you might want to thank your Commander, because I'm pregnant." Clarke just about screamed and Lexa shot out of bed and ran over to her.

"Shut up, shut up. Please, Clarke don't fuck with me." Lexa said seriously as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"I'm not, look." Clarke cried as she shoved the pregnancy test into Lexa's hands. Lexa's eyes widened when she saw the result.

"Holy shit! I did it, I got you pregnant!" Lexa yelled.

"You did. Now, come here." Clarke said with her arms open wide. Lexa quickly hugged her and then looked back at the test.

"We should take another one later on today just to make sure." Lexa suggested and Clarke nodded.

* * *

 

Sure enough, later on that day, they took another one. And sure enough, it came out positive. Lexa cried and so did Clarke. This was all they wanted and they got to have it together. They weren't sure what was going to come of this but they knew they wanted it to happen. They were going to have a baby.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you sooo much for the support on this story!!!

It didn't hit Clarke until later that day when she was assisting her intern on a knee surgery. Clarke wasn't sure why she thought of it right now but she did. She was going to have a baby and she smiled at that. She knew she shouldn't be smiling in the middle of a surgery and she was happy her mask covered it. Right now, right this very second was a baby growing inside of her and that was all she ever wanted. She had failed at so many relationships and she didn't want to get into another one. But, she trusted Lexa and she knew they would always be friends. Once they have this baby, they will always be bound together. Clarke smiled at the thought as a whole. She had dreamed for so many nights that this would happen.

She was counting on Lexa to get her pregnant and she did. She couldn't wait for the day she actually became a mom. Clarke finished up the surgery and she skipped her way down the hall.

"What are you so happy about?" Her fellow resident Nathan Miller asked.

"Oh, nothing." Clarke hummed.

"Oh, really?" Nathan asked back. "Would it have to do with the gorgeous brunette waiting in the lobby for you?" He hummed back and Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Maybe." Clarke said mischievously.

"You totally have the hots for her."

"I guess that happens when you sleep with someone." Nathan pretended to gasp but he knew their situation. He was one of the first people to know. Besides, Raven and Octavia. Clarke told them everything. But no one knew that she was pregnant.

A couple of days had passed and they took another test because they couldn't quite believe that Clarke was actually pregnant. They cried way more than they were going to admit when the test once again came out positive. They celebrated that whole night by having sex.

"Hey, you." Clarke said as she walked over to Lexa and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Nathan made kissing noises in the background and Lexa glared at him. That quickly got him to stop. Nathan will never admit it, but Lexa scares him.

"Ready for lunch?" Lexa asked with a smirk. She was wearing one of her pantsuits and looked absolutely stunning.

"You know it." They went across the street to the sand which shop and after they order their sandwiches, they sat down.

"I still can't believe you are pregnant." Lexa said lowly but happily.

"Me neither." Clarke sighed.

"I can't believe I got you pregnant." Lexa said as she sat back and looked at Clarke. She looked so cute in her scrubs.

"I know. I was starting to lose faith. I know we weren't sleeping together for too long but still, I wanted this and I'm glad we can have this together." Clarke said seriously.

"It's a big commitment." Lexa opened up a can of worms.

"I know but I'm ready for this. I've been ready and I trust you Lexa. We can do this."

"We can, can't we?" Lexa asked rhetorically.

"When should we tell people? Should we wait for my first ultrasound?" Clarke asked and Lexa's face paled. Clarke's parents had no idea about the arrangement they had and Lexa wasn't ready to tell them yet.

"You do realize your dad will kill me! Your mom too! My vote is never."

"Oh, come on. This is big news. I'm happy to share it with them."

"They will kill me." Lexa pointed out.

"Yeah, probably," Clarke agreed after a moment. "But, still. We should tell them."

"Yeah, we should. Maybe, dinner this weekend?" Lexa suggested and Clarke nodded.

"Yeah, that could work."

* * *

 

Lexa was so nervous. It was not everyday you tell a girl's parents you got her pregnant. Lexa was glad that she has her Will written out because she was sure she was going to die today. Clarke kept telling her that she will be fine and Lexa gaped at her. It was easy for her to say. Clarke was their baby girl and knew that she wanted a baby, they will be happy for her but they would want to kill Lexa in the process. Lexa knew this.

Lexa frowned as Clarke knocked on the door to her parents house. She knew they were home, both the cars were in the driveway and the lights were on. Lexa tried to act normal as Abby opened the door.

"My two favorite girls!" Abby exclaimed. "Come in, come in. I made your favorite, chicken casserole." They both walked inside and closed the door.

"There's my baby girl." Jake said as he got up and hugged his daughter, he then went over to hug Lexa. Lexa hugged him back and smiled at him. "Hey, Lexa."

"Sup, Jake."

"How's that glorious company of yours?" Abby asked as she poured drinks for them.

"Amazing. It's going really good."

"That's so good to hear, sweetie."

They all sat down at the dinner table and Lexa was starting to get nervous again. She should stand so she had better access to move, if need be. But, she stayed seated and stayed by Clarke.

"Mom. Dad," Clarke addressed her parents. "We have some news." Her parents looked over at her with confused expressions

"What's going on honey?"

Clarke took a deep breathe before she answered.

"I'm pregnant," Clarke started out. "Lexa got me pregnant."

Lexa waited silently for Clarke's parents to say something. She wasn't sure how they were going to react. She was still alive, so that was a good sign.

"Oh, my god. Really? But how? I mean, I know how. I just didn't know you two were having sex." Abby rushed out.

"Well, we wanted this for a long time and we figured why not have one together." Clarke shrugged, she was getting ready to say more when Jake interrupted.

"You got my daughter pregnant, I'm going to kill you!" Jake shouted and Lexa's eyes widened. She knew she should've stood for this.

Lexa quickly got up and Jake chased her around the house. Followed by Clarke, followed by Abby. They all chased each other but Lexa was faster. Faster than all of them and dashed out the house before Jake could get her.

"Dad! Stop!" Clarke yelled.

Jake finally calmed down at hearing his daughter's voice. Lexa was down by the mailbox and was getting ready to dash down the street when she heard Clarke yell.

"Let's just go back inside and have a nice, civil conversation, Jake." Abby said out of breath.

"Fine." Jake grumbled. He wasn't going to admit that he couldn't run anymore and Lexa took careful steps toward the Griffin family.

"It's okay, Lexa." Abby said encouragingly and Lexa nodded as they headed inside.

"Let's try this again." Abby glared out at her husband.

"Well, yeah. I'm pregnant and me and Lexa have been trying for a while." Clarke started to explain.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Abby asked confused.

"Because, the test kept coming out negative." Clarke answered.

"Do you have any idea what you guys are getting yourselves into? You guys aren't even together yet you want to raise a baby?" Jake asked incredulously.  

Clarke knew her dad was right about that. They weren't together but they wanted to have a baby and Clarke would stop and didn't stop at anything until she got one.

"I know! But this is what we both want. We had a long talk about it before we started having sex. This is what we wanted."

"Okay, first, stop using the word sex. It's creeps me out. You are my little girl and second, I'm still mad that you never said anything." Jake said as she looked at his daughter.

"But here I was wasting away, waiting for a grand baby." Jake added and Abby playfully swatted at her husband.

"If you wanted one so badly, why did you try to kill me?" Lexa asked with wide eyes.

"Because this is my daughter you are talking about and one day you will understand." Jake said. Lexa's heart fluttered at that, she hoped on everything she would understand one day.

"I'm sorry," Jake said stubbornly without making eye-contact. "For trying to kill you."

"It's okay."

"I'm happy, really. You guys are adults and if this is what you want then so be it. Will you guys share custody? Like how is this going to work?" Jake asked curiously.

"This is probably not the answer you want to hear but we don't know. We know that we will probably live together to raise the baby. We don't have to go through custody battles unless we really need too. We agree to be on the same page when it comes to this baby." Clarke answered and Lexa nodded. She was on the edge of her seat, in case she needed to run again.

"Well, I for one, am totally excited. Lexa, you are so beautiful. You guys will make a gorgeous baby." Abby gushed.

Lexa blushed at that and so did Clarke. Clarke agreed with her mom though. Lexa was so pretty. She had long brown hair that she liked to wear back in braids and these beautiful green eyes and high cheek bones. Lexa was a prefect candidate for this. Her health was in good shape and she was fit too.

"Thank you. Rest assured, I will be here through the end and through this pregnancy. You guys are like my parents and you know me, I will be here for your daughter through this whole thing."

"We know, sweetie."

"Yeah, we know," Jake grumbled. "Because if you don't, I'm going to actually kill you this time."

Lexa's eyes widened once again, Abby groaned and Clarke yelled at her dad for threatening Lexa again.

* * *

 

After things had calmed down, they ate dinner. Lexa avoided conversation with Jake because honestly she was scared. He more or less glared at her the whole time, but Abby kept the conversation going.

"What do you think the gender will be?" Abby asked excitedly.

"I want a boy." Lexa said immediately.

"Yeah, well what if it's not a boy?" Jake asked sternly.

"I'll love her just the same." Lexa liked that answer and was relieved that Jake seemed to like it too.

"I'm hoping for a baby girl. She will be so cute." Abby gushed and Clarke did too.

"I know. I can't wait until we find out the gender and we can starting shopping for clothes." Clarke gushed back.

"Me too." Lexa added.

"How far along are you?" Jake asked.

"Maybe about two weeks, around that time." Clark answered and Lexa nodded.

Dinner went smoothly after that. Jake was less hard on Lexa which everyone was grateful for. When they left, they made promises of keeping them posted on the pregnancy.

"Well, it could've been worse." Clarke said sheepishly.

"I knew it was a bad idea."

"My dad is happy but he still sees me as his baby girl, even though I'm an adult."

"I'm happy." Lexa said and Clarke smiled and looked down at her stomach.

"Me too."

* * *

 

Clarke woke up a couple of days later and threw up. She was just waiting for this to happen. Her mom told her that she had terrible morning sickness when she was pregnant with her. Clarke groaned, this was part of the pregnancy that she wasn't going to like very much.

Clarke flushed the toilet after she emptied the contents of her stomach and took a shower. Later on today, they were going to tell their closest friends that they were pregnant. Clarke wasn't ashamed about this, not one bit. She wanted to tell everyone who came into contact with her.

Luckily for them, most of their friends knew that they were sleeping together to try and get pregnant. Clarke invited them over after work and hoped they had no clue. She hoped they just thought they wanted to hang out. Clarke took a shower and got dressed for the day. She was ready to conquer it.

* * *

 

Clarke came home and straightened up before her friends came over. She lived in a two floor apartment. It was pretty cozy and she loved it. She didn't think she would want to raise her baby in it though. It was pretty roomy but she wanted as much room as possible.

Clarke heard a knock on her front door.

"Come in!" She yelled and heard the door open.

"Hey, princess." Bellamy came in. Bellamy was one of her oldest friends along with Octavia. They were friends since they were in diapers because their moms were best friends and still were.

"Hey, Griff."

Clarke got up and greeted her friends one by one. She was waiting for Lexa to show up so they could share the news. In the meantime, she ordered pizza.

"How's being a police officer?" Clarke asked Lincoln and he nodded with a smile.

"I love it." He gushed. Lincoln was a tall, dark man and he was all muscle. He was dating Octavia, one of her best friends. They were so freaking cute together.

"Doesn't beat working for NASA." Raven said with a smirk and everyone groaned playfully. It was a pretty big deal. No, it was a huge deal that Raven worked for a big company like NASA. Raven was just brilliant like that.

"How many times are you going to bring that up?" Anya asked playfully as she kissed her girlfriend's cheek.

"I can't get over it."

"Me neither."

Clarke heard a knock at the door and went to go answer it.

"Pizza delivery." Lexa said an a crazy, Italian accent and Clarke smiled.

"I already paid for it and told the pizza boy he didn't have to walk all the way down here."

"Thanks."

"It's no problem." Clarke said as she looked Lexa over. She was in a skinny jeans and a hoodie and looked absolutely gorgeous.

"You ready?" Lexa asked and Clarke nodded.

"So ready."

As they sat down and everyone grabbed the pizza they wanted. Clarke spoke.

"So, there's something we want to tell you-" Clarke didn't get to finish before Lexa blurted it out.

"I got Clarke pregnant." She said with a smirk and she watched everyone's shocked expressions.

"Wait, really?" Raven asked to clarify.

"Yup, the Commander-"

"Whoa, whoa, I love you Lexa but I will not listen to you talk about your thing." Anya cut her off.

"Seriously, congratulations though." Anya added and Lexa smiled at her.

"Thank you." Anya was one of Lexa's first friends she made, besides Clarke. They all grew up together and stayed in New York with each other. They loved the city.

"Oh my gosh. This is so good. You guys will be the first in our friend group to have a baby. I call dibs on aunt." Octavia said happily.

"No, I do." Raven argued.

"No, me." Anya stepped in.

"You guys can all be the aunts." Lexa reasoned and they all shrugged.

"I'm happy for you guys." Bellamy said as he shoved his pizza down his throat.

"Thanks, Bell."

"So, how is this going to work out?" Octavia asked curiously.

Clarke wished she would stop getting that question because the more she thought about it, the less she knew. She knew that Lexa would be there for her no matter what because this was her baby but they weren't together.

"We will just raise it as friends." Lexa shrugged and Clarke nodded.

Raven looked at Clarke with a question in her eyes, but Clarke quickly shook her head and Raven understood. Clarke enjoyed an evening with her friends and with Lexa and they discussed all things babies. She was so stoked that this was finally something she could talk about. She couldn't wait for the months to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I already said this but I mean it this time, after this Chapter, Chapters in the future are going to be way longer. Next chapter goes into full detail about how this all started. I hope you guys Enjoy it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how it started.

Clarke was nervous, to the point where she was burning holes into her floor from walking back and forth so much. This would work right? It wasn't everyday you just came at your best friend and ask if they can get you pregnant.

Clarke knew this was a life-changing moment and for the strangest reason, she wants to share that with Lexa. She wanted to share it with the girl who had been her best friend for the longest time. 

Clarke didn't immediately ask Lexa right away. She baited her in, she admitted it. She buttered her up with all her favorite foods and asked in the middle of her favorite show on Netflix. There was no other way too. It wasn't like they hadn't talked about this before, because they have but they haven't talked about it with each other.

"So, I was thinking more about this whole baby thing." Clarke had started out, trying to figure out the most reasonable approach to the conversation.

"Yeah, did you find anyone good?" Lexa asked as she ate some of her candy. 

She looked so cute lounged on her couch, eating candy in sweatpants. Clarke usually saw her with a scowl on her face, in a pantsuit and making executive decisions. It was such a nice contrast because Lexa was such a beautiful girl in any situation.

"I was thinking-" Clarke said seriously and Lexa sat up a bit.

"Do you really want a baby?" Clarke asked to make sure. She was totally chickening out but she wanted to do this.

"Yes. Since I was little. My parents gave me up for adoption and I just want a baby I can call mine. I'm of age and I'm making good money right now. I want a baby." Lexa said honestly. Clarke knew this was the perfect time to ask because that was the answer she wanted to hear.

"We should try together." Clarke hummed.

Clarke watched as Lexa choked on her candy.

"With me?" She squeaked out and pointed to herself.

"Yes, with you. I've been thinking. We both can't find any stable partners for this to happen. Why not do it together? We could do this, Lex." Clarke said with big, puppy eyes.

"Clarke, it's a huge commitment. I know we are best friends and I know I have equipment to get you pregnant. But, are you really sure?" Lexa asked with wide eyes. 

"Yes."

Clarke waited as she watched Lexa mull over this. She was biting her fingernails. A terrible   habit of hers. 

Lexa didn't answer for a long while and Clarke was getting worried.

"Oh, come on. Sexi Lexi." Clarke smirked.

Lexa glared over at her, "You promised you'd never call me that again." Lexa spat playfully.

"Have you thought about it, Lexi?" Clarke asked instead. Clarke knew Lexa secretly likes it when she calls her Lexi. They both knew.

"If we do this," Lexa started out slowly. "We would have to have sex with each other."

Of course, Clarke knew that they were going to have too. Clarke would be lying if she wasn't the least bit curious to see how much Lexa was packing. She knew they've been friends for a very long time but she had never seen her penis and would be lying if she said, she didn't want to.

"Yeah, I know," Clarke said as she looked over to Lexa. "If you aren't comfortable-" 

"I'm just making sure you would be okay with it. I mean, I haven't slept with anyone all year." Lexa said to clarify.

"Me neither. We could do this, Lex." Clarke said softly.

"It makes sense. We are best friends, I know everything about you. We both are getting older and we want to have a baby. I think we are both in the right mindset to do that." Lexa said to herself more than Clarke.

Clarke sat back and watched as Lexa mulled over this some more, until she found her nodding.

"Okay, but could we start tomorrow. I wasn't prepared to be ambushed like this." Lexa said with a shy smile.

"Yes, that's totally fine."

* * *

 

Lexa brought over various amounts of candles the next night. She lit all the candles up around Clarke's room.

"Don't you think that's a bit much?" Clarke asked warily.

"I'm trying to get you pregnant. I need to be in the mood." Lexa said back.

"So, I know we have had sex with other people but I've never had sex with you. I know there's a purpose behind this. Do you want me to take it slow? Or do you want me to just go for it?" Lexa asked as she took her shoes and socks off and Clarke did the same.

"You could just go for it. I mean, I'm not opposed." Clarke tried to play it off.

"I'll go for it but I'll be gentle. I want to make you feel good." Lexa said honestly and felt her cheeks starting to heat up.

"We should just go for it. It'll be nice, either way." Clarke said as she sat down on the bed and Lexa followed her. Clarke sat against her pillows and Lexa laid beside her.

"Should I kiss you? Or do you want me to just go straight for it?" 

Clarke's heart thudded in her chest at the possibility of Lexa kissing her. She didn't know why but she wanted her too.

"You can kiss me." Clarke said softly. Lexa leaned up slowly and connected her lips with Clarke and Clarke felt the world explode around her. Lexa's lips were so soft that Clarke couldn't help herself when she pulled her closer. Lexa climbed on top of Clarke and took her shirt off. 

Lexa pulled away to take her own shirt off and she smiled down at Clarke. Clarke's eyes were dark and full of lust and so were Lexa's. They were getting so into this. 

Clarke reached for Lexa's belt buckle as she scooted further down on her bed and Lexa leaned back down for a kiss. Clarke deepened the kiss and thought she never wanted to stop kissing this girl. This girl who happened to be her best friend. Clarke couldn't quite believe she was getting hot and intimate with her best friend but was loving it. Lexa molded so perfectly against her.

Lexa leaned down and started kissing her exposed skin and Clarke wrapped a hand around her neck. She didn't think it would be so intimate but what else was she going to expect? She knew that they were both on mission and knew she shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but she was. Clarke pulled Lexa's belt off and unzipped and unbuttoned her pants. Lexa pulled away and took her pants off. Clarke gasped when she saw the bulge sticking out in it and Lexa gave her a shy smile.

"It's been a while." Lexa said as a lame excuse and Clarke chuckled. 

"It's okay."

Lexa took her pants off and then took Clarke's pants off. She reached around and unhooked her bra before she leaned down and took a pink nipple into her mouth. She lapped her tongue against it and Clarke let out a moan. She was trying not to but hadn't been touched in so long and Lexa was touching her just right. Lexa gripped her other boob in her hand as she sucked the other. Clarke couldn't stop the gasps from coming out of her mouth as Lexa alternative from each breast.

Clarke reached down and blindly gripped Lexa's bulge as Lexa bit down on her nipple and jerked her hips. Clarke smirked down at her.

"I'm ready." Clarke breathed out and Lexa nodded. Clarke was more than ready. She was dripping wet and didn't think she would be. Lexa was _so_ hot and she looked so good on top of her. Lexa pulled away so she could take her boxers off. Clarke watched as her dick flopped out and her eyes widened. Lexa was way bigger than what she thought.

Lexa wasn't paying attention to Clarke's reaction though as she settled in between her legs and took her underwear off. Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes darkened and zeroed in on her. Clarke felt so opened and exposed but loved it. She loved that she was doing this with someone she trusted.

Lexa looked up at Clarke. The lights were off in Clarke's room and the only light around them was coming from the candles. But, Clarke saw her face and Clarke saw the absolute _want_ on Lexa's face and was excited for what was about to happen.

"You are _so_ wet." Lexa whined out.

"And you are way bigger than what I thought." Clarke said lowly.

"Seven inches," Lexa swallowed hard. "No big deal."

Lexa gripped onto Clarke's thigh. She moved closer in between her legs and Clarke gasped when she felt Lexa against her. She was _so_ hard and so big and so thick that Clarke's stomach started to roll at the events that were about to take place.

"Are you ready?" Lexa asked softly. They knew there was no going back after this. They also knew they both wanted this. This was all they talked about for months and they didn't know why they didn't think of this sooner.

"Yes, I'm ready." Clarke moaned out. She was so ready for this. More than she was willing to admit but it was clear she was by how wet she was. Lexa slowly moved towards Clarke's center. She guided her dick (she called it the Commander) to Clarke's lips. She ran her dick through her folds and they both jerk at the contact.

"Shit." Clarke hissed.

"Fuck." Lexa groaned.

Lexa was holding herself back. She thrusted her dick up and down Clarke's pussy. The head of her dick hitting Clarke's clit over and over again.

"Inside, Lex." Clarke panted.

They knew that this was getting personal real fast but there was nothing they could do about this. Lexa had wanted to do this for the longest time (so had Clarke) and now she was finally getting ready to do it. She wanted to take her time.

Lexa most certainly did not take her time. Lexa slowly slid inside of Clarke and Clarke gasped. Lexa stretched her walls out as she bottomed out all the way into Clarke. She stayed there and waited for Clarke to adjust. Lexa had to clench her jaw from keeping all the moans and groans from coming out. Lexa held onto one of Clarke's thighs and waited until Clarke was comfortable. Clarke was so tight against her and felt so good. Lexa almost sighed in relief when Clarke nodded and Lexa started moving in her.

Lexa intended on going slow, she did. But the second she thrusted out of Clarke just to thrust back in, she was so far gone, she thought she was on another planet. Clarke felt so damn good and there was no way she was going to take this slow. She drew Clarke's legs up and bent them. She held onto her knees and started to jerk her hips inside of her. She wanted to give Clarke enough time to adjust, but couldn't restrain her. 

Lexa started to pump her dick deep into Clarke and Clarke let out a whine.

"Fuck, you are so big."

Lexa immediately started to pick up speed. Clarke's moans were so hot and so deep and her head was spinning. It didn't take long for Lexa to started humping Clarke with everything she had. Lexa leaned down and kissed Clarke. Clarke deepened it and Lexa snuck her tongue into Clarke's mouth. Lexa couldn't help but moan when her tongue stroked against Clarke's. Lexa was having a hard time kissing Clarke and thrusting into her so she pulled away and started littering her neck with kisses. 

Clarke pulled her closer and wrapped her arms around her neck. She knew that this was way more intimate than what they wanted but was loving every second of it. Lexa was holding onto her while fucking her deep and she couldn't get enough of it. 

Lexa took a nipple back into her mouth as she thrusted hard into Clarke. The bed was rocking underneath them and the headboard was banging against the wall but Lexa wasn't going to stop. No, she was going to fuck Clarke with everything she had.

"Fuck, Lex." Clarke wailed and clench down on Lexa's member. Lexa let out a groan and Clarke did it again. 

"Clarke." Lexa whined out pathetically but didn't care. She was absolutely loving being inside Clarke.

"You're fucking me so good!"  Clarke cried out and Lexa nodded into her neck. 

Lexa could feel her orgasm nearing, but forced herself not to let go. Not yet, she wanted Clarke to cum first. So, she quickly licked two fingers and reached down and started rubbing Clarke's clit. She felt Clarke's walls quiver around her dick and knew it shouldn't be much longer until she came.

"Shit, shit, shit. Just like that- Lexa- _Lexa!"_ Clarke let out a high-pitched moan that sounded better than her running playlist and Clarke trapped her member down with her walls. Lexa could feel Clarke's cum running down her dick and gave one more thrust before letting go. She came deep inside of Clarke and let out a grunt. Lexa stayed inside of her until she was sure she was done. When she was, she removed herself from Clarke and looked down. She groaned as she saw Clarke try to keep her cum inside of her.

"That was so good." Clarke said with a hum and Lexa smiled, proud of herself.

"Should we wait to take a test?" 

"Yeah, I'll give it a couple of days." Clarke said back.

"Should we go again?" Lexa asked hopefully and Clarke nodded. Neither one of them could deny the fact that they wanted to go again but neither one of them admitted why they wanted to. Lexa leaned back down and kissed Clarke before she flipped her over.

"Is this okay?" Lexa asked as she licked and kissed Clarke's back.

Clarke nodded. She was laying on her stomach and Lexa drew her hips up and wasted no time sliding back into her.

Lexa let out a groan, she couldn't hold it in anymore. Clarke felt so amazing around her. She was so wet and it was all for her, Lexa couldn't get over it. 

Lexa started plowing inside of Clarke, jerking her hips in and out. Clarke was on her elbows and gripping at her bed sheets for dear-life. Lexa was giving it to her so good. Clarke bit down on her knuckles but that didn't stop the moans from coming out of her.

Lexa planted both hands on Clarke's sides and slid in and out of Clarke with ease. 

Clarke started thrusting her hips back every time Lexa would thrust them forward and their skin slapped against each other. Clarke dropped her head down onto the bed and surrendered herself to Lexa. Clarke could feel herself nearing her climax again and couldn't wait for it. She wanted to feel Lexa's cum deep inside her again. Lexa started to cry out every other thrust. She didn't even care anymore, she was getting ready to cum again. Clarke joined in with those cries and their moans mixed and matched with each other.

 Clarke was the first one to let go. Her body froze and she arched her back as she let out a cry.

"Lexa!"

Lexa pumped her hips a few more times before she spilled her cum inside of Clarke and she wondered why they have never had sex before. This was hands down the best sex she had ever had. Lexa went to lay down next to Clarke and Clarke hummed.

"I'm going to need a minute after that." Lexa nodded because she needed a minute to catch her breath too.

Lexa and Clarke spent that whole night, learning each other's bodies.

* * *

 

"So, no to the sperm donor?" Raven asked as Clarke told her the events that happened last night. Clarke had invited Raven and Octavia over after work.

"You sure this is a good idea?" Octavia asked.

"Yes, we both want it." 

"It's just weird. We all grew up together and now you two are sleeping together and trying to have a baby too!" Raven pointed out.

"I want this, guys." Clarke said.

"Want this or want her?" Raven asked slyly and Clarke glared at her and Octavia laughed. 

"Oh, come on. Who doesn't have a crush on Lexa and plus, she's totally packing." Raven hummed.

"How big?" Octavia asked curiously.

"Seven inches." And Octavia wooed.

"Wow, not bad, Griff." Octavia cheered.

"How long do you think you guys are going to try?" Raven asked.

"I'm not sure. However long it takes." Clarke answered.

"Well, I'm happy and you know we will support it." Octavia said seriously.

"Thank you. I thought you guys would tell me I'm crazy."

"Crazy, no. Desperate, yes." Raven teased and Clarke rolled her eyes but she agreed.

It was a desperate but rational move and she was glad her two best friends were so support of it. She wasn't getting any younger.

"Lexa is such a sweetheart. She would be an amazing mom, so would you." Octavia said.

"Thank you, O."

* * *

 

Clarke took her first pregnancy test a week later. She knew it was still early but was itching to know. Lexa was waiting outside for her.

"Are you done yet?" She heard her call and rolled her eyes. That's the third time she asked in less than a minute.

"Almost." Clarke called back as she zipped up her pants. She washed her hands and set the timer.

"Five minutes." Clarke said as she went to sit down next to Lexa. 

The two of them have been going at it like rabbits and Clarke doesn't know if it's because they want to or because they want to make a baby. Clarke went with the latter.

"What if it's positive? How cool would that be?" Lexa asked with a bright smile.

Clarke looked up at her and couldn't have picked a more supportive person to do this with her. She knew they weren't in a relationship and knew they weren't married but it would mean everything if they could bring a baby into this world. She knew this baby would have two loving parents.

"It would be amazing." Clarke breathed.

The test was negative and Clarke spent the whole night crying. She knew it was still early and that they could try again but she wanted it to be positive so bad and so did Lexa. Lexa held her the whole night and felt a pang in her chest. She wished the test would've been positive. She didn't know how much it would affect her relationship with Clarke but knew they wanted this baby. Lexa wasn't sure she ever wanted anything so bad (besides Clarke). Not everyone was cut out to have kids, but she knew she was. She could feel it in her soul, she wanted this baby and it hit her hard that the test came out negative. She knew they could try again but she hated having to deal with the results.

Lexa cradled Clarke into her chest the whole night and was determined. She was determined to get Clarke pregnant. 

* * *

 

Clarke took another pregnancy test a week later and it came out negative again. Lexa wasn't sure what to think but right after they took the test, they went at it again. Lexa honestly thought she had more sex now than her entire life and that was  probably true. She was absolutely loving being intimate with Clarke and she loved that she got to do this with her because she knew the end result would be so perfect. To bring a baby into this world, was her dream and couldn't wait for her dream to become a reality. She knew she wouldn't be saying that when the baby kept her up all night but at least she will have a baby to do that.

She wanted it. She wanted the baby life style and she swore, everyday when she went into work and she saw a mom with a baby, they are mocking her. She felt as if they know she wanted a baby and was still in the process of trying to make one.

She knew her life would change forever once a baby entered the picture. She would have to cut back her hours and she was glad she was her own boss and could get a lot of work done from home. She also knew that her and Clarke had a lot of talk about if they really did get pregnant because right now, they were just focused on trying to let it happen.

This was a very big decision, she knew that. And she knew she was still pretty young, but wasn't getting any younger and knew the only thing missing in her life was a family. An actual family. Could her and Clarke actually be a family? Could they actually raise a baby together? They would spend day and night with each other. Would they get on each other nerves? Lexa hoped to god not because ever since she was nine, she made a wish. 

She looked over at Clarke with her short blonde hair and her teeth missing. She made a wish, they were at the pond and Lexa looked at Clarke long and hard. She shouldn't be thinking this, she was only nine. But she made a wish. That she would have a family with Clarke and she hoped that one day, one day that, that wish would come true.

And it did.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too proud of this chapter (please bear with me) but it sets up the basis of this story. I struggled with this chapter a lot and I know it's a short one, please tell me if I got any information wrong. But, I hope you guys like it!

Lexa had just gotten out of a private meeting with some investors. No one who worked for her knew what was happening. She knew it was a dangerous move but she also knew that Cage Wallace was trading illegally. She would be damned if he tried to come after her company.

The two men, Gustus and Nyko, escorted themselves out and she made her way back to her office to watch the stock market. Lexa was one of the most paid stock brokers in New York and she knew it and so did Cage. She had a whole company of workers, from investment brokers to financial analysts to private investors.

Lexa was getting ready to log into her computer when her assistant, Emori, walked through the door.

"Clarke Griffin is calling your main, ma'am." Lexa nodded at her thankfully.

"Give these lists of numbers to Echo." Lexa instructed as she handed over the numbers she has been working on. Echo was one of her finest financial analysts.

"Sure, ma'am." Once Emori was gone, Lexa picked up her office phone.

"Hey, there." Lexa greeted.

"Hey, remember we have a doctors appointment at two." Clarke said quickly into the phone and Lexa chuckled. Clarke was already two months pregnant and they scheduled an ultrasound with Clarke's OBGYN, who also happened to be one of the nurses that worked with Clarke.

"Of course, I'm not going to forget. I'm just watching the stock market right now," Lexa said as she logged into her computer. "I have some paper work I need to do then I'm going to head on over."

"Okay, I'm nervous." Clarke confessed.

"There's nothing to be nervous about." Lexa said in a soft voice.

"You're right. I'll see you in a bit, Lex."

"Bye, Clarke."

* * *

 

Lexa's heart skipped a beat as she walked up to the room she knew Clarke was in. She was finally going to see some form of what was growing inside of Clarke. Something that she made with her. She knew sitting in on the ultrasounds was something a partner did, but she knew she wasn't Clarke's partner. They were just friends but they made this baby together and she couldn't wait to see it.

Nathan Miller told her what room she would be in and teased her about it. Clarke had told him when it was very obvious she couldn't hide it because she needed to make her ten-week appointment. 

Harper took Clarke to get her blood checked and she weighed her while Lexa waited patiently. When they were done they both entered the room again and Clarke went to go lay down on the bed.

"Alright, well you both know me, I'm Dr. McIntyre and I'm going to be your prenatal nurse through this whole thing and even deliver the baby. For Lexa's purposes, I'll explain what we are doing today. This is Clarke's ten week appointment and it was preferred at eight weeks but at ten weeks we can hear the heartbeat. I'll let you guys see the baby first and then we will listen to the heart beat. Does that sound good?"

Lexa nodded, "That sounds amazing." Lexa watched as Harper set everything up and squirt gel onto Clarke's stomach. The screen wasn't displayed yet and Harper was getting ready to show them.

"Alright, are you guys ready to see?" Harper asked. Lexa looked down at Clarke and she smiled. This is all she ever wanted and she is more than ready to see.

Harper instructed her to lift her shirt up a bit, she didn't have to take it fully off. Harper ready the monitor that Lexa was getting ready to see the life she created. She knows it will be a barely there picture but it would be a picture nevertheless.

"Here it is. In the bottom right there." Harper said as she pointed to the monitor and Clarke let out a happy gasp and so did Lexa.

"There it is!" Clarke cried and Lexa tried not to cry but she was already crying. She looked at the black and white picture of her soon to be baby and she cried because she couldn't believe it. She looked down at Clarke and she smiled and Clarke smiled up at her. Clarke had that twinkle in her eye, but Lexa knew it wasn't a sex twinkle. It was a happy twinkle. A 'we can do this' twinkle and Lexa couldn't agree more.

"It's really happening, isn't it?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded at her at the same time Harper answered.

"Yes ma'am, it is. Everything seems to be good, Clarke. You are eating right and seem to be in perfect condition. As your friend and nurse, I am truly happy for you." Harper said and Clarke smiled at her.

"Do you guys have any questions? I know Clarke knows almost all this stuff but if there's anything you guys want to know," Harper trailed off as she set up the Doppler.

"No, I think we are okay for now. It really helps that Clarke is a doctor." Lexa answered for the both of them.

Harper hummed and readied the Doppler before placing it on Clarke's stomach and started moving it around. The whole room was silent as Harper tried to find the heartbeat.

Lexa's breath caught in her chest and Clarke cried out when she heard it and Lexa smiled. This was such a heartwarming moment and she was soaking it all in. They listened to the heart beats for a few more minutes until Harper pulled the Doppler away. She went to print out the pictures of the ultrasound.

"Now, your due date is roughly going to be around December seventh. The latest in which your water should break is the fifteenth. I know Clarke is very well informed when it comes to pregnancy and giving birth but if you guys ever have any questions, please give me a call or you can schedule an appointment. It won't be to hard to contact me since me and Clarke work together." Harper joked and Clarke let out a happy laugh. Harper handed over the pictures to them.

"Thank you." Clarke said gratefully and Harper nodded.

"I'm happy I get to go on this journey with you." Harper said sincerely.

* * *

 

Lexa looked down at the ultrasound pictures. Clarke and Lexa decided to get a bite to eat after their appointment. They were currently sitting outside on the benches.

"I knew you were pregnant but seeing this makes it all the more real." Lexa said in disbelief and Clarke quickly nodded.

"I can't wait to show my parents." Clarke said happily and Lexa groaned a little bit at that.

"Yeah, because that worked out so well the first time." Lexa rolled her eyes.

"Oh, they know now. It won't be that bad." Clarke chided.

"I can't believe this." Clarke murmured as she looked over to her best friend. She couldn't believe they were doing this with each other.

"I know. When's the next appointment?" Lexa asked.

"We should go back when I'm about four months or five months." Clarke answered her.

"Do you want to come over after work?" Clarke then asked and Lexa smirked.

"Sure."

* * *

 

Clarke was tidying up her apartment when she heard the door opened. It didn't startle her, she knew exactly who it was.

"Hey." Lexa smiled as she walked into the apartment and walked over to Clarke.

"Hello." Clarke smirked and hugged Lexa. Lexa went to go sit down on the couch and Clarke followed her. Their skin was touching and Lexa's heart was racing. She was never really sure how to approach Clarke anymore.

What were you suppose to say to your best friend after you knocked them up? Lexa wanted to tell Clarke she was beautiful and that she couldn't wait for this baby. Lexa wanted to tell Clarke that she was in love with her. Lexa wanted to tell her how she still couldn't believe that this was happening. Clarke placed a hand on her thigh and she squeezed.

"I know this is early, but I want to talk to you about something." Clarke started out.

"What?" Lexa asked curiously.

"I want to move." Lexa looked over to Clarke at that. They both lived in apartments and they didn't live together. Where did Clarke want to move?

"Where?" Lexa asked.

"Into a house." Clarke said as if it were obvious and Lexa tried not to let her eyes widened, but they did. Clarke wanted to move into a house? She wasn't all that surprised, she just didn't know she wanted to move so soon.

"Finding the right house takes a while. I want to have it all figured out before the baby gets here. I know it's early but I want to do this because," Lexa saw as Clarke took a deep breath before continuing. "I think we should get a house together." Lexa's eyes did widened at that.

Clarke wanted to buy a house together? Not just by herself? But, with her? Lexa knew this was a huge commitment because once they sign for the house, there was no turning back. What did that say for them? Would they really go through this with each other? Would they just stay friends? Lexa had no idea.

"Wait, really?" Lexa asked dumbfounded.

"Yes, I think it would be the ultimate test. We are going to raise a baby together. We at least need to see if we can actually live with each other and stand each other." Clarke explained seriously and it made sense to Lexa.

Lexa didn't want to think this way, but what if things didn't work out the way she wanted it to? She had no idea how Clarke viewed her. Lexa knew she was her best friend and they have been best friends for a long time. But, Lexa didn't know how Clarke felt about her and it really messed up her head when they started sleeping together.

What if they didn't end up together? Lexa would want to have somewhere else to live if it didn't work out. If they buy a house together, there was no way out unless she kept the apartment she was renting now. Could they live together? They've spent the night with each other countless times but could they do it all day, everyday?

Clarke was right, it would be the ultimate test, because if they couldn't get along together then the baby was screwed. Lexa thought this idea was crazy, which was weird because this was all she had ever wanted. To live with Clarke. To be with Clarke all the time. To go to bed with Clarke.

Would they even sleep in the same room? Lexa wasn't sure what to say to Clarke and she hated that's she was even hesitating. Everything was happening so fast but in a good way. She couldn't count how many nights she had dreamed of having a little boy or girl. She hoped she could get the girl along with it. She hoped she could get Clarke, and here Clarke was so readily wanting to buy a house together and Lexa was starting to chicken out. There was no going back after this. Lexa would be tied down without being tied down at all. But, she wanted this.

"Okay." Clarke looked over at her with hope in her eyes. She understood that look because she was going through so many thoughts herself. Would they be able to do this?

"We should look for houses soon. I really want a house and not an apartment to raise our baby in. I hope we can do this together, Lex." Clarke said.

"Me too. It'll be good to see if we can handle it. Spending the night once a month with each other isn't the same thing as living with each other all the time. We should see if we can. Maybe, we can start looking next week." Lexa offered and Clarke smiled.

Lexa wanted to know exactly what she was getting herself into. She was in too deep with this. In way too deep with this but she wanted to be with Clarke. She had a little hope in her heart that Clarke wanted to be with her too. Why would she suggest living together? That literally meant coming home to each other everyday. Balancing out each other's schedule. Doing laundry together. Making dinner together. Eating dinner together. Doing household things together. Sharing things together.

The more Lexa thought about it, the more she was starting to like the idea. She would in a way, be with Clarke and she'd do anything for that to happen. So, she agreed to buying a house together and she had no idea what she just got herself into.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing smut way more than I will ever admit. I hope you guys enjoy!

Looking for the right house was _hard._ Lexa didn't think it would be much of a hassle, especially since they are both financially stable, but with one Lexa liked, Clarke didn't. A house they would look at would have something they wanted, but was missing something they needed. Lexa spent long nights at Clarke's place figuring out the perfect house. Was there a perfect house though? Lexa didn't really liked to peg herself as picky, but this was a big moment for her.

 

She had only ever lived in apartments in Albany, New York. Apartments and cities were all she was used too. She had a car and so djd Clarke, but they used taxies to get around most of the time. She'd be moving somewhere more suburban and it would be a totally change of scenery. Buying a house was up there with marriage for Lexa. She still couldn't  believe she was doing this. This would be the first house she had ever owned and she couldn't wait for it.

  
It had been weeks in the makings. Clarke and Lexa searched and searched. They told their family and friends what they were doing and they were happy that they were so supportive. Raven had that look in her eye again, but Clarke ignored it. Clarke was starting to show and Lexa was loving her little baby bump. It was barely there, hardly there, but Lexa could see it when Clarke would take her shirt off.

  
Lexa was eating pizza while Clarke was on her laptop. Clarke was wearing her glasses and Lexa thought she looked absolutely adorable. Lexa was enjoying a documentary on whales when Clarke gasped. Lexa almost choked on her pizza and she looked over to Clarke.

  
"What?" Lexa coughed out.

  
"Look!" Clarke turned her laptop around and she pointed at a picture of a house.

  
It was _beautiful._

  
It was made up of stone and the driveway was a badge color, compared to all the driveways that were black. Lexa saw nothing wrong with it, but she had always wanted a white or badge driveway. The grass was nicely cut and Clarke wordlessly scrolled through the pictures. It had decent size rooms, it had a backyard area, it had patio and a hot tub and a very spacious basement. Lexa was absolutely hooked already.

  
"It's a four bedroom house. They are selling it!" Clarke squealed and Lexa scooted closer to her.

  
"No way."

  
"Yes, they put it up on the website and they are looking to sell it. Do you like it?" Clarke asked shyly.

  
"Hell yeah. It's beautiful and it has everything we need, including a basement." Lexa reasoned.

  
"Should I put an offer on it?" Clarke asked as she bit her lip.

  
"Maybe we should call and then see if we can go see it." Clarke wrote down the number and she looked at the pictures more. It really was a beautiful house. But, Lexa wanted to see it in person.

  
"Should I call now? It's not too late." Clarke asked and Lexa nodded.

  
Lexa stayed quiet as Clarke talked to the owner of the house who seemed to have no problem with them coming by and looking at the house. The owner was looking to move out by the end of the month and was already in the process.

  
Clarke agreed that they would come by and see it this weekend and Lexa grinned at her.

  
"This is going to be awesome!"

* * *

  
Lexa stared up in awe at the house that they could potentially buy. The owners now kept it in perfect condition. Lexa still didn't think there could ever be a perfect house, but that thought was slowly starting to fade. This house was absolutely perfect. And she had that feeling.

  
That this would be the house her baby would grow up in.

  
That this could be the house she fell more in love with Clarke in.

  
They'd be in their own little bubble all the time.

  
She could already see her baby girl or boy just running around the yard, not having a care in the world.

  
The walk-way up to the front door was gorgeous, coated in various amounts of flowers that immediately caught Lexa's attention. They shook hands with the owner and he walked them around back first. There was a gate which had a pad lock to which you open it with and Lexa liked that. They knew that they could change the code and they were probably going too.

  
Lexa was met with a spacious backyard. It looked even bigger than the pictures. She spotted the hot tub on the patio along with the grill and she got excited. Lexa looked over to Clarke and saw the smile coating her face too.

  
The owner took them inside, starting with the basement. They walked through the back door that was connected to the basement and Lexa smiled again. The space that they could have is amazing. She could put her gym equipment down here and make it entertainment room. The walls were painted white and there was furniture and various boxes stacked up.

  
The owner showed them all around the house and Lexa saw how the kitchen had an island counter in the middle and how the kitchen counters were marble. She was falling in love with this house.

  
When the owner finished showing them the house, they walked into the kitchen.

  
"Now, I know I can't just hand you over the house. And I know you guys said you have a real estate lawyer which is good and-" The owner stopped talking. He was a middle-aged white man, he had wrinkles around his eyes and he was growing a beard. He stopped and he looked at Lexa and his eyes widened. Lexa looked at him confusedly.

  
"Oh, my god! This whole time- I didn't even recognize you. You're Lexa Woods!" The guys exclaimed and Lexa thought it was funny how this serious man who was showing the house he wanted to sell, turned into absolute mush when he saw her.

  
"I am." Lexa said with a small smile and Lexa noticed Clarke's proud expression.

  
"This would be, what, your seventh house?" He joked and Lexa let out a chuckle.

  
"Actually, it's my first. Um, my- Clarke- we are having a baby and we wanted to buy a house." Lexa explained awkwardly, but the man nodded in understanding.

  
"Totally understand. I raised my two boys in this house." The man explained.

  
"I will have no problem signing it over to you guys. It doesn't have to be a huge thing. Especially, if you want to buy it instead of rent. It should be ready by the end of this month." The man told her and Lexa nodded.

  
"Yes, we definitely want to buy it." Lexa said.

  
"Yeah, it's absolutely beautiful." Clarke added and the man smiled.

  
"Well, it's totally yours."

* * *

  
Lexa couldn't quite believe that this was already happening. Once they went through all the paperwork and once the previous owner's family moved out. Clarke and Lexa were moving in. The house was located in Saratoga Springs and it was about a thirty minute drive from where they both lived now, but it was totally worth it.

  
They hired a moving company to move all the stuff out of their apartments and into a moving truck. It didn't take as long as Lexa thought it would but not everything was here yet. It was dark by time they finally had most of the stuff in the house. They had furniture and kitchen supplies. They both knew they needed to go shopping and they both drove their cars down to the house followed by the moving vans.

  
They didn't get Lexa's bed yet as the night wore down. It was already ten at night and Lexa called it a day for the movers. They were lacking serious furniture and there was no artwork on the wall, but they had time to do that tomorrow. For right now, they settled on ordering pizza because it was too late and neither one of them wanted to cook and besides, they didn't have anything in the fridge.

  
The house was seriously huge. Lexa walked up the many steps before she realized that she didn't really have a room. They got Clarke's bed in here and Clarke was going to order another one. She had a queen size bed, but she wanted a king.

  
Lexa had no idea what the living arrangement was. There were a few couches downstairs, but the only furniture they really had up here was Clarke's bed.

  
Lexa awkwardly knocked on Clarke's door. Lexa was kind enough to give Clarke the master bedroom. There was a room right next to it, it wasn't as big as the master bedroom, but it was big enough for Lexa. Clarke argued that Lexa could have it, but then Lexa said that she was pregnant and she deserved all the space she could get.

  
They had to wait until the end of the month for the family to move out and when they did, they signed all the paperwork that would make this house theirs. It had both of their names on it and they were so proud. They really did this. They bought a house together and Lexa thought it was a great step for their little family. Were they even a family yet? Would they ever be a family? Lexa didn't know.

  
Lexa also didn't know where she was going to sleep tonight. Almost everything was in boxes. They had a couple boxes open so they could get out plates to eat and clothes to sleep in. Once their bellies were full, Clarke floated upstairs. Lexa said downstairs and wash the dishes that they used.

  
Lexa waited for Clarke to open the door and when she did, Lexa's eyes bugged out. Was that why she took so long to answer?

  
"Clarke?" Lexa squeaked out. Lexa noticed that her bed was resting on the floor. Clarke ordered herself a new bed and it was going to arrive in two days. She didn't see the point of her putting together a bed she would only have for two more days. The mattress rested on the floor and there were boxes lining the wall.

  
Clarke opened the door wearing absolutely nothing. Lexa thought she was brave because she was already three and a half months pregnant and she was showing, but she was glowing right now. Lexa was sure, she was drooling.

  
"Hey, " Clarke said lowly. "I just got out of my shower, I figured I didn't have to put anything on. What's up?" Clarke asked as if she didn't know.

  
"Well, they haven't moved my bed yet and I was just wondering- I mean I can go sleep on the couch- but like- what it be okay if I-"

 

Lexa didn't even finish her sentence before Clarke grabbed her by the hips and pulled her in.

  
"You don't know how horny I am. I don't know if it's from the baby or if it's just me, but I want you." Clarke husked and Lexa stared at her with what she was sure was lust.

  
Lexa didn't get a chance to respond before Clarke crashed their lips together and made their way to the bed. The bed was way lower than what either of them thought. Clarke went falling down and Lexa caught herself before she could crush Clarke.

  
"Are you okay?" Lexa immediately asked and Clarke nodded.

  
"I'm fine, I swear." Clarke said seriously and Lexa nodded.

  
"Take your clothes off." Clarke instructed and Lexa did as she was told. She stared down at Clarke and smiled.

  
"We can be as loud as we want." Lexa said and Clarke smirked.

  
"I can get used to this. Living alone." Clarke said as she pulled Lexa down for a kiss.

  
Lexa scooted them up to the head of the bed as she kissed down Clarke's body. Lexa didn't really think about what she was doing, she just did it. It was like a natural instinct, like she was made for loving Clarke.

  
It was still awkward for Lexa. She had no idea what to refer to Clarke as: Her best friend? Her lover? Her baby mama? Lexa chuckled at that and she knew she had peeked Clarke's interest.

  
"What's so funny down there?" Clarke asked and Lexa let go of the nipple she had in her mouth. She was gentle with Clarke's breasts. She knew how sore they were going to get.

  
"I was just thinking about how, you are technically my baby mama." Lexa laughed out and Clarke swatted at her.

  
"What?! You are." Lexa laughed again and Clarke laughed herself. She caught Lexa's eyes before she became serious again, but they didn't say anything to each other. They have found themselves in quite the predicament. Lexa was starting to think that this wasn't the greatest idea of theirs and she hated that she was thinking that way. But, they have had more awkward encounters to even count. They had no idea how to refer to each other, they had no idea how to act in public. Lexa loved that Clarke was pregnant and couldn't be happier. They were focused so much on making a baby together, that they weren't thinking about themselves and what that said for them.

  
Lexa decided that she wasn't going to think about the awkwardness. They were never awkward when they were in bed. Like Lexa said, natural instinct just took over and they fell into routine.

And they did just that.

  
Lexa leaned back down and connected her lips softly to Clarke's. She pulled at Clarke's bottom lip and Clarke let out a moan. Lexa squeezed Clarke's side and she felt her dick twitch, just waiting to get inside. She couldn't wait herself, but there was something she wanted to do first. She kissed Clarke one more time before she kissed down her body, stopping to kiss her baby bump, before proceeding to her destination.

  
Clarke caught on to what she was doing and she immediately opened her legs and Lexa let out a groan. Clarke smelled _so_ good and Lexa looked down and from the dim lighting of the room, she could tell Clarke was wet.

  
Lexa settled herself in between Clarke's legs and she kissed the inside of her thigh before she trailed her fingers up and into Clarke's folds. Lexa moaned at how soft she was and she very aware of how hard she was. Clarke looked down at her and her eyes were clouded over in lust. Clarke was so turned on and that turned Lexa on even more.

  
Lexa leaned down and licked through Clarke's folds and Clarke gasped. She opened her legs wider and Lexa scooted closer. Lexa wrapped a hand around one thigh and held the other thigh open with her other hand. Lexa couldn't wait to get more of Clarke. She licked her folds up and down and side to side.

 

Lexa drew her tongue up and flicked at her clit. Clarke cried out at that and she placed a hand on top of Lexa's hair. Lexa flicked her clit over and over again as Clarke thrusted her hips up into Lexa's face. Lexa was absolutely reveling in the juices that were spilling out of Clarke and was sucking them all up. She tasted so sweet and Lexa loved chocolate but she would gladly give that up, if it meant she could eat Clarke out for the rest of her days.

  
Lexa wrapped her lips around Clarke's clit and stroke her tongue against it. Clarke was wiggling around in bed, she couldn't stay still. Lexa placed a gentle hand on her stomach to keep her in place. Clarke was starting to become more vocal as Lexa swirled her tongue around her clit.

  
"Lexa." Clarke moaned out quietly.

  
Lexa wasn't letting up. She knew Clarke was close and she wasn't going to stop until Clarke came for her.

  
Clarke came a moment later. She arched her back and she cried out Lexa's name. Lexa was glad they were the only two in the house because Clarke's moans were echoing off the walls, because of the lack of stuff in her room.

  
Clarke's body shook beneath her and Lexa held on tight. Licking and sucking up all of her juices flowing out of her. When Clarke finally came down from her high, Lexa kissed back up Clarke's body until she reached her lips. Clarke pulled Lexa in for a deep kiss and she moaned upon tasting herself on Lexa. Lexa kissed her back just as deep and Clarke subtly guided Lexa in between her legs. Lexa got the hint of what Clarke wanted because she wanted it too. She pulled away from the kiss and reached down to line her dick up with Clarke's center and she slowly pushed in.

  
With all the planning to move and looking for houses and actually moving, they haven't had sex with each other in over three weeks and Lexa was loving every second of sliding into Clarke. It was easy with how wet she was and Lexa loved the way Clarke's walls immediately clenched down on her. Clarke was so _warm_ and _wet_ and Lexa buried herself in her.

  
Clarke whined the moment she felt Lexa bottom out inside of her. She wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck and Lexa buried her head in Clarke's neck as she pulled her close.

 

Lexa stayed still for a while and she wiggled her hips, she was giving Clarke time to adjust. When Clarke gave her the go ahead, she slowly pulled out and pushed back in. Lexa groaned lightly at the action. Clarke felt _amazing_ and she never wanted this to end. What if she could stay like this forever? Wrapped up in Clarke? Would Clarke even want that? Lexa decided not to think about it.

  
Lexa pulled out again and pushed back in slowly. She repeated this action over and over.

  
"Faster!" Clarke all but yelled at her and Lexa smiled down at her. Lexa kissed the side of Clarke's head.

  
"Okay." Lexa said breathlessly and she started picking up her pace. In order to do that, Clarke had to let go so she could move better. Lexa placed her hands by Clarke's sides and started grinding her hips into her. Clarke drew her legs up and Lexa slid even further into her and Clarke moaned at how deep Lexa was. Lexa leaned down and placed kisses all over Clarke's breasts. She was thrusting out of her at a consistent pace, but clearly wasn't good enough for Clarke.

  
"Harder." Clarke cried out and Lexa obeyed.

  
She placed one hand on Clarke's thigh and started hammering into her. Lexa let out a grunt here or there. There was no way she couldn't, Clarke was squeezing her walls perfectly.

  
Lexa reached down and she grabbed a hold of Clarke's boob and she squeezed, not to hard, but hard enough. Clarke spread her legs wider and Lexa moaned at being so deep inside of the girl. Lexa still couldn't quite believe she was in Clarke's bed of a house they just bought, pounding her out. But, she was here. She heard Clarke moan over and over again. They weren't those annoying high-pitched moans like her ex-girlfriend used to have. Clarke's moans were _hot._ They were deep and raspy and Lexa loved making her moan. Lexa was pounding Clarke out and Clarke threw her head back and was taking it like a champ. Lexa knew she wasn't going to slow down, no, this was exactly what Clarke wanted. To be fucked fast and hard and that's what Lexa was going to give her.

  
So, she didn't stop, she never wanted to. She rammed her dick into Clarke and there was no way so she could slow down, even if Clarke wanted her too. Lexa could hear her balls slapping against Clarke's center and she was so turned on. Everything about this was _hot_ , the way Clarke's boobs bounced with every thrust. The way Clarke would look her in the eyes and give her the dirtiest smirk. The way their moans and groans mix in with each other. The way their skin slapped together, showing just how much effort Lexa was putting into this. Her thrusts were actually effortlessly, she couldn't stop. She buried her dick deep inside of Clarke over and over again, until she felt Clarke start to shake underneath her.

 

This was it. It was happening and Lexa could feel it happening for herself too. She lived to make Clarke cum. It was the hottest thing she had ever witnessed and she knew this was so hot, intimate and way more than what they should be doing. They were just supposed to be friends and Lexa was just supposed to get her pregnant, but Lexa already got her pregnant. Lexa was never sure how to handle this situation.

  
She put her words behind her thrusts. She thrusted into Clarke fast and hard and she hoped her thrusts could translate how she felt. She wasn't sure if they did, but she felt Clarke lock up beneath her and felt as her walls clenched down on her dick. Clarke was squeezing her so tight, that she knew she was going to cum too. Just the simple fact of sending Clarke over edge made Lexa lose it and she spilled her cum deep inside of Clarke. She felt as spurt after spurt landed deep inside of Clarke and she stopped and stayed there. Clarke's walls were convulsing around her dick and when she felt them subside, she slowly pulled out of Clarke.

  
Lexa was breathing hard and so was Clarke. Lexa had a faint sheen of sweat coating her forehead when she leaned down and kissed Clarke again. Clarke slipped her tongue into her mouth and Lexa moaned. Clarke pulled away and Lexa laid down beside her.

  
"We just christened the bedroom." Clarke said with a lazy smile and Lexa giggled. Like a freaking school girl, she let out a giggle because Clarke was right, they just christened the bedroom. She couldn't wait to officially move in, get everything set up and live in this house with Clarke.

  
"We did, didn't we?" Lexa asked and Clarke nodded.

  
Clarke crawled over to Lexa and she wrapped herself up in her. Lexa hoped that Clarke couldn't feel her heart thrumming in her chest.

  
"We did and I totally want to go again, just give me a minute."

  
"I'll give you all the time in the world."

 

_Really Lexa?_

  
Lexa was so hooked on this girl and she didn't regret that slip-up. Clearly, she said the right thing because Clarke smiled up at her.

  
"Is that right?" Clarke asked smugly and Lexa nodded.

  
"I'll give you all the time in the world too, because the sex we just had, was amazing."

  
Was Clarke only in it for the sex? Was there even anything to be in? Lexa was internally panicking, but she stayed calm. Clarke reached down for her Commander and Lexa wasn't going to deny Clarke access.

  
She could never resist Clarke Griffin.


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

"Right there!" Clarke shouted as she looked down at Lexa.

  
Lexa moved.

  
"No, right there!" Clarke shouted again and Lexa groaned.

  
"Clarke, would you just pick a spot? No offense, but there is a baby growing inside of you. You aren't that light." Lexa groaned again.

  
"Well, if you would just follow my instructions." Clarke chided.

  
"You're pregnant, I don't like this idea." Lexa said seriously.

  
"Bellamy is using the ladder." Clarke reasoned.

  
"Maybe we should just wait until he is done and I can put it up." Lexa answered.

  
"You won't put it in the right spot." Clarke whined and Lexa gently lowered Clarke against her will.

  
Their house was slowly coming along. It was so weird referring to this as their house, but it was. They owned it together.

  
They were trying to put some art work up on the wall, but Bellamy was outside rigging up the security cameras. Lexa knew this was a pretty safe neighborhood, one of the various reasons why they wanted to move here, but Lexa wanted to feel safe at all times and wanted Clarke to feel safe too, so they wanted to install a camera system that would connect to the ones inside.

  
Jasper and Monty were over in the corner helping Raven and Anya move some more couches in and her mom and dad were looking around the house in awe. Clarke smirked, she was already proud of this place.

  
"Alright, I'm done." Bellamy's voice boomed as he walked through the front door.

  
"See!" Lexa looked over to Clarke, but she didn't wait for her to say anything as she walked outside so she could get the ladder.

  
"This place is killer, Clarke," Bellamy smiled over at her. "Imagine all the parties we could have here."

  
"Bell, she's pregnant." Octavia commented.

  
"We'll make nonalcoholic drinks then." Bellamy shrugged and Clarke rolled her eyes.

  
She would be lying if she said she didn't miss alcohol, because she did. But, she would proudly give it up. She was already four months pregnant and she was loving it, besides the morning sickness. She hated waking up to immediately emptying her stomach and she was getting to where certain foods were making her nauseous.

  
"This house is so beautiful!" Abby gushed from where she was standing in the kitchen and Clarke smiled.

  
"I know."

  
They had moved most of their stuff in already, including Lexa's bed. It was weird that they didn't go to sleep with each other at night, but what was there to say? Clarke didn't even think that Lexa wanted to spend nights with her, especially when she gets bigger. She had spent plenty of nights with Lexa and she wouldn't mind sleeping next to the girl every night, but she really didn't know their relationship with each other. Clarke knew she was the one that wanted this, and she would never take it back, but she could feel the strain that it was already taking on her relationship with Lexa and she didn't like it. They got along for the most part, but they just didn't know how to act around each other.

  
Do they cuddle with each other all day? Do they kiss each other goodbye before they go to work? Do they act like the other doesn't exist and go about their normal routine like they did when they lived by themselves. Clarke knew they had only lived together for nearly a week, but she could already feel the awkwardness.

  
Clarke pushed her thoughts away when Lexa came back in with the ladder and put up all the artwork and to Lexa's credit, she did a very good job.

  
Everything was almost all moved in, they didn't have any baby stuff and Clarke knew that she needed to talk to Lexa about that. But, all of their stuff was moved in along with the furniture and Clarke enjoyed an evening with her friends and family before yet another long week of work.

 

* * *

  
Clarke was sipping her coffee when she heard Lexa come down the stairs, her shirt was hanging around her shoulders, leaving her whole torso exposed, but she was wearing a bra. She was wearing black trousers and Clarke zeroed in on her private regions. Clarke had been thinking more of her thoughts from the previous day. She was seriously thinking more of how this may have not been the best idea of hers, but she quickly pushed it aside when Lexa spoke.

  
"Good morning." Lexa greeted as she pulled out various items to make a smoothie and Clarke smirked.

  
"Morning." Clarke purred and she knew she should probably talk to Lexa about the various thoughts that have crossed her mind, but she knew she wasn't going to.

 

Clarke slaughtered over to Lexa and she wrapped an arm around her seductively and she squeezed tight, enjoying the warmth of the taller girl's skin. She didn't know where this was coming from, but Lexa couldn't just come downstairs not wearing a shirt and Clarke not do anything about it.

  
Lexa hummed distractedly, but she didn't pull away from Clarke. She blended up her smoothie and poured it in a to-go cup and she turned around. Clarke immediately leaned in to kiss her. She knew that she probably had no right to, they weren't an item. But, Clarke claimed her lips and she kissed her hard and Lexa kissed her right back.

  
"When do you have to be at work?" Clarke asked against her lips and Lexa looked down at the watch on her wrist.

  
"An hour." Lexa responded hurriedly, already knowing where this was going. Clarke nodded and immediately unbuttoned Lexa's pants and pulled them down.

  
"Good, that leaves me enough time." Clarke didn't elaborate on what she was going to do to Lexa, but Lexa felt an excited tingle run through her as Clarke dropped to her knees. Lexa tried not to look down at her with love, and she hoped she didn't. Lexa instead tried to replace her love with awe as she watched Clarke pull her boxers down and she knew she was already hard. How can she not be with Clarke in between her legs?

  
She felt Clarke kiss her thighs and Lexa backed herself up into the counter and Clarke followed. Lexa's chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace, she couldn't wait for what Clarke was about to do.

  
She let out a soft moan as Clarke wrapped her hand around the base of her dick and she pulled it into her mouth. Lexa let out a gasp when Clarke took her whole length into her mouth. Her dick was suddenly engulfed in wet heat and she loved it. Clarke applied pressure and Lexa let out a groan as Clarke started to bob her head up and down. Lexa removed her shirt from across her shoulders and she placed it down gently on the counter and she moved her hand to Clarke's hair and she grabbed a hold of it. Clarke was jerking her dick off with every other suck and she was going at a restless pace. Lexa thought she could get used to having her dick sucked every morning before work.

  
Lexa looked down to watch Clarke work her dick and she groaned when she realized that Clarke was watching her too. Lexa blushed under the intensity of Clarke's stare and she focused on Clarke's mouth, stretching every time she devoured her dick. Clarke sucked the head of her dick into her mouth and started jerking her off and Lexa was close.

  
She braced herself against the counter and she started rocking her hips into Clarke's mouth. Clarke held her hands against Lexa's thighs and she nodded. Lexa started to jerk her dick more forcibly into Clarke's mouth, but not enough to hurt her. Clarke opened her mouth wide and let Lexa fuck her mouth. Lexa held Clarke's head in place and hammered her dick into her mouth. The moans that Clarke was letting out, vibrated against her dick, pulling her even closer to the edge.

  
_"Clarke!"_

  
Lexa let out a high-pitched moan and jerked her hips one more time into Clarke's mouth before she removed her dick and pumped it. She squeezed her eyes shut tight before she felt her cum come out and spill into Clarke's mouth.

 

When she was finished, she looked down and noticed Clarke had swallowed most of her cum and she groaned again. Lexa helped Clarke up to her feet and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

  
"I could get use to that." Lexa said against her lips and Clarke gave her a shy smile.

  
"Sorry for not giving you a warning, I just really wanted to suck your dick." Clarke explained and Lexa shook her head.

  
"Don't apologize for that," Lexa said as she looked at her watch. "I need to get going."

  
Clarke nodded, "Have a good day at work."

  
"You too." Lexa said as she left her new house.

* * *

  
Lexa thought living with Clarke would be a breeze, especially after the blow job that she had gotten earlier that week, but things were getting weird. Maybe, living in a house together wasn't a good step for them. Lexa thought they would be doing all these things together, but they weren't.

 

Lexa mostly ordered take-out because Clarke would work long hours and didn't want to come home and cook and she completely understood that. But, they didn't even eat with each other. They would get their food and disperse. They would greet each other and Lexa would ask how she was doing and how the pregnancy was going because she wanted to know, but she was realizing that things were changing between them and she didn't understand how.

 

She swore they were so happy to get this house and live together, but now that they were actually doing it, she didn't know what to think. They didn't even sleep in the same room and while she can understand that, she didn't know how to approach Clarke anymore and she didn't know why she felt like this.

  
Shouldn't she be with Clarke all the time since they lived together? Instead, they kind of walk over each other and Lexa wished she would talk to the girl. Clarke had to know of the apparent elephant in the room, because it took up the whole damn room. She wanted to shoo the elephant away, but then that would mean she might have to talk about her feelings for Clarke and she didn't know if she was ready for that. She was trying not to get too emotionally attached to her (That was a straight up lie. Lexa was so attached to her, you could call her glue). She didn't want to complicate things at all and she wanted Clarke to focus on her pregnancy because she loved watching Clarke be pregnant. She was showing now, not by a lot, but she was still showing. Lexa found that Clarke often liked to hold her belly in any situation.

  
They haven't had any sexual encounters since Monday morning when Clarke sucked her dick, she blushed at that thought, but she quickly forced it away.

  
Lexa found out that Clarke was messier than she thought, she didn't clean up after herself and it bugged Lexa. Lexa didn't like mess and she knew Clarke was messy, but that was before they started living together. Lexa found more dishes in the sink than necessary and she always found herself putting them in the dish washer. It didn't bug Lexa as much because she thought Clarke was cute, but it was the situation they were in, that made it bug her. They haven't talked as much as Lexa would have liked. She wished she would just start a conversation with the girl.

  
Lexa would understand if this happened a couple of months into living with each other, but it happened the second they did. She wished they could go back to the first night where they had sex all night long, but then again, they didn't talk all that much during that either.

  
Why did she have to make things so awkward? Wasn't this supposed to be a happy time for them and while it may be, they weren't enjoying it with each other. They would eat breakfast, go to work, come home from work and order food and eat it while doing separate things. Lexa just wanted to be around Clarke, but she also wanted to give Clarke space. She spent a lot of time with the girl, but she had never lived with her and in such a big house at that.

  
Lexa was starting to see how this was a lost cause and how maybe, she should just try to talk to Clarke. Maybe, she should act like everything was okay. She wanted to be around Clarke and she would put her feelings aside in order to do that. She really didn't know how to be around Clarke without wanting some kind of physical contact with the girl, but they weren't together. She knew she got her pregnant, but they weren't together and Lexa didn't know if they ever would be. She wished she would stop acting like such a baby and go talk to her. She really didn't know how to control herself around Clarke, but she was going to try.

  
She would try to hide her feelings for Clarke and focus on the baby and what Clarke needed out of this pregnancy. 

* * *

  
"Hey." Anya said into the phone and Lexa already knew that Anya had something to tell her.

  
"What's going on?" Lexa asked as she folded some of her laundry.

  
"I re-enlisted." Anya whispered into the phone and Lexa almost dropped it. Her eyes went wide at Anya's confession. Anya joined the army when they were in their late-teens. Instead of going to college, she signed up for the army. On one tour, she came back all busted up and it had been awhile since she had went back. Lexa knew it was going to happen, Anya was such a do-er and she had no doubt that Anya would eventually re-enlist.

  
"When do you leave?" Lexa asked, bracing herself for the answer.

  
"End of June." Anya answered and Lexa sucked in a breath, that was pretty soon.

  
"How long will you be gone?" Lexa asked.

  
"Maybe, half a year." Anya said a little unsure and Lexa felt her heart ache. Anya was one of her best friends, she was the one who knew her best, besides Clarke and now she was leaving for almost half a year, she'd pretty much miss the rest of Clarke's pregnancy.

  
"I'll try to be back in time for Clarke's birth, but I don't know." Anya said, still unsure.

  
"I'm gonna miss you, An." Lexa whispered.

  
"I know, but let's just make most of the time we have together now." Anya answered and Lexa nodded.

  
She folded her clothes with a new found sadness. She didn't tell Anya of the thoughts that invaded her mind, it was getting worse and worse and when Clarke came home from work, she greeted her quickly and she went upstairs and hadn't come back down since. Lexa knew she needed to go check on Clarke soon, but she felt sad. She didn't want Anya to miss this and she knew Anya didn't want to miss it, but this was her job, she was going to have to leave eventually, she just wished it didn't have to be now.

  
She wouldn't know who she would talk to about her feelings for Clarke, she wasn't even sure she wanted to talk about her feelings.

  
Lexa hung up the phone with promises to hang out soon. Clarke had came downstairs halfway through the phone call to get some food and then she went back upstairs and all Lexa wanted to do was cuddle with Clarke. Would Clarke even let her cuddle with her? She didn't know what had changed between them or if anything even did change between them. Where was the girl who sucked her dick a week ago?

  
Lexa wanted to scream with all the thoughts running through her mind. She finished folding her laundry with a sour expression.


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa was going to do it, she was. She amped herself up and even gave herself a pep talk before she walked upstairs. It was a late evening on a Friday, they had ordered pizza and Lexa ate downstairs while Clarke ate upstairs.

It had been a couple of weeks and they really hadn't talked that much and Clarke just disappeared. Lexa knew she was in her room, but she was always in there and Lexa wanted to know what she was doing. Maybe, she was sleeping. Lexa didn't know, but she was going to find out.

She wanted to hang out with Clarke tonight and it was weird that they lived in the same house but didn't talk to each other. Lexa wanted to talk to Clarke about so many things and she was going too, really.

She wasn't prepared for what she walked in on.

Lexa never really bothered Clarke when she was in her room, she wanted her to have her space and she realized why she didn't just barge into Clarke's room and this was why.

Clarke clearly didn't hear her come up the stairs because she was in complete shock when Lexa turned the knob and opened her door. There Clarke was, in all her naked glory, fingering herself and Lexa's mouth dropped open.

Clarke was as naked as the day she was born and she had her head thrown back. She was _moaning_ and Lexa just stared at her. Clarke stared back at her with wide eyes. Lexa couldn't help but notice, she looked so cute with her baby bump.

"Lexa!" Clarke yelled out in shock and Lexa had the decency to cover her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She said in a high-pitched voice that she didn't even recognize.

"Get out!" Clarke yelled again and Lexa was nodding. She didn't want to leave though, but she would since Clarke asked. She backed out the room and turned around. She was getting ready to walk down the hall and down the stairs, when she stopped herself.

_No, I'm not leaving_

Lexa would be crazy to. Clarke was completely naked and clearly horny. Lexa would be damned if she walked away from that. Lexa stood tall and she walked back to Clarke's room, which was really awkward for her because she just now realized how she was hard. The sounds that Clarke was making before she came into the room were just down right _dirty_ and Lexa wanted to hear more.

She was getting ready to open the door, when Clarke ripped the door open and stood before her. Lexa wasn't prepared for that action and she stumbled back a bit, but she smiled because Clarke was clearly thinking the same thing she was. Lexa knew this wasn't what she came up here for and she knew this wouldn't really help the situation they were in.

Lexa could tell by the look in Clarke's eyes that she was thinking the same thing.

The awkward silence, the missed glances and the separation between them wasn't spoken about tonight. Instead, Lexa decided that she was going to put all her words into her actions and she absolutely rendered Clarke speechless with the love she gave her that night.

Clarke grabbed the back of Lexa's neck and she crashed her lips against hers. Lexa immediately grabbed a hold of Clarke's hips and in one swift motion, turned Clarke around and back her against the door, effectively closing it behind them. Lexa showered kisses all over Clarke's neck and breathed her in. She wrapped her arms around her, not too tight, but tight enough. She held Clarke as she claimed her lips over and over again. She didn't want to put love behind it, but she did. This had been her best friend since she was nine and she was completely and utterly in love with her and showed her all night and into the morning.

"I want you." Clarke breathed out against her and Lexa's movements almost flattered, she tried not to think too much about it. Her best friend was naked underneath her and moaning with every kiss sucked into her neck. Lexa held onto Clarke to keep her grounded.

Lexa nodded and started walking them towards the bed. Clarke took Lexa's shirt off, followed by her bra. Lexa gently laid Clarke down and took her pants and boxers off.

When Lexa settled off to the side of Clarke, she grabbed a hold of her dick and she tugged. Lexa let out a deep moan and she knew this wasn't what she was supposed to be doing right now and looked up at Clarke. Lexa thought that maybe Clarke was thinking the same thing with the way her eyes shielded her emotions, but Lexa still saw the hunger in Clarke's eyes. Lexa had no doubt that she had that look herself. She scooted closer to Clarke and she placed a kiss on her neck before she lined her dick up with Clarke's center and she slowly pushed in. Clarke immediately grabbed onto her and Lexa slid in further.

"Please, give it to me Lexa." Clarke had a look in her eye that Lexa couldn't quite decipher, but she slid all the way into Clarke and she held it there. She moved her hips around and in circles and moaned at all the different spots she was hitting. Clarke had her head thrown back on her bed and Lexa started to jerk her hips into Clarke.

"Ohh." Clarke let out a loud moan and her grip around Lexa's neck tightened.

"What were you doing before I came in here Clarke?" Lexa grunted in between thrusts and Clarke looked confused for a moment, before her face flushed red.

"I think you know." Clarke breathed out. Lexa grounded her hips over and over into Clarke, she couldn't get enough.

"I want you to tell me." Lexa demanded as she slammed her dick into Clarke.

"Uhh.. I was fingering myself... and I was.. _Ahh_... thinking about you." Clarke moaned out in between Lexa pumping her hips into her. Lexa's dick was hitting all the right spots and Clarke didn't finish before Lexa barged in here.

"How many fingers?" Lexa asked as she leaned down and took Clarke's nipple in her mouth.

"Three." Clarke moaned out and before she knew it, her body locked up around Lexa's dick and let out a high-pitched moan.

Lexa stared down at Clarke in awe as Clarke rolled her hips into her dick in waves. Lexa immediately pulled out so she could settle directly in between her hips. She lifted Clarke's legs straight up, as far as they would go, and leaned against them as she re-entered Clarke before the girl had any time to regain herself.

Clarke was letting out moan after moan as Lexa thrusted into her. Lexa leaned even further on Clarke's legs, but made sure she wasn't crushing her baby bump. Lexa placed one hand on Clarke's thigh and the other on the bed and pounded into Clarke. Lexa was sweating with effort and her balls were slapping against Clarke's legs.

Lexa's thrusts started to become more frantic. And, with every other thrust, Clarke would call out her name. Her name sounded _so_ hot coming from Clarke's mouth.

Lexa still couldn't believed that she got to be so intimate with Clarke, her best friend for a very long time. Lexa knew the success of her company, but she never pictured Clarke being with her. But, Clarke wasn't really with her.

Lexa just thought that Clarke wouldn't have a hard time finding the right partner. But, she did. She spent countless nights crying to Lexa because she was finding this more harder than what she thought.

Lexa looked down at Clarke and she couldn't help it, she knew that she was conveying her love for Clarke behind every thrust she gave her. Lexa felt as if Clarke knew what she was trying to say because she started nodding and Lexa started to tense up. Lexa felt her balls tighten. She immediately stopped and pulled out of Clarke, spilling her load all of Clarke's legs.

Lexa wasn't really sure what to do now. Clarke was breathing hard beneath her and she was breathing hard too. Lexa removed herself from Clarke and leaned over and grabbed a towel from off the floor.

"Here." Lexa said softly and handed it over. Clarke took it wordlessly and started to clean herself off.

Lexa sighed. Should she had said something? Maybe she should leave and let Clarke be alone. Lexa had so many things that were just waiting to roll off her tongue. She was going to say them, she was, before Clarke spoke.

"Thank you for that. I'll call you back if I want to go again." Clarke said as she finished wiping herself clean. Lexa immediately put on her poker face even though a little bit of her died inside.

Did Clarke think she was some kind of sex doll? She couldn't possibly, because the looks she was giving her while they were having sex, said way more than this moment right now. Clarke was looking at her like she never wanted her to stop and while Clarke may have been blinded by lust, Lexa knew what she saw. But, Lexa got up and got dressed. Clarke did the same thing and she sat on her bed as she watched Lexa pull her sweatpants back on.

Lexa wasn't sure what to say. She was still getting over the sting of what Clarke just said, but she held herself together (She would let herself fall apart later that night). Lexa looked over at Clarke and she noticed how she wasn't looking at her. Lexa held her head high as she walked away from Clarke.

Mission failed.

* * *

 

It was the next morning and Lexa was putting her foot down. They had a lot of chores around the house they needed to do and they were bound to run into each other, they already had.

Clarke cooked them breakfast and for the first time in weeks, Clarke actually stayed downstairs and ate with Lexa. Clarke didn't make any advances on her. Lexa wished she would've because the awkward silence that endured was painful.

Lexa was vacuuming the family room because of all of the stuff they had moved in there and Clarke was doing the dishes. They had hooked some music up and it was playing through the speakers that they had installed and Lexa looked over at Clarke far too many times. She looked so cute walking around the kitchen with her little baby bump.

Lexa had finished vacuuming and she put it away in the storage closet off to the side of the garage door, when she walked into the kitchen slowly. Clarke was bobbing her head softly to the pop music that was playing throughout their house and Lexa went over to turn it down. Lexa wasn't prepared to ambush Clarke with her feelings, but she did. Clarke turned around and looked at her confused.

"I think we should talk." Lexa knew that wasn't the most ideal line, but wanted to get this off of her chest.

"About what?" Clarke asked as she turned the water off and dried her hands on the dish towel.

"What happened last night." Lexa didn't know if she was stating it or asking a question and she couldn't gauge Clarke's reaction at all.

"Was I bad in bed?" Clarke cringed and Lexa tried not to roll her eyes.

"No, Clarke. Are you not like... feeling it?" Lexa asked awkwardly. This was the only way she would get her point across.

"Feeling what, Lexa?" Clarke turned to Lexa and Lexa tried not to gape at her. If Clarke wasn't... Did Clarke not feel this too?

"Never mind." Lexa huffed and she turned around and was prepared to walk out.

But, she didn't.

She stopped herself before she walked out of the kitchen. She didn't want to walk away like a coward. A part of Lexa felt like Clarke was just acting right now.

"We're going to have a baby!" Lexa exclaimed as she looked over at Clarke.

"Yes! I know." Clarke responded, still confused as to what Lexa was trying to say.

"So, don't you think we should talk about this?" Lexa asked and she gestured between them. She just gave Clarke a sign as to what she was talking about and saw as Clarke stared at her. She couldn't make out her expression to save her life.

"You have to feel something." Lexa said in a desperate tone and Clarke continued to stare at her. Lexa was seeing how this maybe wasn't a good idea, but she wasn't one to back down. She ran her own company for Christ sakes, she could talk to the girl who was getting ready to have her baby.

"Lexa.." Lexa knew that tone. It was straight up pity and Lexa felt like a fool. She knew Clarke used her to get pregnant, that much was obvious. But she felt like an absolute fool.

"What did you think was going to happen Lexa? I know we bought the house and that's so we could be together for the pregnancy and for the baby." Clarke reasoned lamely and a part of Lexa wasn't even listening to her.

"So, what? We see other people?" Lexa asked and Clarke took a step towards her.

"That's not what I'm saying, Lexa."

"This baby bounds us together for eighteen fucking years." Lexa pointed out.

"I know. I know. We can be friends." Clarke suggested and Lexa huffed out a laugh.

Nothing was funny about this situation though.

"You can't be serious." Lexa breathed.

"I'm sorry, Lexa. I don't know what you want me to say." Clarke said in exasperation.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm leaving." Lexa announced.

"To go where?" Clarke asked desperately.

"The hell do you care? We aren't together." Lexa sneered and Clarke sighed.

"Lexa.." Clarke tried.

"Bye, Clarke."

"Lexa!"

Lexa slammed the door on Clarke's desperate pleas.


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Lexa thought this was terrible timing. Anya was leaving tomorrow and Lexa wished she wasn't. She couldn't have nights like this where Anya hung out with her. Anya clearly picked up on the fact that Lexa was upset and she felt bad that she was leaving her best friend. She was going to be away for a while and she wished she could stay with the girl.

Lexa had broke down and told Anya everything. How nothing was going to plan. How Clarke didn't view her in the same lighting. How she had easily gotten rid of her.

"Are you going to go back?" Anya asked. They were going to have a farewell party for Anya tomorrow at their house and Lexa thought that her and Clarke needed to be on the same page. But, Lexa didn't see how that was going to happen.

"I don't know. I probably should. It's getting late." Lexa answered, although a part of her didn't want to leave Anya and a part of her didn't want to deal with Clarke. Lexa wasn't even sure how she was going to face Clarke after this. She totally just put her heart on the line only for Clarke to completely crush it. She really has nothing to say to the girl. But, they had to act civil towards each other because she wanted Anya's farewell party to be a good one, she wouldn't be seeing the girl for a while.

"I'll call and write." Anya said quietly.

Neither one of them have talked about the fact that Anya was leaving tomorrow. Lexa was miserable about it. Anya has left plenty times in the past and Lexa was okay with it. She didn't know why it was hitting her so hard right now. She supposed it was because she really needed someone to lean on and it's hard to lean on someone who wasn't actually there. They've been spending their time wisely. Hanging out every chance they got. Going to lunch together. It was easy really, since she wasn't focused on getting Clarke pregnant anymore. She had more time for Anya and she was loving every second with the girl.

"I know you will. I'm just going to miss you." Lexa said softly and Anya nodded.

"Me too. Take care of Raven for me." Anya said and Lexa nodded.

"Of course."

"I wonder who's going to take care of you." Anya hummed seriously.

"It's not Clarke." Lexa said back sadly and Anya frowned.

"Talk to her again. I don't know, make her realize it or something." Anya suggested.

"I tried. I put my heart on the line for her." Lexa reasoned and Anya frowned again.

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"Hey, let's get you another beer." Anya suggested as she got up from her kitchen table to go to the fridge.

Lexa could very much use another one.

* * *

 

Clarke was starting to freak out. Actually no, she was already freaking out. It was past midnight and she knows she should be getting rest for the party tomorrow, but Lexa hasn't come home yet and she was worried.

What if something happened to her? She hadn't called or anything. Clarke couldn't necessarily say she was blind-sided by all of this, but a part of her was. She knew she was so set on getting pregnant that she was willing to do anything, like sleep with her best friend.

Clarke was seeing how this was not a good idea at all. Lexa was right when she said that this baby was going to bind them together for eighteen years. Clarke didn't know how she was going to handle that. She wanted to know if Lexa had always felt like this or was it just because she was pregnant? Clarke didn't know the answer and she wondered if it was worth it. Maybe she should've gotten an insemination or maybe she could've looked harder. She hadn't had any luck at all and Lexa was there and she wanted a baby too. Lexa was also the best candidate because she had money.

Clarke cringed when she thought about it, she thought this would be something they could do together. She really wasn't thinking about feelings. She loved being intimate with Lexa though, she was great in bed. She hadn't really thought about her feelings and it was scary for her to look at her best friend in such a different light. Clarke honestly didn't know if she had feelings for the girl and she stalled under pressure and it blew up in her face. Lexa was nowhere in sight and Clarke honestly wanted to call the police or something.

She was waiting on the couch in the family room, just hoping that Lexa would come in. She knew it was late and they probably wouldn't even talk when she got home, but Clarke honestly had to see the girl before she went to sleep.

Clarke looked up when she heard the door open and Lexa walked in. Clarke immediately looked her over and saw that she looked casual.

"Where have you been?" Clarke asked as she stood up and Lexa closed the front door. She put her keys on the key tray and took her shoes off.

"Out." Lexa grunted.

"Out where?" Clarke asked and she felt like one of those desperately wives that just wait around until their husbands come home.

"Why do you care?" Lexa pressed as she started walking up the stairs and Clarke followed her.

"Lexa, could you please just talk to me!" Clarke begged. They were halfway up the stairs when Lexa turned on her.

"You can use somebody, Clarke. But, I'm not just anybody. I'm your best friend."

Clarke was stunned into silence as she listened to her best friend. Her words pulled at every nook of her heart. She didn't know what to say and when it was clear that Lexa backed Clarke up into a corner, she continued walking up the stairs. She couldn't believe what Lexa just said to her. Clarke didn't even want to think about what Lexa just said to her and she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

This whole situation was bizarre and messed up and Clarke didn't know what to say. So, she didn't say anything. She watched Lexa walk into her bedroom and she slammed the door. Clarke knew it was going to happen but she jumped anyways.

Clarke did breathe easier now that Lexa was home but her words haunted her for the rest of the night.

* * *

 

"Look how big you have gotten!" Abby gushed to her daughter. Anya's going away party was in full swing and Clarke hasn't necessarily been avoiding Lexa, but she hasn't been talking to her either. Her friends and parents were all over the house in every which direction and Lexa proved to be a great hostess to everyone. Clarke couldn't deny that she had looked Lexa's way more than she should've. She had no idea what to say to Lexa. She hadn't had any alone time with her yet and she wishes she could.

"I know! I can hardly believe it." Clarke gushed back. She was showing now. It wasn't anything drastic, but you could definitely tell she was a pregnant woman now. Her mother went on about how they needed to do some serious shopping for the baby. Clarke couldn't help but look to the kitchen where Lexa was. She was pouring non-alcoholic drinks. She was struggling trying to carry them all and she took this as her cue.

"Sorry, mom. I should go help Lexa." Clarke rushed out and her mom was talking about gender-neutral clothes but she nodded in understanding.

"Let me help you." Clarke said as she rushed over to Lexa. The brunette didn't say anything to her but she sighed and she let go of the grip she had of the cups.

"Thanks." Lexa said quietly and Clarke nodded. They were playing their part, they weren't necessarily acting but they weren't being honest eithe. Clarke was going to miss Anya a lot, but she couldn't wait until they were alone so they could actually talk. They've been walking all over each other all day. This was a perfect example of it. Lexa refused to make eye contact with Clarke and she sighed. She didn't think it was going to turn out like this and maybe she should blame herself for the awkwardness.

"Lexa.." Clarke started as Lexa picked up the drinks.

"Not now, Clarke." Lexa said immediately.

"Then when?" Clarke said desperately.

"I don't know," Lexa stared out sarcastically. "Maybe after my best friend leaves for half a year to a blood-thirsty war." Lexa proceeded to walk out of the kitchen and again, Clarke was stunned into silence. She knew Lexa was hurting because Anya was leaving and she was being so selfish right now. She knew she was the cause of some of Lexa's pain and felt awful.

Clarke was glad that they were good at acting because no one questioned them. They thought they were living in a happy bliss because this was supposed to be a happy time in their lives. Clarke was happy for the baby growing inside of her but she was devastated with the situation with her best friend.

* * *

 

As the night went on, Clarke noticed how Lexa wouldn't leave Anya's side but it wasn't like Anya was complaining. The two stayed in their little bubble for a long while. Anya would be leaving soon, her flight was for early this morning. Clarke knew their time was almost up.

When it was actually time for Anya to leave, Clarke cried. She was going to miss the girl and she knew that Lexa was closer to her but they've grown close as well. It was going to be weird not seeing Anya around, especially since she was pregnant. Anya apologized over and over again about how she was going to miss most of it. Clarke waved her off. Almost everyone turned away as Lexa hugged Anya.

 _This is it,_ Lexa thought as she hugged her best friend. Anya held on tight to her.

"I'm scared." Anya whispered and Lexa shook her head.

"Don't be."

"Not for me. For you." Lexa gasped but she didn't pull away.

"I'm scared for me a little bit but mostly you."

"I'll be fine."

Anya held her even tighter, "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too. So much." Lexa broke down and she started crying. Almost everyone had gone home. It was just her, Anya, Raven and Clarke. Raven would wake up early tomorrow morning and say her goodbyes to her girlfriend.

"Shh. I'll be home before you know it."

"I'm going to miss you so much." Lexa cried louder this time and Clarke's heart ached.

"You will be just fine as will I." Anya said as she finally pulled away from her best friend. She wiped her tears away but that didn't stop Lexa from crying.

"See you soon." Anya said as Raven got up. Raven quickly hugged Clarke and then Lexa.

"Bye, Lexa." Anya said and Lexa nodded.

"Bye, Anya." Lexa didn't look at Clarke as she closed the door and turned around. She felt like it was a repeat of yesterday and she started walking up the stairs. Clarke silently followed her. Lexa felt empty for the most part. She couldn't believe her best friend was leaving her right now but she would never hold this against her. She didn't know what she was going to do and a part of her looked back at Clarke. She was following her with her head down.

"I wasn't using you." Clarke said quietly as they reached the top of the steps.

"Could've fooled me." Lexa sneered.

"What did you want me to do? You could've said no and I could've kept looking," Clarke said. "I wanted this too."

"This is harder than I thought." Lexa said as she walked to her bedroom.

"I wasn't using you. You aren't just anybody, Lexa."

"Why me, then? What did you think was going to happen? Why did you do this to me?" Lexa asked as she turned on Clarke.

"I don't know." Clarke said quietly.

"We have to figure this out before the baby is born."

"We have time." Clarke said back.

"You are my best friend. You are. But maybe we rushed it." Lexa said quietly.

"Lexa..."

"Clarke. This is serious. A baby is being born out of wedlock. I thought we had our shit together but we don't and we need to get it together before we have this baby." Lexa said seriously.

"I want to have this baby with you." Clarke pressed, though she knew Lexa wouldn't  believe her. She was completely putting her foot in her mouth.

"We can have this baby, obviously and maybe we shouldn't make any drastic decisions right now but we have to talk about this but not right now. I'm tired and Anya is leaving." Lexa's voice cracked and Clarke nodded.

"Okay. I'm sorry, Lex."

"Me too." Lexa said as she closed her door behind her. She swears her heart broke when she did. She allowed herself to cry tonight. She knew her best friend would be leaving sometime while she was sleeping. She knew she couldn't blame Clarke for what was happening. She knew that maybe they did rush it. Lexa wanted this though, she wasn't getting any younger. She didn't know what to think of this conversation and just wanted to go to sleep.

She knew that tomorrow morning or in the days to come that they really needed to sit down and talk about this. Lexa was completely dreading when it would happen.

* * *

 

Raven woke up when she heard her alarm go off and she poked her girlfriend.

"Time to leave." Raven yawned out. It was four in the morning and Anya groaned.

"You have to get up. Your car will be here any minute." Anya finally rose and she looked over to her girlfriend.

"I love you." Anya breathed and Raven nodded.

"I love you too. Come on, let's get your stuff together." Raven murmured and Anya finally got up and out of bed. Raven was right behind her, though she was walking a little slow.

"I'm so sore." Raven said with a dreamy smile.

"As you should be. When I get back, I'm going to give it to you just as hard." Anya smirked.

This wasn't the first time Anya has left Raven, but it was still hard. Raven was already crying and all Anya was doing was gathering her stuff. Raven helped her take the bags downstairs and sniffed the whole way.

"I'll get in contact with you as soon as I can." Anya promised as she embraced her girlfriend.

"I love you." Raven sobbed out and Anya held her tighter.

"I love you too," Anya whispered. "I'll be back before you know it. I want to hear all about Clarke's pregnancy." Raven nodded as they heard a car pull up into the parking lot of their townhouse.

"I guess this is it." Raven sighed.

"Take care of Lexa for me and yourself. And Clarke." Anya added and Raven nodded.

"Of course." Raven promised.

They couldn't stall anymore. Anya had to go and Raven's heart ached in her chest.

"You come back to me, you hear." Raven pointed a finger at her.

"I will." Anya nodded. She pulled her girlfriend in for a desperate kiss before she pulled away.

"Bye, Raven." Anya said quietly.

"Bye, Anya." Raven whispered.

Raven broke down the second the door closed and wondered what she was going to do without her girlfriend for half a year.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the wait guys. I never intended to take that long off this story. For those of you who are still reading, thank you very much. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It was eerily quiet as Lexa walked down the stairs. She was tiptoeing, because she knew Clarke would be up already.

 

Lexa didn't want to beat around the bush because there was a baby growing in Clarke's stomach and it's hers. She needed to step up and just talk to her.

 

Clarke was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a bottle of water. Her eyes were closed, but they opened when Lexa approached her.

 

Lexa didn't say anything, choosing to start making her smoothie first. Once everything was blended and in her cup, she sat down opposite of Clarke.

 

Clarke’s lips were pressed in a thin line. Lexa looked at her awkwardly as she sipped on her smoothie.

 

"Are we going to talk or just continue to walk on eggshells around each other?" Lexa asked. Clarke looked up at her and shrugged.

 

"I don't know what to say." Clarke whispered.

 

Lexa continued to stare at her. She really didn't want to have this conversation. She could already hear her heart breaking in a million pieces and the conversation hadn't even started.

 

"We have to figure this out. This isn’t working, Clarke." Lexa said through gritted teeth.

 

"I know we do, Lexa. I don't know what you want me to say." Clarke repeated. Lexa was starting to get annoyed.

 

"Are we going to stay friends?" Lexa asked quietly. This time Clarke sighed.

 

"I know we bought a house together, but that doesn’t automatically make us a couple, Lexa. That’s not how it works." Clarke said.

 

"So, what? We’re going to date other people and maybe settle down with them? What was the fucking point of me knocking you up?" Lexa asked angrily.

 

“That's not what I'm saying, but you can’t expect me to be in love with you just because you’re in love me with me.”

 

Lexa glared at her best friend, but didn't say anything. She rested her elbows on the table.

 

“I don't want us to see other people. I.. I..”

 

“You know what,” Lexa scoffed. “Forget it.”

 

Lexa got up from the table, about to storm off, when Clarke lunged out of her seat.

 

“Wait! Lexa, please!” Clarke begged, grabbing a hold of Lexa's wrist. Lexa turned around and growled. Clarke slowly let her go.

 

“Please, just… just sit down.” Clarke gestured to the chair. Lexa's whole body wanted to leave, but her mind told her to stay. Lexa didn't say anything as she sat back down.

 

“I'm not saying we can't be anything, but I also don't want to lie to you, Lexa. But who knows what could happen? I’m saying it’s a possibility.”

 

“Oh, I get it,” Lexa let out a dark chuckle, locking eyes with Clarke. “You just want to be on good terms so I can fuck you whenever you want. You just want to use me for my commander. Well guess what, she's not happy with you.” Lexa slammed her hands down on the table in anger.

 

Lexa didn't allow herself to regret her words even after seeing Clarke's hurt expression. Lexa almost wanted to smile.

 

“That's not what this is about. This about you and me. I don't want to lose you, Lexa,” Clarke cried. “I know you have feelings for me and I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I can’t say the same. You deserve better, I want to be better.”

 

“Clarke…”

 

“I can't lose you. Not like this. I’m not apologizing because I'm scared I'm going to lose you or to lure you in for sex. I'm saying this because you’re my best friend. You were the first person I allowed in my tree house. I never let Raven or Octavia in. We hung out everyday after school. You were there for all my break ups. We'd pass notes all throughout high school. Yes, we’ve had mind blowing sex and maybe you won't believe me, but it wasn't just about the sex. You’re more than just sex. You bring out the worst in me, Lexa, but you also bring out the side not everyone sees. You bring out the best in me. Losing you, would be like losing a piece of myself.”

 

"I remember when we would just go up there and forget the world," Lexa said softly as she smiled fondly at Clarke. "We'd go up there after school and hide out for hours with our favorite snacks."

  
  
"I would always tell you to stop feeding the squirrels because they would just keep coming back." Clarke reminisced with a small smile.

  
  
"I would never listen to you and kept asking why they wouldn't leave me alone." Lexa sighed.

  
  
"We would cuddle for hours until my mom called us down for dinner. We'd eat before you had to go home." Clarke remembered.

 

  
Lexa remembered those nights vividly. She would sit in Clarke's treehouse with her before she had to head back to her foster home.

  
  
"I would beg my foster mom to let me stay for just one more night. We didn't even sleep. We stayed up all night watching TV." Lexa said with a sad smile.

 

  
"We would talk about anything and everything."

  
  
"We'd talk for hours. Even in our sleep." Lexa added.

 

  
"We never got tired of each other." Clarke whispered locking eyes with Lexa.

 

Lexa wiped the tears falling out of her eyes. Clarke tried to discreetly wipe hers away too. Lexa sat back, but didn't say anything.

 

“I want to go on this journey with you, you’re my best friend. I didn't even think about the feelings and I should have. I'm sorry that I didn't, if I could take it back I would. I'm sorry I was only focused on the baby that I didn't take into account your feelings. You have every right to feel the way you do, Lexa. I can't say confess my undying love for you, but I do want to do this together. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else.”

 

“Do you really? Maybe I shouldn't have expected you to feel the same way, but the way you treated me was awful. Not when you say I’m your best friend. You don’t treat your friends that way, especially your best friend. I'm not just going to forgive you so easily.” Lexa said unconvinced.

 

“Yes! I know and you shouldn't!” Clarke cried. “I know I've done a terrible job showing that I want this baby with you. I can admit that, but I can’t force feelings nor do I want to lie to you and say I have the same feelings. Maybe something could happen, you never know. I want to keep that door open if that’s okay with you? I would like to try, if you'll let me? We could have a chance. I'd be willing to try and not just for the baby, but for you. You’re worth it, Lex.”

 

Lexa looked at her in shock. Clarke's eyes were shielded, but Lexa could still tell, she was being honest. Her forehead was creased in like it always was when Clarke was telling the truth.

 

“Try to be a couple?” Lexa asked confusedly.

 

“Everything, really. Parents, a couple, best friends. All of it. You mean too much to me to lose you like this.” Clarke said firmly.

 

“Can I hug you?” Lexa asked softly.

 

“I would love nothing more.” Clarke sobbed out. Lexa immediately stood up and grabbed a hold of Clarke. She wrapped her arms tight around her.

 

“I know this doesn't fix everything. I know we have a lot to talk about and work on, but I hope I'm taking the right step. I want to try and be better for you.” Clarke cried into her shoulder. Lexa held Clarke tighter, before letting her go.

 

“You’re right. It doesn't fix things right away and I'm sorry for putting that pressure on you. That was never my intention.” Lexa apologized gently.

 

“It's okay.”

 

“Where do we go from here?” Lexa asked.

 

“I don't know,” Clarke shrugged. “I think we should first learn how to live with each other and maybe do more things together. We used to all the time before I got pregnant.”

 

“Yeah, okay. I would like to hang out like we used to. I can do that.” Lexa stumbled over her words.

 

Clarke smiled up at her sadly.

 

“We need to head to work.” Clarke said quietly.

 

“I know,” Lexa sighed. “I guess I'll see you later?”

 

“Yeah, seeing as how we live together.” Clarke quipped back.

 

Lexa pressed her lips in a thin smile.

 

“Too soon?” Clarke cringed.

 

“Nah,” Lexa waved her off. “I'll see you later, though.” She said as they both finished getting ready and walking out the door.

 

They got in their separate cars before heading off to work. Lexa felt lighter after the talk. They didn't get very far, but for right now, it was enough for her.

 

It was a start.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke knocked on Raven’s door, waiting impatiently for her to open the door. She was contemplating breaking in after five minutes.

 

Raven threw the door open, wearing her robe with her hair was askew. She looked terrible and Clarke knew why. Clarke noticed Raven's eyes were red and puffy as she walked through the door. Clarke sighed as they sat on the couch.

 

"Have you talked to her?" Clarke asked softly.

 

"Barely. For like five minutes before she had to leave." Raven rasped out.

 

"Rae, I'm so sorry." Clarke pulled her friend in for a hug.

 

"I know it's only been a couple days, but I miss her. So much." Raven cried into Clarke's shoulder. Clarke didn't know if it was the fact that Raven was crying, or her own problems that had her wiping her own tears.

 

"She'll be back before you know it."

 

"She won't be back until after your pregnancy. She won't see your baby be born."

 

"So, we will record it for her." Clarke cried back.

 

"I have no one to cuddle with. Pillows don't do her body justice." Raven said leaning back on the couch.

 

Clarke sat back with her and rested her head against the couch.

 

"Well," Clarke said as she smoothed down some of Raven's hair. “I can be your cuddle buddy for a couple hours.”

 

Raven let out a sob, before she answered.

 

“I would love nothing more.” Raven said. They stayed silent for a few minutes. Clarke thought this might be a good time to let out her own feelings.

 

"She has feelings for me," Clarke muttered. "I don't know if I messed it up or not."

 

Raven stayed silent. She knew not to interrupt Clarke when she opened up like this.

 

"This could go two ways," Clarke continued. "We end up together and raise the baby or we don't. What if we don't? What if we don't make it? What if we can't? Then what? I would never be able to recover from that. What if I do fall in love with her? Would if we do become a family? Do I even deserve that?"

 

Raven looked at Clarke with a serious expression, "You deserve love."

 

"I feel like I cheated my way here. You and Anya are together and so are Octavia and Lincoln. Yet, Lexa and I ended up pregnant first. I don't deserve it."

 

"Your feelings are valid, Clarke."

 

"I can't force myself."

 

"But you can't lie to yourself either," Raven said lifting her head up from Clarke's shoulder. "What did you say to her?"

 

"We could try and work it out. That the door was open. It's been a couple days and our communication is better. What if it doesn't work though? What if we aren't compatible?" Clarke asked. 

 

"You don't know that unless you try,” Raven said softly. "Don't say no just because you’re scared. What if you really do fall in love with her? What if you raise this baby together as a couple? What if you realize you two could end up together?"

 

Clarke avoided Raven's eyes as tears rolled down her cheek.

 

"I messed it up. I don’t know if I can fix it. I was so awful and she didn’t deserve it. Any of it." Clarke sighed out.

 

"There's still time to fix it. Really fix it. You just need to stop being so stubborn," Raven said firmly. "You two were destined to be together!" Raven exclaimed.

 

"Really, Rae?" Clarke rolled her eyes. A part of Clarke wanted to believe her, another part thought that it was ridiculous. Raven scooted away from Clarke to properly look at her.

 

"Then why the hell did you decide to have a baby with her?" Raven drawled out. "You had sex with Lexa and she was the only one you wanted to get you pregnant. No one forced her to do this. She did this willingly. You both did. There’s no way you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into?"

 

Clarke clenched her jaw and squared her shoulders. She wanted to get up, but thought better of it.

 

"I did," Clarke admitted. "I know exactly what I was getting myself into and I still did it. Does that make me a monster?"

 

"To have a baby? God, honey, no," Raven rushed out. "How you go about the rest of your pregnancy is up to you, but Lexa is apart of it. I know how much she means to you."

 

"Thank you," Clarke rasped. "I have a lot of apologizing I need to do. I know it won't fix it but I just hope we could move past this."

 

"Don't be stubborn about it, Clarke. You need to be cautious of her feelings. I want you to do this for yourself because you deserve love too, but also for the baby. It's never too late. Don’t give up on yourself or Lexa." Raven said optimistically.

 

Clarke nodded because Raven was right. Clarke wasn't going to go home and confess she had been in love with Lexa the whole time, but hoped she would get there one day.

 

Maybe they could have their happily ever after, but it started with Clarke not being so cold and closed off. Lexa was an amazing woman who deserved a lot of things Clarke probably couldn't give her.

 

But she hoped she could try.


	10. Chapter 10

Lexa listened to the sound of the cue ball knocking against the rest of the balls on the table. Lexa gritted her teeth when she didn't manage to sink any balls. Lexa rested her hands against the table as Lincoln took his turn. She growled when he knocked in two stripe balls.

 

"Loosen up, Lexa. You’re only going to owe me fifty dollars after this." Lincoln smirked as he sunk another ball.

 

Lexa didn't say anything, just rolled her eyes as she watched Lincoln dominate her in pool.

 

"So, I know there's a reason you called to hang out." Lincoln said, sinking another ball. Lexa sighed running her hands over her face.

 

"I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past few  weeks." Lexa muttered. It was finally her turn to play.

 

"About what?" Lincoln asked.

  
"My baby. Clarke mostly." Lexa shrugged like it was no big deal. Lexa cursed again when she managed not to pocket any of her solids.

 

"What about it?" Lincoln asked slowly, choosing to stay in his spot, instead of taking his turn.

 

"It's not working." Lexa mumbled. Lincoln stayed silent as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

  
  
"What makes you say that?"

  
Three weeks had gone by without any progress. They had talked more which was great. They even hung out more at night instead of going to their separate rooms, but the added pressure of trying to make it work, and the baby, made things more difficult.

 

Lexa found herself awkward around Clarke, something she hardly ever was. Lexa would sigh heavily after every encounter they’d have. She just wished they could hang out without any tension like they used to.

 

Clarke was fully into her second trimester at five and a half months pregnant now, and fully showing. She had been around more at least, and not hiding out in her room like before.

 

They had an ultrasound in a couple of days to reveal the gender of the baby. Lexa was both nervous, and afraid. In a few days time, she would know what she was having, and it frightened her. She was really having a baby. It would completely change her life.

 

Lexa had tried with every fiber in her being to not hover. She wanted to give Clarke her space, and waited for the blonde to come to her. Which she hadn't done.

  
Lexa apologized profusely because she felt bad. She felt like she had somewhat, forced Clarke to try for her. Clarke shouldn't have to try for her, she should want to. Lexa wanted her to want to and not do it just for her.

 

Things were a mess between them, and Lexa was realizing that it wasn't working. She hadn't express her thoughts to Clarke yet. They’d both been busy with work, and trying to make it work, Lexa didn't know when the right time was to bring it up.

 

"I don't want to try just because she's pregnant." Lexa said.

  
  
"Do you want to get a drink? Come back to the game later?" Lincoln asked. Lexa was extremely grateful for his understanding. She immediately nodded making their way to the bar.

 

"What makes you think that?" Lincoln asked, taking a sip of his beer. Lexa went for something much stronger, whiskey.

  
  
"Things are just so awkward, Linc. It's like trying to make it work is only driving a wedge between us. We aren’t the same around each other anymore and I miss it. I miss my best friend." Lexa took a sip of her drink, appreciating the burn of the alcohol sliding down her throat.

  
  
"Have you talked to her about it?"

  
  
"No," Lexa groaned. "It's like an unspoken thing between us. We won't talk about it. It’s the elephant in the room. We have an ultrasound in a few days to reveal the gender and then we are planning to pick out some stuff for the baby, so I guess I’ll talk to her then."

  
  
"What if things go bad? Are you guys still going to have the gender reveal party?" Lincoln rested his elbows on the counter.

  
  
"Of course we will,” Lexa smiled slightly, before it dropped. “l don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead."

  
  
"I hope things work out for you guys." Lincoln said with a small smile.

  
  
"Thank you, but I have a feeling they won't. The tension between us is very, very high and I don’t see that changing anytime soon." Lexa sighed again, throwing back her drink.

  
  
She didn't know what would happen in a few days time, but she did know she would be happy to finally know the gender of their baby. At least she had that to look forward too.

* * *

 

The car ride was silent as they drove to the hospital. Lexa didn't dare utter a word the whole way there. A part of it nerves, the other part not knowing what to say.

 

It wasn't long before they arrived to the hospital. They both got out and got settled in a room. They had just gotten situated before Harper knocked and came in. Lexa sat down in a chair next to Clarke's bed, and was waiting with bated breath.

  
  
It felt like Harper was taking forever to set everything up.

  
  
"Alright," Harper exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "Are you guys ready to see the gender of your baby?"

  
  
They both nodded rapidly, to nervous to actually muster up any words.

  
  
Lexa listened to the heart beat sounding around the room, as Harper moved the Doppler around Clarke's stomach.

  
  
Harper stayed silent for a moment, which scared the hell out of Lexa. Lexa looked down at Clarke and they locked eyes. Lexa offered her a tiny smile, which Clarke returned before they looked back at Harper.

  
Harper had happy tears in her eyes as she pointed to the genitals on the screen.

  
  
"Looks like you’re having a boy." Harper squealed making Clarke gasp loudly. 

 

"Really?" Clarke asked in disbelief.

 

"Yup. I know Lexa was born intersex and we will have to see when he's born to be sure, but I'm almost positive it's a boy."

  
  
"We're having a boy?" Lexa asked dumbfounded.

 

"Yes, you guys are. I'm so happy for you." Harper gushed.

  
  
"Thank you." Clarke said, her voice thick with emotion.

 

"Well, I'll give you guys a minute to let it soak in. You guys are free to go after that.”

 

Lexa rocked on her heels, looking at Clarke. After a moment in silence, Lexa spoke.

 

"Are you happy?" Lexa asked.

 

"I am." Clarke said, adjusting her clothes.

 

"We should go and buy some stuff for the gender reveal party."

 

"Yeah, that sounds good. When do you want to have it?" Clarke asked, getting down from the table.

  
  
"Maybe this weekend or next."

  
  
"Okay, that sounds good."

  
  
They caught each other's eyes again before leaving and heading to the car. They said goodbye to Nathan and Harper before they headed out.

* * *

  
They went to a few different baby stores, where they both picked out a variety of clothes. A lot of the clothes they chose were blue or a variety of dark colors.

  
They did pick out a majority of gender neutral clothes that they were happy with as well, just in case what Harper said was wrong.

 

They had picked out a whole bunch of blue balloons, and things with the saying: _We’re having a boy_ , on it.

 

Lexa had followed Clarke as she dragged her around the store. Lexa couldn't help, but watch her with a genuine smile on her face. She looked so happy.

 

In a few months time, she was going to have a baby boy and she couldn’t wait.

 

"When do you want to get the crib?" Lexa asked, stopping in front of some baby shoes.

 

"We can come back next weekend to look thoroughly." Clarke said as they made their way to the checkout line.

 

"Alright." Lexa agreed, taking clothes out the cart and handing them to the cashier.

  
  
"I love watching couples come in and buy things together." The cashier gushed. She was a little old lady, with brunette hair, cut in a bob.

 

"We aren't a couple." Lexa muttered continuing to place the clothes down on the counter.

  
The smile fell from the lady's face, and Lexa thought that maybe she shouldn't have been so harsh, but it was true. They weren't together and she didn’t want to pretend.

  
  
The lady cleared her throat as Clarke smiled at her sheepishly.

 

"My deepest apologies." The lady said, ringing up the clothes in silence.

  
  
Lexa didn't look Clarke's way the entire time, until they were out in the parking lot.

  
  
"So, what was that?" Clarke questioned, opening the trunk.

  
  
"What was what?"

  
  
"Oh, don't play dumb. We aren't a couple." Clarke's voice dropped down, using hand quotes as she talked.

  
  
"My voice is not that deep," Lexa scoffed throwing the bags in the back. "And you act like I was lying. We aren't a couple. I don't think we ever will be."

 

"Lexa..."

 

"Let's just go home, please." Lexa said, rounding the car and taking the keys from Clarke.

  
  
Lexa could feel Clarke's eyes on her the whole way home, but was focusing on driving.

 

"Are we going to talk about this?" Clarke asked in desperation.

  
  
"Talk about what?"

  
  
"Lexa, why are you acting like this?"

 

They walked through the front door, setting the clothes down on the couch, before sitting down.

  
"How long are we going to pretend that this is working?" Lexa roared.

 

"Lexa." Clarke sighed annoyed.

  
  
"My baby is growing inside of you and I would never walk away from that, but I think we need to stop lying to ourselves. This…” She gestured between them. “Isn’t working."

  
"Lexa, who's lying? I thought we were doing okay?" Clarke asked.

  
  
"Our communication has been better, but that doesn't mean that things are good between us."

  
  
Clarke let out a long sigh, placing her head in her hands.

 

Lexa stood up, but hovered near the couch, wondering if she was making the right decision or not.

 

"So, what are you suggesting? I don't know what you want me to say." Clarke cried.

 

"We can have the gender reveal party and we can be civil towards each other, but I think what we need is space from each other. Maybe it will help."

 

  
"No, Lexa. No-"

  
  
"This isn't working. I don't think it will work five weeks from now. I should go back to my apartment, and we should take some time to ourselves. I told you I don't want force you to do anything you don’t want. I feel like that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

 

“Lexa. Please, you don't have to leave.”

 

“But, I should. We will always be in contact, and we can still look for stuff for the baby, but I'm going to leave. I need too." Lexa said getting up, tears running down her face.

 

Clarke shot up from her seat, trying to grab ahold of Lexa. Lexa jerked back just in time, before turning around and walking upstairs.

  
"Lexa. I'm sorry. I don't want you to leave."

  
  
"We rushed this!" Lexa yelled reaching the top of the stairs, with Clarke hot on her heels.

 

"But we’re trying to make it work!" Clarke yelled back.

 

"Do you even want to make it work?" Lexa asked, turning around to face Clarke.

 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, thinking about the question. It was dead silent as Lexa waited for Clarke's answer.

  
  
After a few more seconds, and still with no answer from Clarke, Lexa clenched her jaw and turned back around.

 

"No! Lexa, please!" Clarke begged, following Lexa into her bedroom.

  
  
"I just got my answer." Lexa sneered.

 

"You know I'm not good under pressure." Clarke said.

  
  
"Yeah, clearly." Lexa sassed.

 

"How long will you be gone? What is this going to mean? You don't have to leave."

  
  
"So, you think this could work?"

  
  
"I don't know, Lexa! You have to give me some time."

  
  
"And that's the exact reason why I'm leaving," Lexa stressed. "To give you time. Us living together is not a good idea. I will always be the other mother to our child. You can call me for anything. I don't know how long I will be gone, but it needs to happen. It’s what’s best for us right now. These past couple weeks have been horrible. We haven’t been us, I miss that, I miss you. Our communication has been better, but we gloss over the important things. We used to be able to talk about anything. Not anymore.”

 

“I can't make you stay and I know I can't change your mind when you’ve set it. You’re stubborn as hell. I also can't lie to you. You don’t deserve that. I'm sorry, Lexa. I don't know what else to do, but that doesn't mean I want you to leave.” Clarke whispered.

 

“I'm going to leave, Clarke. You can call if there's a problem, and for the crib shopping next weekend, but we need space. I’ll always be here for you, Clarke, you know that, but I don't want you to do anything you don't want to.”

 

“I don't know what you want me to say.” Clarke sobbed.

 

“You don't have to say anything,” Lexa sighed, throwing her bag over her shoulder. “Just let me go.”

 

Lexa didn't allow herself to cry. She held her head high, looking at her best friend, the woman who was carrying her baby, this was breaking her heart. She made her way out of her bedroom, before she felt a death grip on her shoulder, forcing her to turn around.

 

Clarke had her mouth open, like she was going to say something, but nothing came out. She kept her death grip on her shoulder, before Lexa ripped herself out of her hold.

 

“Goodbye, Clarke.”

 

Clarke let out a broken sob, as Lexa headed down the stairs. She covered her hands over her face as she let herself cry, before pulling it together.

 

Clarke quickly went downstairs, prepared to talk Lexa in to staying, when she heard her tires screech as she sped off down the street.

 

Clarke walked outside, feeling absolutely helpless. She didn't know what to do, and continued to cry as Lexa drove out of sight leaving her behind.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be a time jump in the next chapter. Just a heads up. I'll mention it again next chapter.

* * *

 

Lexa sighed heavily while listening to Anya on the phone. She had just finished a much needed run, when Anya contacted her. Lexa had quickly filled Anya in on everything that happened as she walked back to her old apartment. Most of her stuff was still at the house, but her mattress was at the apartment and her TV, although both were currently on the floor.

 

“So, that's it? You’re just gonna give up?” Anya asked incredulously over the phone.

 

“What do you want me to do? I'm sick of always being to blame because I'm the one who has feelings. I literally left so she could be at peace and not have to worry about it.”

 

“How long will you stay at your apartment? Will you ship everything back?” Anya asked curiously. Lexa could hear rustling over the phone and couldn’t help but wonder how much longer she would get to talk to her.

 

“At least a couple weeks.” Lexa answered, still unsure. She really had no idea how long she'd be here. Lexa was so glad she’d kept the apartment. She’d been here all week.

 

“We’re going crib shopping tomorrow. I don't really want to talk about anything. I feel like it’ll make it more awkward. We should just focus on the baby right now. I just want to pick a nice crib and buy it.” Lexa continued.

 

"I'm sorry I'm not there," Anya sighed heavily. "And you can say it's okay a thousand times, but I know it's not. I'm sorry I'm not there for you. I promise when I get back, I'm going to spend every minute I can with you and I will be the best aunt there ever was. Raven can suck it. Literally."

  
  
"Ew," Lexa whined out. “That was just gross.”

 

“Oh, whatever. You both have a lot of growing to do. I hope this child brings that to you.” Anya said seriously. Lexa huffed because she knew what Anya was saying was true. She had no idea how they were going to co-parent with each other when they couldn’t even talk to one another.

 

“Sooo..” Anya drawled out after a minute.

 

“What?” Lexa huffed.

 

“I know you found out the gender. Raven told me you guys had the ultrasound.”

 

“And you can wait, just like everyone else.”

 

“Are you serious? I'm a billion miles away and you won't even tell your best friend?” Anya scoffed.

 

“You have to wait.” Lexa repeated stubbornly, a ghost of a smile coating her face.

 

“You suck, Woods. But I guess that does take the fun out of it. FaceTime me on the day of the party.” Anya said.

 

“Of course I will.” Lexa promised.

 

“Listen, I gotta go.” Anya rushed out. Lexa sighed because they had barely talked for ten minutes.

 

“Okay. Call me when you can.” Lexa said.

 

“I will.”

* * *

 

Lexa felt weird walking up to the house she’d bought not long ago with Clarke. She was wearing comfortable clothes as it was the weekend and they were going shopping.

 

Lexa knocked on the door, not ready to face Clarke after a week of not seeing her. Clarke wanted to go out to lunch afterwards, and Lexa wasn't opposed to it. Lexa just hoped the crib shopping would go successfully.

 

The door opened to reveal Clarke in a loose white dress. It was the middle of August and it was humid out so a dress made sense.

 

Lexa opted to wear a pair of shorts that stopped at the knees and a plain white V-neck shirt.

 

“Hey.” Clarke was first to break the silence.

 

Lexa smiled softly at her. Her gaze on Clarke’s stomach. It poked out cutely with her dress on.

 

“Hey.” Lexa said back.

 

“Let me grab my purse and then we can go.” Clarke said, going out of view for a second before coming back.

 

“Okay.” Lexa said, sliding her sunglasses on.

* * *

 

“I think this one is nice. If we paint the room blue or green.” Clarke said, running her fingertips along the edge of a crib toward the back of the store.

 

The crib was white, with drawers attached on the side. On top of the drawers was the changing table, and at the bottom was another drawer.

 

It was a nice crib that Lexa couldn't help, but agree, when she thought of something.

 

“Would we be buying two cribs or just one?” Lexa asked.

 

Clarke looked back at her with furrowed eyebrows, before sighing.

 

“I.. I don't know. I want to say no, but I guess we could look for another.” Clarke answered.

 

Lexa pressed her lips in a thin line.

 

“Well, I like this one so we could get it and..” Lexa stopped, turning around to look at the cribs.

 

“This one is good.” Lexa pointed at a black crib that was the exact same design as the white one.

 

“Yeah. That would look good in your apartment.”

 

After they paid for the two cribs, they had movers help them take them to Lexa's car.

 

They lowered the seats in the back of Lexa's SUV to put the two cribs in the back. Clarke watched Lexa help the two men put both cribs in the back before closing the trunk.

 

“Congratulations.” One of the guys said with a small smile.

 

Clarke smiled brightly at the two men, while Lexa grunted and nodded.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa said politely. She didn't want another awkward encounter, so she just smiled and nodded.

 

“You're welcome. Drive safe.” They waved them off as they got in the car.

 

"Do you still want to go to lunch?" Clarke asked, buckling her seatbelt.

  
  
"Yes. Unless you’ve changed your mind."

  
  
"I didn't. I was actually craving.."

  
  
"A burger." Lexa finished her sentence for her, starting the engine.

  
  
"Yes," Clarke sighed out. "With fries and a milkshake." She finished with a hum.

  
  
"You're lucky I'm in that kind of mood." Lexa said with a hint of a smile.

 

Clarke smiled gratefully as Lexa drove to the burger place.

* * *

  
Lexa listened to Clarke munch on a fry, making delightful sounds, before she couldn't take it anymore.

 

"Feed me a fry." Lexa said, motioning to her food. Clarke smirked before reaching in the bag. She held out the fry for Lexa to eat.

  
  
"Oh," Lexa sighed out. "That is good."

  
  
"It is," Clarke hummed. "Do you want your milkshake?"

  
  
"Yeah," Lexa said, not taking her eyes off the road. "Hit me."

  
  
Clarke laughed, reaching for Lexa's drink and bringing it to her lips.

 

"Thanks." Lexa said. Clarke nodded while putting her drink back in the cup holder. They decided to head back to the house to eat. Lexa didn't know what they would do or talk about, but wanted to at least move the crib inside for Clarke.

 

“I can call Lincoln and he can help me move it upstairs.” Lexa suggested.

 

"Okay, yeah. That sounds good."

 

Lexa felt weird parking the car, and walking inside. She grabbed the bag of food and Clarke opened the door for them.

  
  
When they walked into the kitchen, Clarke got out two plates for them. Lexa dished out the food on the plates before they headed to the table in silence.

  
"So, how are you feeling?" Lexa asked as they both sat down.

 

"Good. It's starting to get a little annoying sleeping at night, but I'm okay."

  
  
"You look healthy which is good. Are you excited for the gender reveal party?" Lexa questioned.

 

"I am. What time are you showing up?" Clarke asked, sipping on her milkshake.

  
  
"Two at the latest, I want to help you set everything up."

 

"Okay. Great. That sounds good."

 

After they finished eating, Lexa called Lincoln to help move the crib. He was there in record time which Lexa was grateful for. She couldn't take the awkward silence anymore.

 

“Hey, guys.” Lincoln greeted, getting out of his car.

 

“Hi, Linc.” They greeted in unison.

 

Lexa walked over to her car and popped the trunk. Clarke stood in the doorway watching them lift the crib out the trunk.

 

“We are going to set it upstairs.” Lexa informed Lincoln who nodded.

 

Clarke instructed them on where to go. Lincoln and Lexa grunted, walking up the stairs. Lexa broke a sweat as they neared the baby room.

  
  
"Wait!" Clarke called out. Lexa looked confused, before it dawned on her.

 

"You can't go in there!" Lexa said, blocking Lincoln from going into the room.

  
  
"You said to put it in the baby room."

  
  
"Yes, but the stuff for the gender reveal is in there." Lexa explained.

  
  
"I can't take a little peek?" Lincoln asked with a sly smile.

  
  
"Absolutely not!" Clarke injected.

 

"Fine." Lincoln huffed.

  
  
"We can just leave it right here. It's fine. Thanks for coming." Lexa said.

  
  
"Of course. I need to get going. Octavia and I have a date tonight." Lincoln said as they all walked down the stairs.

  
  
"Alright. See you later, Linc." Lexa said, opening the door for him.

  
  
"Bye, guys."

 

"Who's going to help you move yours in?" Clarke asked once Lexa closed the door.

  
  
"Lincoln will probably swing by after his date or something. I don't know." Lexa shrugged.

  
  
"Okay." Clarke answered.

  
  
"Will you be alright tonight?" Lexa asked, scratching the back of her neck.

  
  
"Yeah. I should be fine." Clarke said.

  
  
"Make sure you lock all the doors." Lexa advised seriously.

  
  
"I will. Don't worry."

  
  
"It's hard not too when you’re carrying my baby." Lexa quipped.

  
  
"I'll be just fine. If something goes wrong, you will be the first person I call." Clarke assured her.

  
  
"Okay. I'll see you soon for the party."

 

“Okay,” Clarke sighed. “Night.”

 

“Night.”

* * *

 

Lexa showed up before everyone like promised. They blew up all the balloons, and got everything ready for the party.

 

Lexa was surprised by how well they were working together. They only got in one argument because they couldn't agree on when or how they wanted to tell everyone the news.

  
  
Lexa wanted to pop the balloons and have blue confetti come out, while Clarke wanted to show everyone the cake, and card stating they were having a boy.

 

  
They settled for Lexa's bit first and then Clarke's.

 

They hadn't talked that much during the week. They were both busy with work. Every time Lexa went to contact Clarke, she had no idea what to say, so she didn't say anything.

 

It was nearing the time everyone was coming over and Lexa was excited to finally tell everyone the gender.

 

They both agreed that they would act civil towards each other, and avoid any relationship questions. Everyone already knew Lexa had moved out, and the situation was awkward enough. They didn't want to focus on that right now.

 

Lexa's heart thudded in her chest hearing the first knock. Lexa was relieved when it was Lincoln, Octavia and Raven instead of Clarke's parents. She had no idea how she was going to survive a whole evening with them.

 

"Hi, guys!" They greeted happily, walking into the kitchen.

  
  
"Hey." They greeted back in unison. Everything was hidden for when everyone got here.

  
  
"Oh, look at these little finger sandwiches." Raven cooed, picking one up and eating it.

  
  
"Delicious." Raven said with her mouth full.

  
  
"Gross." Lexa grimaced.

 

"Anya said FaceTime her when everyone gets here." Raven looked at Lexa.

  
  
Lexa nodded, an excited tingle running through her, upon being able to talk to her best friend in a few minutes.

  
  
Lexa waited impatiently for everyone arrive. Clarke's parents were the last to arrive and Lexa was doing everything she could to avoid them. It was really hard, when you were the other mother of the baby.

 

Lexa was surprised they were being nice to her. Lexa didn't know what to expect, but was glad they weren't mad.

 

"Alright," Clarke said, clapping her hands together excitedly. "I think we made you wait long enough." She motioned for Lexa to get the balloons.

  
  
Lexa handed her phone off to Raven, who face timed her girlfriend.

  
  
After a quick hello to Anya, Raven set her up in a spot where she would be able to see the action.

 

Clarke stood by Lexa as she got a knife out. She smiled at everyone casting their votes.

 

  
"I think it will be a girl. I just have a feeling." Jasper said with a smile.

 

"I'm hoping for a boy. He would be so cute." Monty said.

 

  
"I think it will be a boy too." Jake said.

 

“It's definitely going to be a girl.” Raven threw in her two cents.

 

“I'm thinking boy.” Anya said with a smile.

 

“I say boy.” Lincoln said.

 

“Girl.” Octavia and Abby said in unison.

 

Lexa didn't want to waste another second, especially with Anya on the line. She quickly popped the balloon and watched as the kitchen broke out in chaos.

 

“I told you all. You all can suck it!” Anya exclaimed from the phone with an excited squeal. “My best friend’s having a baby boy!” Anya yelled.

 

Lexa giggled, taking the phone from Raven.

 

“I am. I'm so happy.” Lexa gushed.

 

“Congratulations.” Raven said, bringing Lexa in for a hug, before going over to Clarke.

 

“I'm so excited! We’re going to have a grandson!” Abby squealed.

 

Abby brought her daughter in for a hug before grabbing a hold of Lexa. Lexa was surprised when Abby hugged her. Clarke was on the other side of her and they awkwardly brushed against each other during the three way hug.

 

Lexa breathed a little easier once the hug was over and went back over to talk to Anya.

 

“How's everything there?” Lexa asked. Anya let out a dark sigh.

 

“I could lie and say good, but it's not.”

 

“That's doesn't make me feel any better.” Lexa deadpanned. Raven was on the other side of the kitchen, celebrating with everyone.

 

“Don't tell Raven,” Anya said firmly. “I can't have her worrying.”

 

“I'm worried now!” Lexa whispered harshly.

 

“This is why I didn't want to say anything. I want you to enjoy your day.” Anya sighed.

 

“Fine.” Lexa relented. She would let it go for now, and focus on celebrating. Lexa heard some rustling in the background before Anya spoke.

 

“Can you get Raven for me? I need to go.” Anya asked.

 

“Raven!” Lexa yelled over the chaos. “Anya needs to go.”

 

Raven frowned, walking over to Lexa.

 

“Alright, well I love you and be safe.” Raven said with a shaky breath.

 

“Of course. I love you too. Bye, guys.” Anya said.

 

Neither one of them got the chance to say anything more, before the call ended.

 

Lexa and Raven shared a sad look before turning around and celebrating with their friends and family for the rest of the evening.

* * *

 

“That went well.” Clarke commented. Lexa had volunteered to stay back and help Clarke clean up. Everyone else had already left.

 

“It did.” Lexa smiled fondly.

 

“Thanks for staying back and helping me clean.” Clarke said, throwing trash in the bin.

 

“Of course.” Lexa said back.

 

When the kitchen was clean, Lexa gathered her stuff as they headed to the door.

 

“Have a nice night, Clarke.” Lexa said as a farewell.

 

“You too, Lexa.” Clarke said with a small smile.

 

“I'll call you sometime soon? Make sure everything is okay?” Lexa asked.

 

“Of course. Call me whenever.” Clarke said with a nod.

 

Lexa nodded back, opening the front door. Lexa wanted to say more, but couldn’t find the words.

 

She missed talking to Clarke, but knew she needed to leave. The air was already thick between them, and Lexa felt like she was suffocating being so close to Clarke, yet so far away. Lexa waved before getting in her car and driving away.

 

Clarke sighed when Lexa left. She closed the door, leaning against it. She didn't know how things had gotten so bad between them.

 

Clarke frowned while looking around the living room. She hated being in this huge house all by herself. She missed having Lexa around, and missed all the fun times they had together before she’d gotten pregnant.

 

Clarke dragged her feet up the steps, deciding on taking a bubble bath to help ease her mind about Lexa.

 

She hated the silence that accompanied her. Lexa was always doing something around the house when she lived here, and she missed that background noise. She missed Lexa.

 

Clarke listened to every swish of the water, wondering when she would hear from Lexa again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Time jump

Lexa enjoyed the burn of the liquor that went down her throat. She was at the bar again, but this time Lincoln wasn't with her. She had wondered why she started coming here so much, especially over the past couple weeks, but the weekend proved to be the perfect time to go.

 

Lexa liked coming to the bar because it was a great stress reliever for her. The relaxing music the bar would play in the background, the low murmurs of people talking and the sounds of people losing pool behind her.

 

Lexa loved it.

 

Lexa took a long gulp of her drink before looking around the bar. She smiled a little bit when she looked behind her and spotted her.

 

Her hair was up in a bun, with a few curls falling out. She was a fiery redhead, who always wore dresses.

 

Lexa saw that she went to the bathroom and decided to make a bold move.

 

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, when she felt a presence behind her a few minutes later.

 

"I went to the bathroom only to come back and find a drink in my place." A voice sounded behind her, making Lexa turn around. She smirked because it was the redhead.

  
"How do you know it was me?" Lexa asked casually.

  
  
"Because, you're the only familiar face I've been seeing for the past three weeks. It had to be you." The girl flashed her a beautiful smile.

 

“It was.” Lexa said smoothly.

 

“Luna.” The girl practically purred, offering Lexa her hand.

 

“Lexa. Do you want to sit?” Lexa asked, taking the girl’s hand.

 

“Of course.” The girl flashed her another flirty smile.

 

Lexa was glad she decided to come out by herself instead of with Lincoln. She didn't know what came over her, but she wanted to talk to the redhead.

 

A couple months had passed, with Lexa still living at her apartment.

 

She didn't move all of her stuff out the house, but most of it had been. Lexa still hung out with Clarke, whenever she could. No matter how tense things were between them, Lexa still wanted to make sure Clarke was doing well.

  
  
Clarke was eight months pregnant and fully in her last trimester. Those hot humid nights had turned into cool crisp ones with Clarke's due date right around the corner. Clarke's movements had slowed down, and she’d been taking more and more time off work. Lexa thought Clarke was going to pop at any minute.

 

Lexa wasn't sure what was going to happen with this Luna girl, but she was a great distraction with her ability to keep the conversation going.

 

Lexa had laughed all night with the girl. She was a business woman like Lexa, and they’d quickly bonded over that.

 

The night was quickly coming to an end. Lexa ordered one more drink before hailing down a taxi.

 

“I'm wondering if I should hop in the taxi with you or go home.” Luna said behind her. Lexa smiled at her warmly. They locked eyes for a few minutes, before they were interrupted by the buzzing of Lexa's phone.

 

**Clarke**

11:45 PM

_Could you please please please pick up a burger and a milkshake. I'd leave, but my body hurts ):_

 

**Clarke**

11:46 PM

_I know it's late. I know that, but I really want to see you and I would like to have a late night meal with you_

 

**Clarke**

11:47 PM

_Okay. I'm sounding really weird right now. I'm sorry. I just miss you is all. Please come over, if you can_

 

Lexa's eyes widened while looking over the texts. She looked back at Luna apologetically.

 

“A last minute thing came up for work. Could I take a rain check?” Lexa asked.

 

“Sure,” Luna smiled. “Give me your number.” Luna said passing her phone to Lexa.

 

“Here.” Lexa said handing back the phone after punching her number in. Luna smiled at her slyly before turning and walking away.

 

Lexa sighed deeply before getting in the taxi and asking him to take her to the burger place.

* * *

 

Lexa used the spare key they kept hidden in the flower pot off to the side on the porch to get in the house. It took her a few tries before she finally unlocked the door. Lexa took her shoes off before heading upstairs. She had gotten what Clarke texted her and some food for her as well.

 

Lexa's heart pounded at the thought of seeing Clarke again. The blonde knew she was here because Lexa had texted her right before she walked through the door.

 

Lexa could hear the TV playing when she called out to the blonde.

 

“Clarke!”

 

“In here!”

 

Lexa smiled at hearing her voice before throwing the doors open.

 

“Burgers, milkshake and fries at your service!” Lexa exclaimed practically stumbling through the door.

 

Clarke was wearing an oversized shirt and loose sweatpants. She looked adorable with her hair up in a bun.

 

“Thank you, Lexa!” Clarke praised getting up from the bed.

 

It was a funny sight for Lexa. Clarke struggled trying to get up before Lexa walked over to her.

 

“Here, I'll just put your food on the tray.” Lexa said softly, getting the food tray off the dresser. She almost knocked over some of Clarke's perfume before placing the tray on the bed.

 

“Have you been drinking?” Clarke asked with a frown.

 

Lexa cleared her throat, focusing on putting Clarke's food out on the tray.

 

“I was at the bar when you texted. I took a cab to get your food.”

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't know.” Clarke responded.

 

“It's fine. I asked the cab driver to wait for me, so do you need anything else?” Lexa asked.

 

“You can stay here.” Clarke suggested. Lexa looked at her for a second before shaking her head.

 

“It's okay.”

 

“I know you got food for yourself. I eat a lot, but I'm not going to finish two milkshakes. Just stay here and eat.”

 

“Okay. I'll tell the cab driver to leave.” Lexa nodded before walking out the door.  

 

When Lexa came back upstairs, Clarke was dipping fries in her shake.

 

“Remember when we used to do this all the time?” Clarke asked with a lopsided smile on her face.

 

“I do.” Lexa hummed. She sat down on the bed before reaching in the bag.

 

“I'm sorry I interrupted your night, I didn't know you were out.” Clarke mumbled around a fry.

 

“It's alright.” Lexa decided she wasn't going to mention anything about Luna. There wasn't even anything to say.

 

“Should I sleep in the guest room?” Lexa asked after a moment.

 

“You could sleep in here, but if you want to, you can sleep in the guest room.” Clarke answered.

 

Lexa chewed her lip before taking a bite of her burger. She chewed slowly to give herself time to answer.

 

“I've missed you.” Clarke whispered. They’d kept in contact for the most part, ignoring the gray areas. They only talked about the baby, or would make small talk here and there. Everything else was ignored.

 

Lexa was surprised that she was being so strong through all this. She hadn't caved and came back home yet. Clarke was becoming needier as she neared her due date. Lexa was sure this wouldn't be the only night she spent here, especially when the baby comes.

 

“Me too.” Lexa said.

 

“How's work?” Clarke asked. Lexa almost groaned. She had spent the majority of her night talking about work with Luna.

 

“Cage is still an ass. I know he's up to something, but only time will tell. How about you? Your mom tells me you take a lot more naps now.”

 

“Of course she did,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “I can get through surgeries, but I'm so tired after them. More than usual.”

 

“There's nothing wrong with rest. Especially with our baby boy nesting inside.” Lexa cooed to Clarke's stomach.

 

“Yeah, you're right and-” Clarke stopped talking. She motioned to her stomach.

 

“He's moving. I could feel him fluttering around ever since you got here.” Clarke said. Lexa smiled widely placing a hand on Clarke's stomach. Both girls cried out happily when their baby kicked against Clarke's stomach.

 

“Someone's awake.” Lexa cooed rubbing Clarke's stomach before realizing what she was doing. She pulled her hand away before going back to her food.

 

“He’ll probably be up for a while. He's been still almost all day.” Clarke said.

 

It fascinated Lexa immensely that her baby was moving around. Lexa remembered a couple months ago when Clarke called her over because their baby wouldn't stop moving. Lexa cried when she felt his first movements.

 

“He's getting his beauty rest before saying hello to the world.” Lexa snorted. Clarke chuckled beside her.

 

“Have you thought of any names?” Clarke asked making Lexa frown.

 

“Not really. You?”

 

“Nothing. I like Jacob for the middle name because of my dad. I want him to either have your last name or both ours.”

 

“Really?” Lexa asked in surprise.

 

“I like your last name.” Clarke said as a way of explanation.

 

“We’ll figure it out.” Lexa said finishing her burger and sipping her milkshake.

 

“Thank you for this again. Baby is definitely happy.” Clarke said while sipping her shake.

 

“Of course,” Lexa said. “I'm going to go change.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Lexa went into her room, finding some spare clothes to put on. She didn't know what was going to come of this night. She was glad that she was spending time with Clarke, but it didn’t feel the same. She wished it was. She knew the baby was going to be here any day and things would change even more.

 

Lexa spent some time watching TV with Clarke and was beyond thankful it wasn't awkward.

 

Lexa said her goodnights before heading to her old room.

* * *

 

The next morning they decided to head to a diner for breakfast. Clarke barely had any food in the fridge, making Lexa frown.

 

“You need more than milk in your fridge.” Lexa had scolded on their way to the diner.

 

“I was going to go tonight actually. I wanted to make pizzas. I'm craving them,” Clarke answered. “You can join me if you want.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Why not? It’s your house too.”

 

“Only if you want me to.” Lexa responded with a light shrug.

 

“Well, of course I do.”

 

Lexa decided not to say anything else. They drove to the diner in silence before they both got out.

 

When they walked in, they were escorted to a table by the window. Lexa watched people pass by the window with smiles on their faces. Lexa pressed her lips into a thin smile before looking at Clarke.

 

The waiter thankfully saved them from any awkward conversation, taking their orders quickly before leaving again.

 

Clarke took the time to really look at Lexa. She looked good in her hoodie and jeans, such a different contrast from her pant suit or even skirt and blouse.

 

Clarke had missed her tremendously over the last four months. They'd been hanging out every chance they could, even going to a couple of baby classes together. They'd bought a variety of different baby books and had been reading them every night, and texting each other about it.

 

Lexa's soft green eyes pierced into hers, and Clarke offered her a small smile. For the first time, Clarke didn't know what to say to her childhood best friend. She scolded herself because she felt like this was all her fault.

 

The waiter came back with their food, and Clarke didn't waste any time digging in. Clarke could barely maneuver her way around because her baby bump kept lightly bumping into the table.

 

“How's your week been?” Lexa asked, finally breaking the silence.

 

“I can barely do anything these days. I look like a fat pig!” Clarke cried. Lexa chuckled because Clarke was shoving food in her mouth while making the declaration.

 

“No, you don't.”

 

“I think you're obligated to say that. Yes, I do. I can barely move around this booth.” Clarke said.

 

“You're pregnant, Clarke.” Lexa giggled.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes playfully before responding.

 

“I wonder who's fault that is.”

 

“Me too.” Lexa muttered taking a sip of her coffee.

 

Breakfast was silent after that. They ate before Lexa paid the bill.

 

They headed to the grocery store after that.

* * *

 

“Have you thought any more about names?” Lexa asked getting the pizza dough ready when they got home.

 

“A couple, but I don't know if they're good.” Clarke shrugged, pulling the stuff out to make the pizza.

 

“Well,” Lexa drawled out. “Let's hear them!”

 

“Really?”

 

“He needs a name, Clarke,” Lexa chuckled. “We can't keep calling him baby.”

 

Clarke huffed, knowing Lexa was right. She hadn't gotten far with the names. She was so indecisive.

 

“I've been thinking about; Jason or Noah.”

 

“Noah’s a cute name.” Lexa nodded in approval.

 

“How about you? Have you thought of any?”

 

“I think Aden or Ethan.” Lexa responded.

 

“I like both of those.” Clarke hummed.

 

“Okay, now just pick one.” Lexa smirked.

 

“I really like the name Aden, but Ethan is a cute name especially with your last name.”

 

Lexa smiled at knowing her name was going to be on their baby boy’s birth certificate. Lexa knew it was silly, but she was extremely happy about it.

 

“Well, we have time. We still have some stuff to do before he's born.”

 

“We should put the crib together next week.” Clarke suggested.

 

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

 

Lexa had been enjoying her time here. They ventured off doing their own thing, much like they did when Lexa lived here.

 

Lexa couldn't believe they were in the same house with each other without fighting.

 

“We already have the room painted, his closet packed with clothes. We just need the crib and to baby proof the house.” Lexa said making Clarke nod in agreement.

 

“You could come by after work on Wednesday or Thursday. Those are the days I'm usually off.”

 

“I know,” Lexa said softly. “Okay, I'll come over then.”

 

They worked in silence trying to get their pizza dough in the perfect shape.

 

“That's a square. Maybe even a rhombus.” Lexa muttered under her breath.

 

“I'm sorry? What was that?” Clarke hummed.

 

“Your circle is way off. It should look more like mine.” Lexa spoke up making Clarke playfully glare at her.

 

“That's an oval!” Clarke exclaimed. “It's not even a circle.”

 

“Get your shapes right, Clarke. This is a circle.”

 

Clarke laughed going back to her dough.

 

“Lexi, that is most definitely not a circle.” Lexa's breath hitched at the nickname. It’d been awhile since she heard it. Clarke's eyes widen when realizing her slip up.

 

“I'm sorry. It just came out.” Clarke rushed out.

 

“It's okay, Clarke.” Lexa said. Clarke nodded slowly, but didn't say anything. It was amazing how the mood shifted in the kitchen.

 

“Do you really think we can do this?” Lexa asked softly after a moment. “Be parents?”

 

“I think we can. You’ll be a wonderful mother,” Clarke answered honestly. “I'm really glad we’re hanging out.”

 

“Me too.” Lexa said. They finished molding their pizza before spreading the sauce on it.

 

“I'm sorry.” Clarke whispered while spreading pizza sauce around the base. Lexa sighed heavily because she didn't want to think about the elephant in the room. They've been alone together, but they hadn't talk about the lingering tension around them.

 

“We don't have to talk about this.”

 

“I feel like I ruined this whole thing. I don't know what to do.” Clarke confessed. Lexa clenched her jaw, deciding not to answer.

 

Lexa spread cheese around her pizza avoiding eye contact.

 

“Lexa...” Clarke pleaded, trying to get Lexa to look at her.

 

“What?” Lexa hissed. “I told you, we don't have to talk about this. Let's just focus on having everything ready for when the baby gets here.”

 

“What's going to happen? Are you going to stay here? Or we going to split up our nights?” Clarke asked desperately.

 

“I-I don't know,” Lexa stuttered. “We’ll figure it out. If you need help, I'm always going to be available for you and the baby.”

 

“Okay.” Clarke sighed. They wordlessly put their pizzas in the oven.

 

Lexa leaned against the counter, gazing at Clarke.

 

“We’re less than three weeks away.” Lexa said with a soft smile, trying to get rid of the tension.

 

“I know,” Clarke returned her smile, her pearly whites shining. “I can't wait. He's going to be a winter baby.”

 

Clarke took a shaky breath before speaking again. Lexa looked at her questioningly.

 

“I would like it if we could come home together after he's born.”

 

“Would you really want that?” Lexa asked raising her eyebrows challengingly.

 

“Yes, Lexa! How could you think I wouldn't?” Clarke huffed. “I miss having you around.”

 

Lexa didn't answer. She grabbed a bottle of water out the fridge before sitting down at the table. Clarke followed her, sitting beside her.

 

“I miss being here,” Lexa confessed. “Half of my things are here. The other half is at the apartment.”

 

“Do you hate me?” Clarke asked quietly. She winced trying to brace herself for the answer.

 

“Of course not,” Lexa said quickly. “I could never hate you.”

 

“I just want to go back to how things used to be between us. We used to have so much fun together.” Clarke said.

 

“Well, things have changed. I got you pregnant and it's been a shit show ever since.”

 

They were interrupted by Lexa's phone going off, which happened to be by Clarke. Lexa rushed to get it, but she knew Clarke saw the texts by the look on her face.

 

Clarke wordlessly slid Lexa's phone to her, before getting up.

 

“Clarke!”

 

**Luna**

9:30 PM

_I miss you. Why aren't you at the bar?_

 

Lexa sighed heavily at the text before getting up and going after Clarke.

 

“I'm so stupid!” Clarke shouted. Lexa stood frozen in her spot. “Of course you found someone else and I was stupid not to see it!” Clarke hissed, pacing around the kitchen.

 

“Clarke, stop. The stress isn't good for the baby.”

 

“Are you fucking her?” Clarke asked with dark eyes.

 

“Clarke, no!” Lexa answered before knitting her eyebrows together. “Why would you care?”

 

“I don't!” Clarke responded stubbornly. “You can do whatever you want because we aren't together. Have you been hanging out with her the past four months?”

 

“It was recent. I kept seeing her at the bar. We exchanged numbers.”

 

“Oh, so she's a booty call?” Clarke asked with a glare.

 

“I- what? No, no, Clarke. She's not.” Lexa fumbled over her words because she had no idea what Luna was. She was a friend, if Lexa could even call her that.

 

“I haven't even hung out with her alone.” Lexa said weakly.

 

“So, you were planning on it?”

 

“I'm just living my life, waiting on my baby boy to get here.”

 

“Don't okay victim here, Lexa.”

 

Lexa wanted to laugh. They were standing on either side of the kitchen screaming at each other. They were acting like they were in a relationship. They were yelling at each other all for the wrong reasons. Recognition flashed in Clarke's eyes before taking a calming breath.

 

The timer buzzed letting them know their pizza was ready.

 

“I'm not dating her, but if I want to hang out with her, I have every right.” Lexa said softly while getting their pizzas out. They sat back at the dinner table and started eating their pizza quietly.

 

“Of course,” Clarke responded. “Of course you can. You can do whatever you want. It's not like we're together and it's not like we're going to have a baby together.”

 

“You need to figure your shit out, Clarke. Not me. You,” Lexa said pointedly. “Maybe I should go.”

 

Clarke's face screamed that she didn't want Lexa to leave, but Clarke shrugged.

 

“Maybe you should.” Clarke agreed quietly.

 

Lexa scoffed, throwing her pizza down before getting up. She gathered her stuff up before throwing her coat on. Lexa was just about to open the door, when Clarke turned her around.

 

Lexa couldn't control what happened next. Clarke was there in her space, and it was like a natural instinct to wrap her arms around Clarke's waist. Well, as best she could with the bump in the way.

 

Clarke rested her forehead against Lexa's, but didn't move. Lexa tightened her hold on Clarke, enjoying the warmth that radiated off the woman. Lexa stood stiff against Clarke, waiting for the blonde to do something.

 

Lexa flicked her eyes open noticing that Clarke's were screwed tight. Her face was scrunched up in confusion. Lexa let out a soft sigh.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa begged. She didn't know what she was begging for, but she was begging. Begging that Clarke made a move. Begging to feel Clarke's lips against hers.

 

Clarke's breath tickled her lips making Lexa feel dizzy. She didn't know how much longer she could stay like this before she lost control and kissed Clarke. Lexa told herself to stay strong, and wait for whatever Clarke wanted.

 

Lexa almost fainted when Clarke's lips connected with hers. Lexa could feel Clarke take in a huge breath before pulling Lexa in closer. Lexa allowed herself to kiss Clarke. It felt different. This kiss felt more promising than any other kiss they'd shared before.

 

Before they were so focused on getting pregnant, now it felt like Clarke was kissing her because she really wanted to.

 

Clarke pinned herself against the door and Lexa whimpered against her lips. Clarke swallowed every moan that threatened to leave Lexa's lips. Clarke sucked her bottom lip in her mouth before slipping her tongue in Lexa's mouth.

 

Lexa's head was spinning by how rough and soft Clarke was kissing her. All the built up tension that was between them was at a standstill in that moment. Lexa never wanted to leave from this spot. Clarke was panting against her, and Lexa held her tighter. Clarke wrapped a hand around the back of her neck exploring Lexa’s mouth with her tongue.

 

Clarke's lips trembled against Lexa's and her knees almost buckled when Clarke let out a moan.

 

“Couch.” Clarke mumbled out between heated kisses. Lexa nodded before carefully backing Clarke up into the family room.

 

Clarke laid down on the couch, looking up at Lexa with dark eyes.

 

Lexa settled off to the side of Clarke, mindful of her baby bump. Lexa looked at Clarke with guarded eyes before the blonde nodded.

 

Clarke grabbed Lexa's face pulling her in for a desperate kiss that was all tongue.

 

Lexa enjoyed how sloppy Clarke was being. The blonde wasn't holding back and neither was Lexa. Clarke whimpered every time their tongues collided. Lexa just kissed Clarke harder.

 

Clarke was kissing her with purpose. Lexa wasn't sure what Clarke was trying to say, but she knew she was.

 

Clarke tugged on Lexa's shirt, trying to get it off. Lexa was just about to rip it off, when her cell phone rang.

 

Lexa pulled away, breathing heavily and reaching in her pocket for her phone. Clarke's lips were swollen and pupils were blown. She looked fucking gorgeous under Lexa.

 

Lexa's eyes widen when she saw who was calling.

 

“It's Anya.” Lexa said showing Clarke her phone.

 

Clarke's chest was heaving, and her gaze kept dropping to Lexa's lips.

 

“Answer it.” Clarke husked. Lexa nodded, answering the call with shaky hands.

 

Lexa disentangled herself from Clarke sitting up and preparing to talk to Anya.

 

“Hey, An.”

 

Lexa hated the way Anya sighed darkly over the phone. Lexa had no idea what Anya was going through over there. She looked back at Clarke who was raking her eyes over her body.

 

Lexa quickly averted her eyes, focusing on Anya.

 

“I'm so glad to hear your voice.” Lexa also hated how small Anya's voice was.

 

“What's going on, An?” Lexa asked.

 

“It's a fucking suicide mission out here. My men are dropping like flies.”

 

Lexa's heart ached for Anya. She knew she was coming home soon, but she was still going to miss the baby’s birth.

 

“You'll be home soon.” Lexa reassured her.

 

“I know,” Anya took a deep breath. “I know and I can't wait. I'm starting to hate this place more and more.”

 

“You'll get through it. You're strong, so strong, An.” Lexa said with a small smile.

 

“Thank you,” Anya said. “Anyways, what are you doing?”

 

Lexa looked back at Clarke who was giving her bedroom eyes. Lexa reached out tentatively rubbing her hand across Clarke's thigh.

 

“I'm actually hanging out with Clarke.” Lexa said.

 

“Oh, really?” Anya asked. “Am I interrupting something?”

 

“Nope.” Lexa said.

 

“Yes, I am,” Lexa could just hear Anya's smirk. “Your breathing is all over the place. And it's not your, I just went for a run type of breathing, this is _different_.”

 

“I'm going to hang up.” Lexa teased, but heard the way Anya sighed deeply.

 

“I actually have to go.” Anya said making Lexa frown.

 

“Okay, call me when you can.” Lexa mumbled sadly.

 

“I will.”

 

The call ended after that. Lexa shoved it back in her pocket before looking back at Clarke.

 

Lexa wasn't sure what to do or if she should talk. Clarke was looking at her softly, and Lexa made her decision.

 

“I think I should go.” Lexa said. Clarke looked crestfallen, but nodded.

 

“Okay,” Clarke murmured. “I- I know that kiss may have seemed like I did it just because-”

 

“Why did you do it?”

 

“Because I wanted to.” Clarke said as Lexa got off the couch.

 

“Of course,” Lexa rolled her eyes playfully. “Because Clarke Griffin can do whatever she wants and never suffer the consequences.”

 

“I'm suffering the consequences right now.” Clarke fired back struggling to get off the couch. Lexa sighed before walking over to help her.

 

Their hands connected softly as Lexa pulled her up.

 

“Words can't describe how badly I just want you to stay here. I didn't kiss you because I was trying to stake my claim. I kissed you because you look so beautiful right now and because we’ve been all over the place the past four months. I just needed _something_.”

 

Lexa sucked her lips into her mouth before turning around to face Clarke. Lexa stuffed her hands inside the pocket of her coat, gazing at Clarke intensely.

 

“Do me a favor,” Lexa said gently. “Don't kiss me again until you've figured your shit out.”

 

Lexa turned around opening the front door before leaving. She could still hear Clarke's loud gasp inside her head.

* * *

 

Lexa found her way to the bar again over the next few weeks. Clarke was due any moment now, and would spend time with the blonde making sure they were ready for her labor.

 

After a long week of work, Lexa would walk into the bar with all the other business people wanting a break. She would always see Luna and they would share a drink with each other before Lexa left.

 

Lexa smirked walking inside the bar because she immediately spotted Luna in the corner. Instead of sitting at the bar, she walked over to her table, grateful that she was alone.

 

“Hello.” Lexa greeted standing beside Luna.

 

“Lexa!” Luna said happily. “I was hoping to run into you.”

 

“Do you mind if I sit?” Lexa send smoothly.

 

“Go ahead,” Luna gestured to her seat before smirking. “Actually, why don't we just take this back to your place?”

 

Lexa offered Luna a small smile before getting up again, extending her hand. They’d spent countless Friday nights laughing until it was time for Lexa to go. Luna helped put her mind at ease. She didn't think about her problems when she was with her.

 

Lexa didn't think about it pulling Luna up to her feet.

 

“Let's go.”

* * *

 

Lexa rubbed the back of her neck nervously. She really didn't think this through when she invited Luna back to her place.

 

It looked like Lexa was too poor to afford half the furniture in her apartment. The TV was still resting against the floor awkwardly. Her TV stand back at the houses.

 

“I'm in between moving.” Lexa explained quickly to Luna who was looking around.

 

Luna looked at her with an amused expression.

 

“It's alright,” Luna waved her off. “Do you have a bed?”

 

“I do,” Lexa smirked. “Why?”

 

“I'm just asking. I have a feeling we’re going to be using it.”

 

Lexa's body grew hot at the bold statement before strutting over to Luna. The redhead practically dragged her to the bedroom.

* * *

 

“I'm sorry,” Lexa panted beside Luna. “I've never had that happen before.”

 

“It's okay.”

 

“It's so embarrassing. I don't know why it won't-”

 

“Lexa, it's okay,” Luna said grabbing her shirt. “Maybe I should just go.”

 

Lexa sighed heavily placing her hands over her eyes. She wanted to bury herself into the ground right now.

 

“We could wait a few more minutes.” Lexa suggested helplessly.

 

“We already did. I don't think even touching it would get it up.” Luna giggled softly making Lexa groan. Lexa knew Luna was trying to make light of the situation, but she could see the disappointed look on her face.

 

“Don't sweat it,” Luna placed a kiss to her forehead. “I'll see you around.”

 

Lexa didn't even have time to say goodbye before Luna dashed out the door.

 

Lexa rubbed her hands over her face before glaring down at her boxers. She had never had that happen before, but no matter what they did, Lexa couldn't get an erection.

 

Lexa wasn't sure if she would be seeing Luna again or not. A part of her didn't want to, because she would never live this down.

 

Lexa sighed again before turning around and trying to go to sleep.

* * *

 

Lexa sighed in relief leaving her company building. She loved running her own company, but sometimes it could be a burden. Lexa was proud of the company she’d built for herself, but was also glad that the week was over.

 

Lexa kept her promise to help Clarke. She picked up some Chinese food on the way to the house. They had agreed for her to come over on Friday, so they’d have enough time to put the crib together. Lexa knew the blonde would be happy if she showed up with dinner.

 

Lexa knocked twice on the door before it opened.

 

Clarke smiled warmly at her before looking at the bags of food.

 

“You got Chinese food?” Clarke asked happily.

 

“I did,” Lexa chuckled. “Figured we could eat dinner before starting.”

 

“That sounds like a good idea.” Lexa was beyond surprised when Clarke pulled her in for a hug.

 

“Yeah, it does.” Lexa wasn't aware of what she was saying. How could she be with Clarke's arms wrapped tight around her? It was a side hug because Lexa couldn't hug Clarke full on anymore with the baby getting in the way, but still being in her arms made her feel things she shouldn’t.

 

Lexa rubbed Clarke's belly a few times before they walked into the kitchen.

 

“Have you been enjoying the baby books?” Clarke asked opening the containers of food.

 

Lexa was finding out a lot of information she hadn't known through the books. She was thoroughly enjoying them.

 

Lexa smiled at Clarke once she handed over her food before they went to sit down.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa answered. “They are very informative. Sorry I knocked out on you yesterday.”

 

They would normally text each other at night, after reading a chapter or two of the books. They would review and discuss it, sometimes even ending up calling each other.

 

Lexa loved that they could put their differences aside and focus on their baby boy that was due any second now. Lexa knew over the next few weeks was when Clarke could go into labor. They both needed to be prepared.

 

They already had Clarke's hospital bag ready that sat next to the door. The only thing they needed to do was get the crib up and settle on a name.

 

“It's alright. I hit the diaper changing chapter. It was pretty self explanatory.” Clarke waved her off stuffing her face cutely with food.

 

“Are you going to breastfeed?” Lexa asked.

 

“I would like to try it out,” Clarke said. “Yeah, if you want.”

 

“Well, it's your boobs not mine.” Lexa said shyly.

 

“But I want us to agree. We could do either or.”

 

“We can try the breastfeeding first.” Lexa agreed.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Of course.”

 

They finished up eating before heading upstairs. Lexa got all the tools out that they would need, while Clarke held the directions.

 

Lexa pulled open the crib sliding it out.

 

“This thing is huge!” Lexa exclaimed making Clarke giggle.

 

“I have a bassinet that my mom is going to give me.”

 

“That's nice of her.” Lexa grunted opening up the packet of screws.

 

They spent the next few hours figuring out how to build the crib. It was a lot harder than Lexa thought and more work.

 

She unbuttoned her shirt throwing it off to the side leaving her in a wife beater. Lexa didn't miss the way Clarke's eyes raked over her body.

 

They got into a few arguments with them each wanting to do it their way. Lexa was starting to get frustrated because this was more complicated than she thought. Clarke was getting frustrated because Lexa wasn't listening to anything she said claiming that she knew what she was doing.

 

After another hour of arguing, they finally had the crib up in the corner where they wanted.

 

Clarke pulled Lexa in for another hug before Lexa went back to her apartment.

* * *

 

Clarke was lounging around with Raven on a Friday night. Clarke's feet were swollen and resting on her coffee table. Clarke was watching TV with her hands resting against her baby bump.

 

“You're going to pop any day now!” Raven exclaimed sitting down beside her with a bowl of popcorn.

 

“I know. I feel it.”

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

“Not really. I know what to do when it happens, so I'm not too nervous.” Clarke responded.

 

“Perks of working at a hospital.” Raven smirked.

 

They watched TV quietly, munching on popcorn and enjoying each other’s company.

 

“I kissed her.” Clarke whispered. Raven looked at her with shocked eyes.

 

“Really?”

 

“It was..” Clarke took a moment to find the right word. “Breathtaking. And I meant it, Raven. I truly meant it. I've been doing so much thinking over the past couple months. We’ve been taking the time to hang out with each other as my due date nears. I've been enjoying her company and I hate it when she leaves.”

 

“So, what does this mean?” Raven asked, more engrossed in Clarke than the TV now.

 

“I don't know,” Clarke shrugged. “She's been hanging out with this girl. I don't know what they do together because I don't ask. They usually just get a drink together, at least that's what Lexa told me a couple weeks ago.”

 

“Shit. Lexa's seeing someone else?” Raven asked in disbelief.

 

“I don't think she is. She's just hanging out with her.”

 

“And you're okay with that?” Raven asked.

 

“No,” Clarke answered honestly. “I hate it and I hate whoever she's hanging out with, but Lexa's been loose, if that makes sense. She's been more relaxed over the past couple of weeks and we’ve been enjoying each other’s company. That is all I wanted. To hang out like we used to.”

 

“Well, I'm happy you are. What's going to happen when the baby gets here?”

 

“We’ve been on the same page when it comes to the baby, so I'm not really worried about it. We agreed Lexa would stay here during the first couple weeks.”

 

“Will you guys talk about it?” Raven asked.

 

“I'm hoping we do,” Clarke answered. “Like I said, she can do whatever she wants, but I don't know. I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few weeks. That doesn't mean I'm automatically in love with her, but I do feel something. I don't know what exactly.”

 

“So, are you going to tell her? It's never too late, especially with Lexa. It just took you sometime.”

 

“I'm not enough for her, I already know that. I messed this up so bad, I don't know if I could ever fix it. I'm just starting to realize it more. I was terrible to her and I feel really bad about it. We don't talk about it that much, because we always end up fighting. I don't know what to do or think.”

 

“Well, you're not wrong for not feeling as deeply for her as she does you. Just give it time. Hopefully, this baby will help you guys grow.” Raven said seriously.

 

“You're right.” Clarke answered. She didn't have all the answer right now. She didn't know what she was doing. She’d been enjoying her time with Lexa and being with her. Clarke always knew she was attracted to Lexa. That much was obvious, but that didn't mean she was in love with her. Did it?

 

Clarke could admit that they both rushed into this, but it was happening and there was nothing they could do now.

 

“I'm going to use the bathroom.”  

 

When Clarke finished using the bathroom, she stared down at herself in horror. She stared down at the puddle of water and told herself not to freak out.

 

She had this under control, but couldn't help panicking that her water just broke. Clarke had no idea where Lexa was or if she was truly ready to raise this baby with her.

 

“Raven!” Clarke yelled with as much energy as she could. “Raven, get in here. My water just broke!”


	13. Chapter 13

Clarke wasn't freaking out that her water just broke. She had this under control and knew exactly when to go to the hospital. She just needed to wait until her contractions were closer together.

 

However, Clarke _was_ freaking out because none of the books she’d read had prepared her for the amount of pain she was in. She was so glad her contractions were getting closer and closer together, but Clarke hated the look on Raven’s face.

 

“You still can't get a hold of her?” Clarke asked, holding her stomach.

 

“She won't answer!” Raven huffed out an irritated breath.

 

“Who doesn't answer at eight o'clock on a Friday night? What is she doing?!” Clarke exclaimed.

 

“More like who.” Raven muttered under her breath which earned her a death glare from Clarke.

 

“I wouldn't mess with me right now. I'm in agonizing pain and I'm hormonal and I just want Lexa!” Clarke cried. Raven quickly rushed over to her, and wrapped her arms around her.

 

“I can try her again.” Raven said, but it went straight to voicemail once again. Raven let out an irritated groan before pulling away from Clarke.  

 

“Remember take deep breaths and stay calm.”

 

“I am calm!” Clarke groaned, the veins in her neck sticking out.

 

“Noted,” Raven nodded. “Calling everyone else and getting the bag.” Raven said walking off.

 

By time Raven came back, Clarke was leaning against the wall, doubled over in pain.

 

“Okay. I'm ready to go!” Raven exclaimed. “Let's go have a baby!”

 

“Did you call everyone?” Clarke panted.

 

“Yup. Now let’s go!” Raven said grabbing Clarke's arm.

 

“I don't want to leave until I know Lexa's meeting me at the hospital.”

 

Raven chewed on her bottom lip. She’d called Lexa twenty more times, every one of them going to voicemail. It was getting late and Raven had no idea where Lexa could be.

 

“Your mom is on her way. Everyone is. I'm sure Lexa will call me back.”

 

“What is she doing? She didn't say she-” Clarke stopped in the middle of the driveway, screaming out in pain.

 

“Okay, come on. We need to get to the hospital.” The high pitched screams Clarke kept letting out, was starting to scare Raven.

 

Clarke groaned before hoping in the car. Raven drove as quickly as she could to the hospital. Clarke was trying to get a hold of Lexa and would grumble in frustration when she wouldn't answer.

 

“If she's with that bitch, I swear to god-”

 

“I'm sure she's not.”

 

“She didn't say anything about working late and she's been hanging out at the bar more because that's where _she_ is.”

 

“We called her a bunch of times, I'm sure it's more than a girl.”

 

“You better be right or I might kill someone.”

 

“Well, I'm the only one in the car with you, so I hope to god I'm right because Anya's coming home in a little bit and-”

 

“Wait, Anya's coming home?” Clarke asked confused. She took a deep breath, holding her stomach tightly waiting for Raven to respond.

 

“Yes?” Raven said slowly.

 

“Well, why didn't you say anything? Does Lexa know? When does she come in?”

 

“She's probably on a plane right now. She's going to get here in the morning,” Raven sighed. “It was suppose to be a surprise for you guys. I wasn't suppose to saying anything, and I didn't get a chance to because your water broke.”

 

Raven cheered happily as they pulled up to the hospital. Clarke had a death grip on her arm the entire ride and knew she was going to have bruises later. Raven helped Clarke out the car before spotting Nathan and Harper. They were already waiting along with everyone else.

 

“Sweetie!” Abby rushed over to her as well as everyone else. Harper sat her down in the wheelchair and it was chaotic for a couple minutes.

 

Harper tried to wheel her away when Clarke stopped her.

 

“I'm not going anywhere until Lexa gets here!” Clarke roared making Harper stop her movements.

 

“I'm sure she'll be here soon.” Abby said, smoothing down some of Clarke's hair.

 

“I refuse to give birth until she gets here!” Clarke cried.

 

“I think your baby has other plans, Clarke. We need to get you in a room now.” Harper piped in, finally getting Clarke to cooperate.

 

“I'll try her again.” Raven reassured Clarke with a pat on her back.

 

Abby and Octavia walked off with Harper after Jake wished Clarke good luck.

 

Raven cursed under her breath, instructing everyone to call Lexa after she reached her voicemail again. They all hung their heads, not having any luck with getting in touch with Lexa. Raven was certain that she was going to strangle Lexa the second she walked through the doors, well after she sees the birth of her baby.

 

Raven paced across the hallway as Jasper and Monty went up to see how Clarke was doing. Jake stayed back with Raven, hoping that Lexa would show up.

 

After waiting another ten minutes, Raven cried out in relief when Lexa finally called her.

 

“Where are you?!” Raven yelled into the phone.

 

“I just got out of a meeting,” Lexa said slowly. “It was way longer than expected. Is everything okay? Is Clarke okay?”

 

“She's in labor!” Raven shouted before taking a calming breath. “Get to the hospital now!”

 

“Oh, shit! Oh, shit!” Lexa cursed. Raven listened in amusement as she heard fumbling over the phone. Raven knew Lexa was panicking.

 

“Okay, calm down, nerd. Just get here as soon as you can. She refuses to give birth until you get here.”

 

“I'm on my way! Tell her I'm coming!” Lexa said before hanging up abruptly.

 

Raven looked at Jake before gesturing to Clarke's room.

 

“You go on. I'll stay until Lexa gets here.”

 

“Thank you.” Raven smiled before rushing off to Clarke. She could hearing yelling coming from the room and braced herself before walking in.

 

“You have to push, Clarke!” Harper grumbled.

 

“No!” Clarke said stubbornly. “Where's Lexa?” Clarke asked once Raven walked in.

 

“She's on her way right now. I just spoke to her.”

 

Clarke sighed in relief before groaning in pain.

 

“She'll be here so please listen to Dr. McIntyre.” Abby pleaded.

 

Clarke nodded weakly before giving Harper a push. Abby stood next to Clarke protectively. Octavia stood off to the side and Raven watched the clock, counting down the minutes until Lexa got here.

 

They all jumped when the door came flying open.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa's hair was tossed and she was wearing a navy blue pant suit. Her shirt was slightly unbuttoned and sweat was forming at her brow.

 

“Oh, so nice of you to join us!” Clarke smiled sweetly.

 

Lexa walked slowly into the room, looking at Clarke with wide eyes.

 

“Where the hell were you?” Clarke asked. “We called you a bunch of times and you didn't answer. Were you with her? Because I swear to god if you-”

 

“I was in a meeting!” Lexa defended herself. “How was I supposed to know? The meeting went on a lot longer than I thought.”

 

“Oh, of course you were in a meeting on a Friday night. Lamest lie ever.”

 

“Don't start with me, Clarke. Why do you-”

 

“Okay!” Harper yelled effectively cutting them both off. “Clarke, I need you to focus. Lexa, I need you to play the supportive partner and I need you two to shut up and bring this baby into the world!”

 

Lexa sighed and nodded walking over to Clarke, who was a mess of sweat and tears. Lexa grabbed a hold of her hand and yelped when Clarke squeezed it tightly.

 

“Alright, take a huge breath and push for me!” Harper instructed.

 

Lexa quickly got it together, whispering reassurances in Clarke's ear. Clarke took a deep breath before pushing. She screamed and groaned before relaxing back on the bed.

 

“I can't do this! I need drugs!” Clarke yelled.

 

“No, you don't! You said you didn't want to do that!” Lexa countered. Clarke told her no matter how many times she asked for drugs, not to give it to her. Clarke wanted to have this baby naturally.

 

“I know!” Clarke pouted. “But it hurts so much!”

 

“You're doing fine, sweetie,” Abby praised. “But you have to keep pushing.”

 

Lexa held Clarke close as the blonde pushed with everything in her.

 

It took a few more pushes before Harper exclaimed that she could see the head. Clarke yelped before pushing again.

 

“You're doing amazing, Clarke!” Harper praised. Clarke was making noises Lexa had never heard before, but she stayed by her side the entire time. She watched in a mixture of awe and disgust as Harper pulled their baby out.

 

Lexa felt a little light headed at being blindsided by this, but kept her composure. The room went silent as their baby boy screamed and cried. Lexa cried when they offered to let her to cut the umbilical cord. They both watched as the nurses cleaned him off. Clarke was panting next to her and Lexa looked down at her with a soft smile.

 

“You did it,” Lexa mumbled. “Thank you.”

 

“Thank you,” Clarke said around her heavy breathing. “For making me a mom.”

 

Lexa leaned down, not caring that Clarke's forehead was covered in sweat. She placed a soft kiss to her forehead before sitting down in the chair next to the bed.

 

Clarke had no idea why, but the second the nurse handed over her son, she broke down. She couldn't control the sobs that escaped and didn't bother wiping her tears away. She finally had a baby that she could call her own. This was all she wanted. Through all the failed relationship and horrible partners, she finally had a baby with someone she cared about.  Clarke smiled and she was aware that she probably looked crazy. Lexa kissed her on the forehead before looking down at him.

 

“He's precious!” Lexa cried making Clarke cry harder.

 

“Shh. It's okay.” Lexa cooed, rubbing Clarke's back.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke repeated. “Thank you.” She softly reached out, caressing Lexa's cheek.

 

“You're welcome.” Lexa smiled gently at her.

 

“So, have you figured out a name?” Harper asked. Clarke looked at Lexa before locking eyes with Harper.

 

“We’re still deciding.” Lexa said as Clarke passed the baby to her. Lexa held him protectively as anyone rushed over to see him.

 

“He's perfect!” Abby cried. Everyone took turns holding him while Clarke and Lexa watched with a fond smiles. The boys came into the room a little while later. Clarke was dozing in and out of sleep, but it was time for the baby to eat. Everyone left the room respectfully as Clarke pulled down her hospital gown.

 

“Are you ready?” Lexa asked. She looked away when Clarke exposed her chest.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke answered. “I just hope he latches on and Lexa, you can look.” She giggled out.

 

Lexa turned back around with a blush. Clarke's right boob was on display and she was trying to guide their baby to her nipple, but he kept squirming. He was wearing a baby blue onesie with a duck on it, and a matching blue hat. They both thought he looked adorable.

 

“Do you need help?” Lexa asked.

 

“Yeah, he's not latching on.” Clarke grunted. Their baby was moving every direction, but towards Clarke's breast. They knew he was hungry because he was starting to whimper which meant he was getting ready to start crying.

 

Lexa stood up and gently guided his head towards Clarke's breast. Lexa's hands grazed over Clarke's skin, making her heart beat fast.

 

“Well, at least we know he's going to be a busy body like you.” Clarke joked, making Lexa smile softly.

 

They finally got him to stop moving and wrap his mouth around Clarke's nipple. Lexa thought it was a weird sight, but at least he was finally eating. Clarke finally relaxed at not having to fight him anymore. Lexa sat back down beside them, watching him eat happily.

 

“He needs a name.” Lexa said, leaning against the bed. His eyes were closed as he ate. His face was scrunched up and he had Clarke's nose. Lexa smiled because he had her jaw line.

 

“Let's boil it down to two names.” Clarke said.

 

“Okay, well my choice is Ethan.” Lexa responded.

 

“I like Noah.”

 

“Okay, now we pick which one fits.”

 

“I really do like Ethan. It sounds better.” Clarke hummed.

 

“It doesn't sound bad,” Lexa agreed. “Ethan Jacob Griffin- Woods or Noah Jacob Griffin- Woods?”

 

“Ethan.” Clarke nodded.

 

“Really? You aren't just saying that?”

 

“I really do like it. He looks like an Ethan. It's a very cute name.”

 

“I looked it up. It means strong, firm and long lasting.”

 

“Then it's very fitting.” Clarke giggled.

 

“Well, alright then,” Lexa smiled happily. “Let's test it. Hi, Ethan.” Lexa cooed down to her son. His eyes opened, and he gurgled around Clarke's nipple.

 

“I think he likes it.” Lexa whispered making Clarke chuckle.

 

“Me too.” Clarke smiled. Lexa couldn't stop the smile on her face at finally meeting her son.

* * *

 

Lexa had no idea that she dozed off. She was leaning against something firm, but soft. Lexa fumbled a bit before finally waking up.

 

“Well, hello there.” Clarke smirked. Lexa's eyes widened realizing that she fell asleep against Clarke's thighs.

 

“Why didn't you wake me?”

 

“Shh!” Clarke breathed. “I just got him to sleep.”

 

Lexa got up and went to the bathroom. She brought an overnight bag and wanted to change out of her work clothes. She felt more comfortable when she came out of the bathroom in her sweats.

 

“I'm going to go get some food. Do you want anything?” Lexa asked. She watched in confusion as Clarke's eyes widened.

 

“Wait!” Clarke called quietly. When Clarke failed to speak, Lexa frowned.

 

“I'm hungry and it's the middle of the night. I know the pizza place down the street is still open.”

 

“I know! But could you wait five more minutes.” Clarke looked at the clock. It was four in the morning. Their friends had gone home, but Clarke knew Raven was going to be here any second with Anya.

 

“Can you please explain why I can't leave?” Lexa asked slowly.

 

Clarke internally relaxed when she looked out the window and saw her approaching. Clarke tried her hardest to contain her excitement. Anya had impeccable timing.

 

“Look behind you.” Clarke whispered. Lexa wasn't even sure she had to. Lexa could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Her legs almost gave out when she looked behind her.

 

She was still in her uniform. Her hair pinned up and her cap on. She had a bag thrown on her back, Anya quickly put it down when she walked through the door.

 

Raven had a knowing smile on her face. She was walking beside Anya, holding a few pizza boxes and couldn't help bringing Anya in for a kiss before Lexa got a hold of her.

 

Lexa let a few tears stream down her face walking over to her on shaky legs. It may have been four in the morning, but Lexa was buzzing with energy.

 

“Anya?” Lexa asked quietly.

 

“I'm home.” Anya smirked while shrugging.

 

Raven put the food down on the table as Lexa brought Anya in for a bone crushing hug. She knew she had to be quiet because Ethan was sleeping in Clarke's arms.

 

“Anya!” Lexa cried into her shoulder. Anya wrapped her arms tightly around Lexa before letting her go.

 

“How long are you home?”

 

“For quite sometime.” Anya murmured with a smirk.

 

“I thought it was going to be a few days after his birth.”

 

“I got discharged earlier than expected. I didn't know I would make it home in time. He's so beautiful.” Anya whispered looking at him in Clarke's arms. Anya walked over hugging Clarke as best she could without crushing the baby.

 

“How are you?” Anya asked, looking down at her softly.

 

“I'm fantastic.” Clarke gushed looking down at Ethan.

 

“Let’s eat!” Raven said with a smile. Lexa handed a slice to Clarke before sitting next to Anya.

 

“You have incredible timing.” Lexa smiled reaching for a slice. Anya smiled back with a mouth full of pizza.

 

“You two are gross.” Raven rolled her eyes. Anya let out a soft giggle before kissing Raven on the cheek.

 

“I didn't know I was going to land this late, but Raven said you guys were still at the hospital. I thought I’d surprise you.” Anya explained making Lexa smile wide.

 

“Well, I'm glad you're here. Clarke's gonna stay for a bit before bringing Ethan home.”

 

“I'm happy for you.” Anya said.

 

“Thank you.”

 

They spent the next hour talking quietly and catching up with each other.

 

Ethan woke up to eat before Lexa burped him. She walked over to sit next to Anya and Raven was on Clarke's bed talking quietly with her.

 

“Look, it's your aunt Anya,” Lexa said softly. “Would you like to hold him?”

 

Anya was staring down at Ethan like he was a foreign object. When Anya took more than a minute to reply, Lexa looked up at her, but couldn't quite make out the look on her face.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Lexa asked gently. Anya snapped out of whatever weird trance she was in. Lexa frowned at her before repeating her question.

 

“Can I just look at him from your arms?” Anya asked warily. She had that look in her eye, Lexa knew not to question.

 

“Yeah.” Lexa answered. She didn't miss the haunted look in Anya's eyes, and wondered what exactly happened while she was away. It was clear that Anya wasn't ready to talk about it, especially at five in the morning.

 

“You guys can take off if you're tired.” Lexa offered. Anya yawned and nodded appreciatively.

 

“We’ll be back soon.” Anya said standing up. Lexa followed, pulling her in for a one armed hug.

 

“It's okay, Anya.” Lexa nodded.

 

“Okay, I'll see you later.” Anya replied extending her hand to Raven, who took it with a sleepy smile on her face.

 

Lexa closed the door before turning around and facing Clarke. Lexa handed Ethan back to Clarke, getting ready to head to the couch when Clarke got her wrist.

 

“You can sleep on the bed with me.” Clarke offered. Lexa looked at her with wide eyes biting down on her lip.

 

“Unless my smell puts you off.” Clarke joked with a small smile.

 

“You don't smell,” Lexa assured her. “Move over.”

 

Lexa knew it wasn't a good idea to lay in a bed with Clarke, but if they were going to be sharing a room with each other for the next couple of months, Lexa figured it wouldn't hurt.

 

Ethan rested against Clarke as Lexa crawled into the bed with them. She wrapped her arms around Clarke, who rested her head against her shoulder.

 

They both laid there and enjoyed the quiet. Ethan was dozing off to sleep and Clarke snuggled further into Lexa. The tension between them was still high, but they were both putting it on hold for Ethan. Lexa didn't know if this was the right time to bring it up, but didn't want Clarke thinking she purposely tried to miss their baby's birth.

 

“I wasn't with her, Clarke. I know it's hard to believe, but I really was in a meeting. You think I wouldn't answer if I was with her. If I could've, I would have. Everyone had their phones off.” Lexa whispered staring down at Ethan.

 

“I'm sorry for not believing you.” Clarke said.

 

“It's okay. I think we both need to be open and honest with each other, especially since we’re going to be living together again.”

 

“You're right. We need to trust each other.”

 

“I can't promise you I won't see her,” Lexa muttered. “But I won't bring her to the house.”

 

“Of course you will.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“Okay, let's not talk about it because we were having a moment.” Lexa murmured.

 

“We were, weren't we?” Clarke hummed.

 

“Believe it or not.” Lexa teased. They both took a moment to stare down at Ethan sleeping before drifting off to sleep themselves.

* * *

 

Clarke was sure the happiest day of her life was bringing Ethan home. Their friends and family decorated their home with welcome home banters. They partied all day, but Ethan slept for most of it.

 

Clarke and Lexa agreed that it would be easier if Lexa slept in Clarke's room, because Ethan would be sleeping in the bassinet.

 

Lexa proved to be a great help and wonderful mother. She was there whenever Clarke needed her for the first couple weeks. All Ethan did these days was eat, poop and sleep. He woke up every two hours during the night, and Lexa would tend to his needs.

 

Clarke started pumping once they got home and Ethan took to the bottles without any problems. Lexa thought it was the perfect way to bond with him. Whenever Ethan was with Lexa, he would stare down at her boobs and Lexa would blush because she had nothing for him.

 

Clarke loved being on maternity leave and getting to stay home with Ethan all day. Lexa would work all day before coming home and helping her out, but Clarke couldn't help noticing over the last few weeks that Lexa was coming home later and later. Clarke would be exhausted by time Lexa came home and would hand Ethan off to her before showering or taking a break.

 

Their communication was starting to get bad again because Lexa was hardly around and when Lexa was around, they would bicker over every little thing.

 

Clarke was trying to be understanding because Lexa was the one bringing in money right now. Clarke knew Lexa could quit her job right now and they would still be financial stable, but that wasn't the point. Lexa was a hard working woman and Clarke respected that. She just wished Lexa would help her out more.

 

Lexa would be gone by the time Clarke and Ethan woke up. Clarke wouldn't hear from her all day until she came home and even then, they barely spoke. Lexa would take Ethan off of her hands for a little while and Clarke would go shower or clean up around the house.

 

Lexa was an amazing mother and Ethan would light up when she was around, but Clarke couldn't help but feel like she was in this alone. Lexa was always out and about all the time and Clarke was stuck in the house taking care of their son.

 

Clarke had no idea what was going to happen once she went back to work. Both their jobs were demanding and Clarke just wanted to be there for her son.

 

It was Friday evening and they were currently lounging around on the couch. Ethan was laying next to her on a blanket. He had just eaten and Clarke was buttoning her shirt back up.

 

It was nearing eight o'clock at night and Lexa still wasn't home yet. Clarke sighed deeply wondering when Lexa was going to walk through the door.

 

Clarke waited impatiently, playing with Ethan until she finally heard the door open half an hour later. She rolled her eyes when she heard Lexa calling out for her. Clarke heard her footsteps before she came into view. Lexa put her briefcase down before pulling off her heels.

 

“Hey.” Lexa greeted before picking up Ethan. He was already a month old and the spitting image of both of them.

 

Clarke stayed silent and watched Lexa shower kisses to Ethan’s face. Upon Clarke silence, Lexa side eyed her. Lexa sighed heavily at the frown on her face.

 

“What's wrong?” Lexa asked.

 

“Where were you?” Clarke squinted her eyes at her. Lexa had a lazy smile on her face and her eyes were glazed over.

 

“Work.” Lexa said making Clarke scoff.

 

“No, you weren't. You didn't even bother to call me and tell me you were going out?”

 

“I didn't go out.” Lexa said settling in the couch with Ethan in her arms.

 

“You've been drinking.” Clarke retorted folding her arms.

 

“I had a drink or two at the office, before getting in a cab. I've been loaded down with work and I wanted to take the edge off.”

 

“Yeah, I've noticed.” Clarke said sarcastically making Lexa frown.

 

“I'm sorry I'm trying to keep my company up and running.”

 

“You could call and check in on us every once in awhile.” Clarke suggested.

 

“Would that make you happy?”

 

“Your sarcasm is noted.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes and got up. She placed Ethan in his swing and walked into the kitchen. Clarke followed her with Ethan still in their sight.

 

Lexa pulled out some leftovers before silently offering Clarke some. Clarke nodded before Lexa started dishing out food onto two plates.

 

“I feel all alone in this.” Clarke sighed leaning against the counter. Lexa looked at her with soft eyes before warming their food up.

 

“That's not how I want you to feel.”

 

“I'm not saying you're a bad mom, but he's a handful and everyone is always working, except me.”

 

Lexa sighed before walking over to Clarke. Lexa pulled her in for an awkward one armed hug.

 

“I can't be here and working at the same time.”

 

“I just want you around more.” Clarke answered sadly, wiping away some of her tears.

 

“Clarke, I'll always be here. Maybe I can try working from home more, but I'm the boss of thousands of people. I have to attending meetings. I have to make an appearance, Clarke, because it's my company. I'm the face of it.”

 

“I know,” Clarke sniffled. She had no idea where the tears came from, but once they started it was hard for her to stop. “Just forget it.”

 

“No, if you need help then I'll try to do that. I've just been really stressed trying to make a profit this quarter.”

 

“What's going to happen when I go back to work? We’ll both be working full time and I don't want to leave him with a nanny or something.”

 

The microwave beeped and they pulled away from each other. Lexa could've sworn that Clarke's cheeks pinked as she turned around to get their food.

 

“I don't know what's going to happen.” Lexa said handing a plate to Clarke. They both went back in the living room and ate on the couch with Ethan in his swing next to them.

 

“I'm itching to get back to work. I just want to get back into surgery.” Clarke said taking a bite of food.

 

“You will and I'll be around more. I'm sorry I've been all over the place.”

 

“I'm not trying to make you feel bad for working.”

 

“No, I understand what you're saying,” Lexa flashed Clarke a devious smile. “You need me.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes but a playful smile coated her lips.

 

“That's not what I'm saying.”

 

“I believe your exact words were: I just want you around more.” Lexa voice went incredible high trying to imitate Clarke.

 

“My voice is not that high!” Clarke giggled. “It's more of a husk, if you will.”

 

“Oh, I'm aware.” Lexa nodded with a playful glint in her eye.

 

A comfortable silence fell over them for a minute before Lexa spoke up again.

 

“I'll try to be around more. Juggling work and Ethan is a lot harder than I thought. I don't want to miss out and I don't want him to feel like I'm never around even if he's a baby.”

 

“I know, Lexa.”

 

“Thank you for saying something. I'm glad you did.”

 

“I feel like we’re going to have to get someone to watch him. A nanny or something because my maternity leave is almost up.”

 

Lexa sighed heavily. She didn't want to be one of those parents that stuck their kid with a babysitter all day. Lexa wasn't seeing how they would be home and work at the same time. They both had demanding jobs and Lexa knew this was the only option.

 

“We’re probably going to have to get a nanny. I want someone good and I'm running background checks on all of them, but you'll still have time with him.” Lexa said, washing her food down with a gulp of water.

 

“Are we really going to be those parents?” Clarke voiced the question that was gnawing at the back of Lexa's mind.

 

“I don't know what else to do,” Lexa shrugged. “Someone's going to have to watch him.”

 

“Yeah, you're right,” Clarke agreed. “I guess we can start looking soon.”

 

“You could always quit and become a stay at home mom.” Lexa offered with a smirk.

 

“You're so full of jokes tonight.” Clarke rolled her eyes. She got off the couch and gathered both their plates once they were finished eating.

 

Lexa scooped up Ethan before they both headed upstairs.

 

They’d kept their arrangement and they were still sleeping in the same room. It was nearly impossible not to, when Ethan woke up constantly through the night.

 

They would take turns getting him, but most of the time they both woke up to tend to his needs.

 

Lexa handed Ethan to Clarke before going in the other room to get changed. Clarke settled in bed with Ethan resting against her. He had Lexa's big green eyes and was looking up at her.

 

“Hi, baby boy.” Clarke kissed his cheeks before laying him down on the blanket on the bed.

 

Lexa came back clad in sweats before crawling in bed next to Ethan. Lexa rattled a few toys above his head, which made him smile wide.

 

“He's so cute!” Clarke gushed, turning the TV on, but all her focus was on Ethan.

 

“I know,” Lexa smiled softly at Clarke. “Now, if only he slept through the night, he would be adorable.”

 

“I'm with you there.”

 

They both watched TV for a few minutes in silence. Ethan was between them dozing off and Lexa turned to face Clarke.

 

“I remember how your favorite subject always used to be art,” Lexa spoke softly so she didn't wake Ethan up. “You used to be so good at it, but stopped and never started again.”

 

“I haven't looked at a canvas in so long.” Clarke sighed fondly, thinking about how much art used to mean to her.

 

“Maybe that could help. I remember when you were upset or sad or angry, you would always draw.” Lexa suggested with a light shrug.

 

“Maybe,” Clarke said warily, biting her bottom lip. “Can you put him in his bassinet?”

 

“Of course.” Lexa said, softly picking Ethan up and walking around the bed.

 

After placing Ethan down, Lexa sat on the edge of the bed next to Clarke's legs.

 

“I'm really sorry if you felt like I wasn't there,” Lexa said, locking eyes with Clarke. “I never want you to feel like that again. I'm just.. really sorry.”

 

“It's okay, Lexa.”

 

“I want to give him the world.” Lexa said, glancing back at their son. “I want to be a better mother than I have been.”

 

“I never said you were a bad mom.” Clarke said immediately.

 

“I can try harder to be there and I will. We’ll figure this out.” Lexa turned her attention back to Clarke.

 

“Together?” Clarke held her hand out and waited for Lexa's. Clarke pressed her lips into a thin smile because she was beyond relieved that Lexa would start helping her more.

 

Clarke felt a raging wave of emotion hit her when Lexa slid her hand into hers and uttered the words that made her heart beat fast in her chest.

 

“Together.”


	14. Chapter 14

Clarke woke up with a start. The minute her alarm went off, she sprung up from bed. She quickly looked to her left and smiled at Ethan who was still sleeping soundly in his bassinet.

 

Clarke yawned and stretched, reaching over to turn the lamp on. She groaned when she realized that Lexa was already gone and there were many things she needed to do around the house plus take care of Ethan. She had no idea how she was going to juggle the two without Lexa.

 

The house was getting messy, they were backed up on laundry and you couldn't go anywhere in the house without finding one of Ethan’s blankets.

 

Clarke sighed and was getting ready to get up when she heard movement in the bathroom. She cursed under her breath because she didn't have anything to protect herself with and Lexa wasn't here.

 

Clarke had no time to prepare herself because the bathroom door came flying open. The second it did, she shot up from bed and threw a pillow at the intruder.

 

“Leave us alone!” Clarke roared, effectively waking Ethan and causing a fit of giggles.

 

“Clarke, it's me!” Lexa quickly defended herself. “Did you just hit me with a pillow?”

 

The realization finally set in and Clarke widened her eyes.

 

“Lexa? But I thought you were- it's already 7:45- aren't you suppose-”

 

Lexa placed the pillow back on the bed and rushed over to Ethan’s side to pick him up.

 

“Yes,” Lexa said, turning back around and facing Clarke. “But… I figured that I would work from home today. It's no big deal. I was actually going to cook you breakfast, but you're up now.”

 

“Really?” Clarke said in a high pitched voice that she hardly recognized.

 

“The holidays are coming up and I know you're going to need help more, so I'm going to do the best I can. I won't hover and I have a few things I need to get done today, but I'll be around.”

 

Clarke walked over to Lexa and looked directly in her eyes. She reached out and rubbed Ethan’s back to try and calm him down.

 

“I would love nothing more.” Clarke murmured and when the staring was too much, she looked away. “Thank you.”

 

“I want to do this. I want to be here for you and Ethan. I'm sorry I wasn't balancing it well.”

 

“It's fine, Lexa,” Clarke said as Ethan started to get more fussy. “Would you mind making breakfast while I feed him?”

 

“Yes. I would be happy to.” Lexa said as she kissed Ethan on the cheek before handing him over. She took a moment to appreciate how good Clarke looked with a baby in her arms, before they all walked downstairs together.

* * *

 

Having Lexa around in the mornings was a little weird. Clarke was used to making a bowl of cereal or a quick bowl of oatmeal because Ethan would start getting fussy. Being able to feed Ethan without having to worry about making breakfast too, was a relief for Clarke.

 

Lexa was slaving away on the stove and the smells that were wafting through the kitchen were heavenly.

 

“Thank you for making breakfast.” Clarke said, buttoning her shirt back up.

 

“It’s the least I can do.” Lexa replied over her shoulder. “Whatever you need help with today, I’ll be here.”

 

Clarke offered Lexa a soft smile that she couldn’t see. She put Ethan in his swing before walking back up to Lexa.

 

“We should do those interviews soon.” Clarke mentioned as she got a drink out of the fridge.

 

“Of course. I can’t wait.” Lexa said with an evil smile that made Clarke chuckle.

 

“Promise me you won’t grill them too hard.”

 

“They’re gonna be burnt steaks when I’m done with them.” Lexa said with a sweet smile. “Breakfast is served.”

 

Lexa handed Clarke a plate with various fruit and a cheese omelet on it.

 

“This is better than anything I can whip up.” Clarke licked her lips while looking down at the plate of food.

 

They both sat down with Ethan off to the side of them. For the first time in a long time, the silence around them wasn’t awkward. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes before Clarke broke it.

 

“I can't wait to start exercising again. I need to lose this baby weight.” Clarke sighed as she stuffed some food in her mouth.

 

“I don’t think you need to work out.” Lexa frowned, taking a sip of orange juice.

 

“Oh, Lexa. You don’t have to lie.” Clarke muttered around a piece of her omelet.

 

“If I wasn’t the mother of your baby, I would’ve never guessed you even got pregnant.” Lexa shrugged. She was hiding her smirk around her glass of orange juice.

 

“Now, I know you’re lying.” Clarke pointed her fork at her.

 

“If you really want to work out, that can definitely be arranged, especially once we get a babysitter.”

 

“I just want to lose some of this baby weight that you claim you can’t see.”

 

“Running does wonders for the body.” Lexa offered with a smile because she knew Clarke would object to it.

 

“Yeah, that’s more of your thing, not mine. I was thinking something with as little movement as possibly. Like one of those bike machines.”

 

“We can add one to the gym in the garage. I can order one of those bike machines.”

 

“Lexa, those things are extremely expensive. I can order it.” Clarke was using a tone that Lexa knew not to argue with, but she couldn’t help herself.

 

“It’s in my gym, so therefore, I’ll pay.”

 

“Is this because you make more than me, Woods? I know I haven’t been working, but I assure you, I can pay for it myself. You know, when I’m really ready to start working out. I can wait a couple more weeks.”

 

“Suit yourself. I’ll let it go.” Lexa smirked. She loved that they could have a conversation like this without either one of them blowing up.

 

Lexa knew if this was a few months ago. One of them would’ve started yelling by now and she was sure, she probably would’ve walked off by now.

 

“I’m glad we can do this,” Clarke voiced Lexa’s thoughts. “It’s nice sitting here as a family.”

 

“I’m sorry I was missing out on this before. I love being here with you guys.” Lexa looked over to Ethan, who was sleeping in his swing. She let out a happy sigh at seeing her son so content. “I think he’s the greatest gift I’ll ever receive.”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke agreed. “No amount of presents this year will compare to him. Speaking of, we still need to hang the lights around the house, prepare for the Christmas party and I think we should just have everyone here for Christmas.”

 

“I agree. As for us buying each other presents…”

 

“We don’t have to. I think Ethan was more than enough for both of us this year. He’s already so expensive. We can skip this year.”

 

It hurt knowing that Clarke wanted to skip out on buying each other presents. Even when they went away for college, they would always get together during the holidays and exchange presents. But on the other hand, Lexa could see where Clarke was coming from. This year has been a rollercoaster for them and now that Ethan was here, Lexa found herself not really wanting a present. Ethan was the best gift of all.

 

“That’s totally fine.” Lexa said while finishing her meal. “We can go light this year.”

 

“As long as we’re together on Christmas, it’ll be okay.” Clarke’s eyes widened the second she finished talking. Lexa would’ve laughed had it not been for the rocky status of their relationship.

 

“I meant.. Like as a family together.. Not together, together.” It was funny watching Clarke trying to explain herself. Lexa offered her a slight chuckle before putting her hand up.

 

“I understand what you meant.” Lexa stopped the awkward ramblings from Clarke. The blonde visibly relaxed and went back to her food.

 

“Hurry up,” Lexa said as she stood up. “We have much to do today.”

 

Clarke nodded in agreement and just hoped she didn’t make things worse by saying they shouldn’t get each other presents this year. Instead, she focused on all the housework she needed to do before the holidays were here. She enjoyed her day with Lexa and found herself not as stressed out as she normally was.

* * *

 

Raven knew the minute she saw Anya at the airport, that something wasn't right. Raven knew she just got back from a terrible war, but the look in Anya’s eye, rubbed her the wrong way.

 

Raven kissed Anya as many times as she could and when they headed home that night after visiting Clarke and Lexa at the hospital, Raven didn't even know where to begin.

 

She didn't question her. Raven knew not to do that anymore. She knew to wait for Anya to come to her with it, but it was hard when Anya barely met her eyes.

 

Raven completely broke down when they bathed together that morning Anya got back, her body was covered in bruises and wounds. Raven gently ran her hands over them before changing the bandages. Even then, Anya hadn't said anything to her. She gave her a kiss on the forehead before leaving the bathroom.

 

It had been weeks of silence. Anya wouldn't speak about it, no matter what. Raven knew not to push, but she would see Anya spacing out. Her face would pale and it was as if she had seen a ghost.

 

Raven didn't know how to help her. Anya would go to the gym and hang out with Lexa, but Raven knew Anya was fighting a battle she wasn't going to win, because she was trying to fight it alone.

 

When Raven did try to get Anya to open up, the soldier would silence her with a kiss before pulling her to the bedroom. Raven fell for it every time. She loved being intimate with Anya, and loved that they could whenever they wanted. She could taste the desperation behind Anya's kiss and Raven tried her best to silence her fears by brushing her tongue along hers.

 

It was a quiet Tuesday evening when Raven came into the kitchen. Anya had cooked them dinner, something Raven didn't want her to do. Raven wanted her to rest and take it easy, but Anya couldn't sit still.

 

Anya was everywhere: cleaning, dusting, and cooking. Raven had no idea what to do. She had never acted like this coming home from any war.

 

Raven let her do it, though. She would always try to cook, but Anya was adamant on doing it herself. Raven thought it would be the other way around, but Anya had barely let her lift a finger. Anya was waiting on her hand and foot, Raven didn't know if she sound be thankful or scared. Anya's behavior was starting to freak her out.

 

Raven’s plate was already made and waiting on the table with a beer. Anya wouldn't even let her make her own plate. Normally, Raven wouldn't mind, but the fact that Anya just got home, made her a little wary.

 

“Let me change your bandages.” Raven offered walking further into the kitchen.

 

“No need. I already did it and you need to eat.” Anya gestured towards her plate.

 

“You know, I think you'll always have it in you to take care of people,” Raven said sitting down across from Anya at the table. Anya stayed silent, staring at Raven gently. “Your job is to serve and protect. I know it makes you feel honored and respected. I'll always respect you, Anya, but when are you going to let me take care of you, for once?” Raven asked desperately. “You clean out your wounds by yourself. You won't let me cook anything. You won't let me help you. What happened to you out there?”

 

Raven finally felt lighter when she asked the question that had been gnawing at the back of her mind since Anya got home. Anya's gaze darkened, but she didn't say anything. She’d been doing that a lot lately. Raven would ask her a question and Anya would just stare at her before Raven either dropped it or Anya walked out angrily.

 

“Where’s my girlfriend?” Raven asked exasperatedly. Anya clenched her jaw before standing up abruptly. The chair scuffed against the floor loudly before Anya dashed up the stairs. Even though Raven was expecting it, she still jumped when the door slammed closed.

 

Raven ran her hands over her face before burying her head in them. She knew not to bother Anya when she got like this, but she wanted Anya to know that she was here for her. Raven sighed heavily before getting up.

 

She really wanted to go upstairs, but didn't know if she should risk it. When she heard a broken sob come from the bedroom, Raven didn't think twice about it and raced upstairs.

 

She opened the door slowly. Her heart broke at seeing Anya in a ball on the floor by the dresser. Raven closed the door before quickly rushing over to her, but Anya flinched away. Raven tried to grab a hold of her again, but Anya pushed her off.

 

“Leave me alone!” Anya yelled. Raven looked at Anya with wide eyes and stayed where she was. She waited a minute before making her next move.

 

“Baby.” Raven whispered. Anya snapped her head up finally locking eyes with Raven, the recognition flashing in her eyes.

 

“I'm sorry!” Anya said with wide eyes. “I didn't mean-”

 

“It's okay.” Raven nodded, crawling over to her.

 

“I didn't mean to push you off.”

 

“You're scared and I'm scared for you. I can't help you if you won't let me. I know something happened,” Raven held Anya close to her. She felt thin and Raven didn't like it. “What did they do to you?”

 

Raven knew she wasn't going to get an answer. Anya cuddled up to her and they stayed there in the darkness of their bedroom. Raven didn't even think about moving, even though her butt was getting numb.

 

It wasn't long until Anya's breathing become heavy and Raven knew she was sleeping. Raven leaned her head against the wall, wondering how to help her girlfriend.

* * *

 

As the weeks went on, Lexa was becoming a pro at handling work and being there for her family. Clarke and her were communicating well, but still glossed over certain conversations. Lexa was happy that things were running smoothly between them as Ethan neared three months.

 

He was starting to grow into his face and was looking more and more like Clarke each day. Clarke would argue and say he looked like her and they would playfully argue about it for a few moments.

 

Christmas was surprisingly a smooth affair. They agreed that they wouldn’t buy each other presents. It still stung because they always bought each other presents on Christmas, but they decided it was for the best. They didn’t talk about it and instead, focused on making Ethan’s first Christmas a good one. There was no arguing and all their friends and family showered him with toys and clothes he was too little for.

 

With the holidays out of the way, Lexa would stay in for the weekends, while Clarke went out with Raven and Octavia. Lexa was happy that Clarke could enjoy a night out with their friends, it was long overdue.

 

Being so wrapped up in her family, Lexa hadn’t had much time to make it to the bar to meet Luna like she normally did. She was constantly canceling on her and Lexa could tell Luna was starting to get upset about it.

 

Lexa finally promised her that they would hang out this weekend at her place. Lexa knew it was a terrible idea because she hadn’t been there in over a month, but she knew Luna wanted to hang out with her.

 

She was currently running late because she misplaced her apartment keys and wanted to grab dinner for them on the way there.

 

Lexa rushed to get to her old apartment before Luna did. There was barely anything in there, especially food. Lexa juggled the bags of food in her hands as she raced up the stairs to the apartment. She sighed heavily when she saw the redhead leaning against the wall next to her door.

 

“Hello.” Luna purred, leaning off the wall. She was wearing a short, tight fitted dress and her curls were pulled up in a bun.

 

“Hey. I’m sorry I’m late.” Lexa pulled Luna in for a hug before opening the door. They both shivered at the rush of cold air that hit them.

 

Luna looked at her weirdly, but Lexa was glad she didn’t comment on how cold it was in here. Lexa shivered the whole way to the kitchen with Luna on her heels.

 

“How have you been? How was your day at work?” Luna asked, leaning against the counter. By the look in Luna’s eyes, Lexa could tell she had a million questions running through her mind.

 

Lexa opened her cabinets, realizing that she didn’t have any cutlery. She tried to quickly close the cabinet but knew Luna had seen it.

 

“Okay, can you please tell me what's going on and why you look like you haven’t slept in days? Why are we still here, if you moved? I know things have been hectic with the holidays ending, but something isn’t adding up.” Luna huffed. Lexa sighed, she couldn't even sit down anywhere because she didn't have a couch.

 

“Do you really want the truth?” Lexa asked quietly.

 

“I do.” Luna said firmly.

 

“I have a son.” Lexa confessed. She didn't know how Luna was going to take the information. She liked hanging out with her and didn't want this to ruin it.

 

“You have a son?” Luna repeated slowly.

 

“He's three months old. His mom and I aren't together and I didn't know how to tell you. We bought a house together, but I moved out when things weren't working out. I've been staying at the house to help her out with him. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you.”

 

Luna was silent for a long time. Lexa waited with her hands behind her back. She had no idea what Luna was thinking.

 

“I see.” Luna finally muttered. Lexa sighed deeply, thinking she’d already messed this up.

 

“Okay.” Luna said after a minute.

 

“Okay?” Lexa questioned.

 

“I mean, you really know how to drop a bomb on a girl, but it's fine. So, you and the mom aren't together?”

 

“No, we’re just trying to raise him together. It's going well for the most part.”

 

“Well, maybe we can start hanging out more at my place now that I know of your situation. No wonder why it's so cold here.”

 

“Hey!” Lexa defended weakly.

 

“It is! I'm surprised I can't see my breath in front of me.”

 

“So, you want to keep hanging out?”

 

“I can already tell there’s stuff going on between you two. I really don’t want to get in the way of that and cause any problems, but yes, I would like to keep hanging out with you,” Luna said honestly before smirking. “But, do you think we could go to my place tonight?”

 

“I think that would be for the best.” Lexa nodded with a soft smile. Luna softly took the bags from her before tugging on her hand.

 

“Let’s go!”

* * *

 

Luna’s place was significantly better than Lexa’s. It actually had furniture and the heat felt amazing against their cold skin. It was a nice little apartment right in the heart of the city. It took them a bit to get there, but it was worth it. Luna’s apartment was way better than her abandoned one.

 

They got settled in with the dinner Lexa picked up on their laps.

 

“So..” Luna offered Lexa an encouraging smile which made the brunette scrunch her eyebrows together.

“So..” Lexa mimicked back and Luna playfully rolled her eyes.

 

“Tell me about your son!” Luna demanded. “I’m dying to know. Does he look like you?”

 

“He does!” Lexa gushed with a smile. “He looks like his other mom too, but he looks so much like me, it’s crazy.”

 

“That’s so cute.” Luna offered her a wide smile.

 

“Here’s a picture of him.” Lexa said, pulling her wallet out of showing her a picture of Ethan at a photo shoot they had when he turned two months.

 

“He’s gorgeous!” Luna praised. “He’s definitely going to have your jaw line. Something he will thank you for later.”

 

“Oh, it’s nothing!” Lexa tried to wave off, but she loved the attention.

 

“Are you kidding me? Your jaw line has to be one of the sexiest things about you.”

 

Lexa tried her hardest not to blush, but she felt it creeping up her neck. She couldn’t hide it and she knew Luna saw it.

 

“You’re a really attractive woman, Lexa. Half of this city wants to sleep with you.” Luna waved her hands around for effect.

 

“Now, that’s a lie!” Lexa shook her head as she ate her food. She washed it down with some water while Luna stared at her intently.

 

“I already have about 50 women I know off the bat that would sleep with you. Another 50 that talk about how hot you are on a daily basis and another 50 who just want to see your-“

 

“Don’t finish that!” Lexa screeched. Luna let out a full laugh, but she nodded her head.

 

“Okay, I won’t, but the point is, a lot of women think you're hot. Men too. Don’t be fooled.”

 

“I’ve just been dealing with so much. I’m not good at this.”

 

“I think you’re doing a good job.” Luna offered with a casual shrug.

 

“How can you say that?” Lexa whispered. “My commander wouldn’t perform and it was so embarrassing.”

 

“I thought we were over that,” Luna said as she wiped her mouth and put her plate on the coffee table. “I’m sure it will perform in the future.”

 

“You would want to-“

 

“Yes,” Luna answered immediately. “But we don’t have to do anything. I really do like hanging out with you.”

 

“Yeah, me too.” Lexa said. She decided not to say anything more about their failed hook up and focused on spending time with her friend.

* * *

 

“Alright, let’s get you fed before Ontari gets here.” Clarke cooed gently to Ethan. She was finally going back to work today and she was ansty. Ethan was only three months old and Clarke hated that she was leaving him so early, but her maternity leave was up, there was no more stalling.

 

Going back to work was such a bittersweet feeling. Clarke was savoring her moments with her baby boy before Ontari got here.

 

Through multiple interviews (Clarke liked to call them interrogations because Lexa was hard on every single candidate) they finally found a babysitter that fit well with their schedule. It took so much stress off of Clarke, knowing that her baby would be in good hands.

 

Lexa was currently working on breakfast as Clarke unbuttoned her shirt. Even though Lexa’s back was to Clarke, she couldn’t help but blush, knowing that Clarke was half naked behind her.

 

“Is it safe to turn around?” Lexa asked. She needed the milk out of the fridge.

 

“Lexa, you ask this everyday, of course you can.” Clarke answered. Lexa nodded dumbly, but avoided all eye contact as she walked over to the fridge.

 

“Are you excited to be back?” Lexa asked after a minute.

 

“I can’t wait.” Clarke gushed, holding Ethan closer to her. “I’m going to miss him so much. You never know how long you’re going to be when working at a hospital. People need help almost every second.”

 

“You’re a phenomenal surgeon and you should definitely be there.” Lexa said, turning back around to working on the pancakes.

 

“Hi, guys. Hello!” Lexa jumped when she heard their babysitter walk through the door.

 

“Ontari, what did we tell you about knocking?” Clarke screeched, trying to cover herself up.

 

“Sorry, Ms. Griffin. I guess I just get so excited sometimes!” Ontari apologized before walking up to Lexa.

 

“One large strawberry, banana and kiwi smoothie coming your way!” Ontari said as she passed Lexa the smoothie. Lexa nodded her thanks before Ontari made herself at home.

 

“You can take him once I’m done feeding him.” Clarke said, a blanket now covering her chest.

 

“Of course!” Ontari replied with a huge smile. “Did I tell you guys how honored I am that you chose me? I mean, I’m in Lexa Woods’ house, watching her baby, eating off her plates! This is one for the history books. My friends are so jealous. Not to mention the fact that this is totally going to help pay off my student loans.”

 

Throughout the week that they hired Ontari, they both quickly figured out that she tended to talk a lot. She was very young, but she was the best candidate that had offered to watch Ethan. She was only twenty-one years old, but had more experience than most of the nannies that signed up. She liked to over step and over share, but Lexa couldn’t complain. She knew Ontari was giving Ethan everything they couldn’t while they were at work.

 

“We’re happy we hired you.” Lexa could just hear the smile in Clarke’s voice and it made her smile too.

 

“We both are!” Lexa turned around to dish out the pancakes onto plates.

 

“Are you excited for your first day back?” Ontari asked as she took Ethan so Clarke could eat.

 

“A little nervous, but excited to get back into the groove of things.” Clarke answered with a soft smile. Ethan was laying his head on Ontari’s chest and she knew he would be sleep in a matter of minutes.

 

“I should get going soon.” Clarke said after she finished her breakfast. Lexa wished her good luck with a soft kiss on the cheek. After saying goodbye to Ontari and Ethan, Clarke walked out the door to her car. The spot on the cheek where Lexa kissed her, burning the whole way there.

 

* * *

 

Leaving Ethan was harder than Clarke thought. She was so ready to get back to work and not be cooped up in the house anymore, but she missed her baby boy the second she got on the road.

 

She was welcomed back with open arms. Something that made her smile and made the day a lot easier. Lexa even texted her throughout the day when she wasn’t in surgery. She had hourly reports coming in from Ontari and Clarke felt at ease.

 

She already had a few surgeries. Three knee surgeries and even one heart transplant. It was nearing the end of the day and Clarke smiled at how successful it was.

 

She saw her mom only once throughout the day. The neurologist was very busy. Clarke didn’t mean though. Her mom was highly recommended in the city and it made Clarke proud.

 

Clarke finally had a break and was eating while leaning against the counter talking to Harper.

 

“It’s so great to have you back. I-“ Harper didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence before Clarke’s beeper went off.

 

“Oh, sorry,” Clarke quickly put her sandwich down. She was getting ready to check her beeper when the emergency doors flew open.

 

There was a whole bunch of commotion as Monroe and Nathan wheeled in a patient. Clarke heard someone crying in the background and she gasped at the amount of blood coming from the body.

 

“What do we have?” Clarke immediately questioned, walking up to Nathan.

 

“Patient was in a severe car accident. Suffered injury to the head. He was trapped under the car for a while. There's glass all in his right leg. Left leg is broke. It's a miracle he's even alive.” Nathan quickly listed off what was wrong with the patient and as Clarke got closer, the body looked more and more familiar. She couldn’t quite place her finger on it until Thelonious came into view.

 

“T-Thelonious?” Clarke asked in confusion.

 

“Clarke!” Thelonious rushed over to her. “Please, tell me you can do something.”

 

“You know him?” Nathan asked, but Clarke didn’t have time to answer questions.

 

“We need to get him into a OR room stat.” Clarke spoke. Her heart broke when she finally looked at her old childhood friend’s face, before she locked eyes with Nathan.

 

“Get my mom. I need her for surgery. Harper, call everyone in my contacts. Make sure Lexa’s the first one!” Clarke spoke over her shoulder, already wheeling Wells away. She told herself that she needed to calm down if she was actually going to pull this off, but it was hard. With every step she took, she felt like her lungs were closing up on her.

 

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Nathan asked as they got everything ready. Clarke offered him a single nod while drying her hands.

 

“I’ll be fine. I’m not leaving this OR room until he’s stable.” Clarke walked out the doors into the surgery room. Her mother was standing head of the table and everyone immediately got to work.

 

Clarke broke down a few times because Wells’ heart kept failing. Nathan tried to get her out the room but after making eye contact with her mother, she quickly pulled it together.

 

Blood normally didn’t make Clarke nausea, but she couldn’t help the waves of nervousness in her stomach. Clarke felt like she was going to see her lunch again, she was so out of it. Clarke was starting to panic with how much blood Wells was losing and she froze.

 

“Dr. Griffin!” Clarke quickly snapped out of it and looked over to Nathan. “Hand me the scalpel.”

 

Clarke nodded dumbly, grabbing it with shaking hands and handing it over to Nathan.

 

“Clarke-“

 

“Dr. Griffin.” Clarke immediately responded to her mom. Abby sighed. She didn’t look up from what she was doing, but kept talking.

 

“You can leave or take a break. Miller and I got this.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m in the middle of assisting Miller.”

 

“If this is affecting you too much-“

 

“I’m fine, mom. Let’s just focus on keeping him alive!” Clarke raised her voice. She wasn’t one to lose her cool during surgeries but her emotions were high with this one. This wasn’t some random person. Clarke knew even if it was, she would still put all her effort into making sure they survive the surgery, but this was her friend. A friend she hadn’t talked to in a long time, but a friend nevertheless. Clarke couldn’t screw this up.

 

Miller kept quiet, keeping his head down and focusing on what he was doing. Abby let out another sigh before they all went back to work.

 

* * *

 

The first person she saw was coincidentally Thelonious. He was pacing back and forth and Clarke almost broke down at the sight of him. Wells’ face kept popping up in her head and Clarke was trying with every fiber in her being to keep it together.

 

Everyone was here and Clarke had to tell herself that everything was going to be okay. It had to be.

 

Lexa popped up when she saw Clarke coming her way. Clarke was sure she looked terrible and her eyes were rimmed red. This was one of the most emotional surgeries she’d ever had.

 

“How did it go? Is he okay?” Thelonious demanded. His hands were on his hips and he wouldn’t stop pacing.

 

Clarke opened and closed her mouth before looking to Lexa. The brunette immediately walked up to her. Thelonious took this the wrong way and starting panting.

 

“No!” Clarke cried the second Lexa wrapped her arms around her waist. “I’m sorry. I don’t normally act like this. He’s fine! He’s stable!”

 

Thelonious visibly relaxed just as Abby and Nathan walked down the hall.

 

“Why don’t we discuss what happened and what’s going to happen.” Abby jumped in, looking at her daughter for a moment before softly guiding Thelonious down the hall.

 

All their friends were here and Clarke was grateful for the moral support. She didn’t think she could do this without them all being here.

 

“When can we see him?” Jasper asked eagerly.

 

“He’s not up for visitors right now, but soon.” Clarke said, her answered half muffled because her face was buried in Lexa’s neck.

 

“Can we go to an on call room?” Clarke asked softly. Lexa offered her a nod before the two disappeared.

 

* * *

 

“I kept freezing like if I somehow keep thinking that this isn’t happening, then it really wasn’t. I was costing us so much time because I couldn’t get it together. What if-“

 

“Clarke!” Lexa cut Clarke’s concerns off. “Stop, please. Sit down!”

 

Lexa motioned to the bed and Clarke obeyed. The blonde let out a long sigh, burying her head in her hands.

 

“I was so scared and I just kept thinking about you. How much fun we all had when we were kids.”

 

Lexa stayed silent for a moment before walking over and sitting next to Clarke. The brunette hesitated for a moment before taking Clarke’s hands in hers.

 

“He’s alive,” Lexa breathed. Clarke didn’t hold back her tears anymore. She let out a heartbreaking sob and Lexa pulled her closer. “And he has you to thank.”

 

“I thought- I-I thought I was going to lose him.” Clarke cried into her shoulder. Lexa wrapped her arms tight around her.

 

“He’s not dead! You aren’t going to lose him. None of us are and we have you to thank for that!” Lexa spoke over Clarke’s cries. She lifted Clarke’s head softly off her shoulder and wiped her tears away. “I’m so proud of you. Thank you.”

 

“I was just doing my job.” Clarke croaked out.

 

“You did a damn good one.” Lexa replied, wiping the rest of Clarke’s tears. The blonde shifted and Lexa just now realized how close Clarke’s face was to hers.

 

By the look on Clarke’s face, she was thinking the same thing. Lexa knew she should’ve moved away, but she stayed in her spot. Clarke’s eyes were so blue and they were drawing her in.

 

Lexa’s heart stopped when she saw Clarke’s eyes flick down to her lips. Lexa didn’t know to what think of it. They hadn’t talked about that part of their relationship in a while, but Lexa knew Clarke didn’t forget what she said to her. Lexa had no idea if Clarke would mean it if they were to kiss right now. She knew the blonde’s emotions were all over the place and that thought broke her heart.

 

“Clarke-“

 

Clarke didn’t move. She stayed leaned against Lexa and it was as if they were both stuck in time. Clarke kept glancing down to Lexa’s lips and Lexa kept her eyes locked on Clarke’s eyes.

 

Lexa let her mind go blank for a second as they shared the same air. Clarke’s breath tickled her lips and it felt like a lifetime until Clarke started to lean in.

 

Lexa’s eyes widened and her heart stopped. They couldn’t do this right now. It wasn’t the time.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed again. “We should get going.”

 

Lexa hated the way she ruined the moment. The second she said those words, Clarke pulled away from her like she was plague. The blonde stood up and gathered herself.

 

“You’re right.” Clarke said, although she wasn’t making eye contact with her. Lexa knew she blew it.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa said helplessly. “I just don’t think-“

 

“It’s okay, Lexa. You don’t have to explain yourself. I’m the one that ruined this from the beginning so it’s okay.”

 

“Clarke, please.” Lexa begged as she stood up.

 

“Because I ruin everything. Because I’m not good enough for you. No matter what I do, I’ll never be good enough because I can’t forgive myself!”

 

Lexa knew there was a lot of unresolved issues between them. Lexa could tell that Clarke was spiraling out of control because the blonde was muttering things to herself and frantically shaking her head.

 

“And now there’s another woman in the picture, so of course you don’t want me anymore. Of course, we can’t be together because you’re interested in someone else. The _only_ thing keeping us from being completely destroyed is Ethan.”

 

“Clarke, stop.”

 

“I’m going to go back out there like you suggested.” Clarke said quietly. “I’m sorry I tried-“

 

“Clarke-“

 

“To kiss you. It won’t happen again.”

 

_“Clarke!”_

 

Lexa tried to call after Clarke, but the blonde was already out the door. Lexa sighed and closed her eyes before rushing out the door, but Clarke was nowhere in sight.

 

Lexa knew she shouldn’t have tried to stop the kiss. It was the only thing she’d been wanting for weeks, but she knew the timing wasn’t right. She had no idea what would’ve happened if they would’ve kissed. Lexa knew she wouldn’t have been able to control herself and that wasn’t what they needed to focus on right now.

 

Lexa walked down the hall as if her heart wasn’t breaking and instead went to go find her family. She went to go find Clarke.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys. Thank you for those of you who are still interested in this story. I have plans to start updating all of my stories more frequently and I have a few new stories I hope to put out soon! 
> 
> Thank you for all the support on all of my stories. It really does mean a lot. I hope y'all enjoy!

* * *

 

“Hey, Ontari. Do you think you could watch Ethan for an extra hour or two?” Lexa asked while she paced around the lobby. “I’ll add it to your paycheck.”

 

“Of course, boss.” Ontari’s cheerful voice came through the line. “How is everything?”

 

“I hope it gets better,” Lexa said, referring to what happened in the on call room. She knew she should focus on Wells, but it was so hard to do when Clarke’s lips were seconds away from her lips. “Thanks again for doing this.”

 

“It’s kinda my job now.” Ontari joked on the other side of the phone.

 

“You’re pretty good at it.” Lexa smirked.

 

“So I’ve been told,” Ontari’s smug voice rang through her ear, before the line went silent. “Ethan’s up from his nap. I gotta go, boss.”

 

“Kiss my baby for me.” Lexa demanded softly.

 

“Will do.” Came Ontari’s reply before Lexa hung up.

 

Lexa took a moment to gather herself before she walked back towards everyone else.

 

“Where’s Anya?” Lexa asked Raven when she approached her.

 

“Outside smoking.” Raven grimaced. Lexa chewed on her lip for a moment. She looked around, but all she saw were their friends. There was no sign of Clarke and Lexa sighed.

 

“I’m gonna go check on Anya.” Lexa said after a moment.

 

“Good luck, you’ll need it.” Raven grunted. Lexa frowned for a second before she walked outside.

 

It was getting late and Lexa wrapped her jacket tighter around her. She circled the entrance of the hospital before she spotted Anya leaning against the wall.

 

“Raven told me you’d be out here.” Lexa said quietly, she didn’t want to scare Anya. Lexa let the aroma of Anya’s cigarette waft through her nose and help calm her senses a bit.

 

“I just needed a breather. I needed to do something.”

 

Lexa studied Anya for a second before she leaned against the wall next to her. Anya had been quieter than normal since she got back and Lexa knew that something was bothering the soldier. She also knew better than to bring anything up because Anya would come to her eventually, she always had before. However it had been _weeks_ and Anya normally would’ve told her by now, but the soldier hadn’t cracked yet.

 

“It’s times like these, that I’m grateful I have you guys,” Lexa finally broke the silence between them. “I haven’t fully processed this. Wells didn’t deserve some drunk driver running him off the road. I just hope we can all be here for him.”

 

“Did Raven put you up to this?” Anya asked after a minute. She was squinting her eyes at Lexa and the brunette blinked back at her.

 

“No. She didn’t,” Lexa said slowly. “I was just… you know what.. never mind.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Anya immediately apologized. She opened her mouth again, but Lexa cut her off.

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but you don’t have to act like a dick to me, especially to Raven.”

 

“How would you know anything that happens in our relationship?” Anya put her cigarette out by stomping on it angrily. “You’re the last person to give me relationship advice. Look at you and Clarke.”

 

Lexa’s heart dropped at hearing Anya’s harsh words. She already knew there was something wrong with Anya, but this definitely confirmed it. Anya wasn’t even _looking_ at her. It was like a ghost of Anya standing in front of her. Lexa tried not to let the words get to her. She kept telling herself that Anya wasn’t in the best mindset right now.

 

“Geez, thanks for the low blow,” Lexa grunted. “No wonder Raven left you out here by yourself.”

 

“I didn’t ask you to come after me.”

 

“Cut the bullshit, Anya!” Lexa yelled, catching the attention of many passersby. Lexa cleared her throat before she looked into Anya’s angry eyes. “I know you just came back from war, but you’re not going to talk to me however you want!”

 

Anya scoffed, but she didn’t say anything. She stared straight ahead and Lexa was starting to lose hope in her best friend.

 

“I miss you.” Lexa said gently. Anya still didn’t break eye contact she was having with a nearby tree. The soldier tucked her hands further in her jacket.

 

“That makes two of us.” Anya breathed. Lexa’s heart broke at Anya’s confession.

 

“But you’re right here, Anya. You’re right here.” Lexa said desperately.

 

“I feel like I’m not even here right now,” Anya admitted. “I’m trying, Lexa, but I can’t do this. I can’t keep pretending everything is fine.”

 

“No one is forcing you to!” Lexa begged. “We just want to know what’s wrong.”

 

Anya immediately started shaking her head. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, but just offered Lexa another head shake.

 

“You don’t want to know.” Anya finally said.

 

“Yes, I do! That’s all I want.”

 

“I’m scared,” Anya sobbed and Lexa finally pulled her in for a hug. The soldier tried to back away, but the wall was behind her. Lexa had her trapped and wrapped her arms tight around her. “That you won’t look at me the same.”

 

“I would never-“

 

“You don’t know what I’ve done,” Anya growled before forcing Lexa off of her. “You don’t know what these hands are capable of, so don’t say you wouldn’t look at me differently, because I know you would. I’m a monster, Lexa, so just leave it alone!”

 

Lexa stared at Anya in disbelief. She barely had time to process what Anya had said before the girl was stomping off. Lexa tried to call after her, but Anya was already to her car and speeding off.

 

Lexa let out a sad sigh before she walked back inside with her head down.

 

“Where’s Anya?” Raven repeated Lexa’s previous question from earlier. Lexa looked at Raven sadly before she subtly shook her head. She could see the hurt in Raven’s eyes and it made her feel worse.

 

“We got into a little argument and she ran off.”

 

Raven was already nodding her head before Lexa even finished her sentence. She offered her a thin smile of acknowledgement before looking away. Lexa knew she was trying not to cry and she felt so helpless.

 

“I’m sure she’ll be back.” Octavia said encouragingly.

 

“She’s not coming back,” Raven whispered and tears filled her eyes. “She’s not coming back.”

 

Lexa looked around at their friends giving Raven their support. Lexa felt like an idiot because she was Anya’s best friend, but couldn’t break through to her.

 

“I hate her for leaving right now. When I need her the most.”

 

“Raven-“

 

“There’s something wrong and I don’t _know_ what it is.” Raven continued talking. Lexa’s mind was spinning because too many things were happening at once and she hadn’t seen Clarke since she ran out of the on call room.

 

“We’ll get her help.” Octavia spoke up again.

 

“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.” Raven spat bitterly and folded her arms across her chest as a few angry tears fell out. Octavia was quick to wipe them away and Lexa squeezed her knee affectionately.

 

“If it’s anyone who can break through to her, it’s the two of you.” Octavia muttered. Lexa was grateful for how optimistic Octavia was being, she needed it right now.

 

They didn’t have a chance to respond because Clarke came rushing down the hall. It had only been like a half hour since she’d saw Clarke last, but it felt like a lifetime.

 

Clarke was dressed in clean blue scrubs, a complete contrast to her bloody ones from earlier. Their almost kiss was still vividly fresh in her mind, but Lexa knew she couldn’t think about that right now. She needed to focus on Wells.

 

“He’s awake!” Clarke happily announced. Everyone stood up at once and Clarke giggled. “One at a time. He’s still a bit out of it.”

 

“Well, you two should go first then.” Raven gestured between Clarke and Lexa.

 

Clarke looked at Lexa and she knew Clarke was checking to see if it was okay with her. She just nodded and followed Clarke.

 

“Okay, we won’t be long.” Clarke said, and started to rush back down the hall.

 

* * *

 

 

The last time Lexa had seen Wells, he was going off to college in California, which was nine years ago. He had an amazing scholarship that anyone would have been crazy to turn down. It was rough on their friendship for the longest time. They never had enough time to FaceTime with how busy they were, but they stayed in touch for the most part. Recently, they hadn’t talked at all and Lexa had no idea Wells was even in the city.

 

Lexa’s heart pounded as she walked alongside Clarke. She couldn’t believe she was getting ready to come face to face with an old friend and one that just suffered a terrible accident.

 

“He’s still a bit out of it, but he’s responsive and he did remember who I was so that’s good,” Clarke spoke as they walked the mostly empty hall. “He’s excited to see you.”

 

“I’m excited to see him too.” Lexa said with a tiny smile.

 

When they had finally reached his room, Abby and Thelonious were in there with him, but left once they walked through the door.

 

“See you soon, son.” Thelonious said over his shoulder. Wells offered him a tiny wave before he flashed Lexa a huge smile.

 

“Well, as I live and breathe, I can’t believe I have the one Miss. Lexa Woods standing in front of me. You’re kinda big deal around this city.” Wells said with bright eyes. Lexa let out a sad chuckle, and came over to his bedside.

 

“And I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were in town.”

 

“I was trying to surprise my dad. I was here for half the day before-“ Wells trailed off sadly, and looked down at his broken leg.

 

“I’m really glad you’re okay.” Lexa said, pulling her old friend into a gentle hug.

 

“I have Clarke to thank for that.” Wells offered Clarke a bright smile.

 

“It wasn’t all me.” Clarke waved off bashfully.

 

“Where’s everyone? I thought they were all here too?” Wells asked in confusion.

 

“They are, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you.” Clarke explained.

 

“The more, the merrier.” Wells said enthusiastically.

 

“I guess that means for me to go get them.” Clarke laughed and Wells gave her a thumbs up.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here!” Lexa said. “I’ve missed you so much.”

 

“Me too!” Wells gushed. “All of you. I can’t believe I took so long to visit.”

 

“Life can be hectic sometimes. I completely understand. It’s not like I’ve been good at keeping in touch.”

 

“I always knew you would make it big,” Wells said with a cheeky smile. “You're a big deal even out in California. None of my friends there believe that I know you.”

 

“That’s very kind of you. It took a lot of work and effort.”

 

“I’m happy for you.” Wells said.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa said warmly, and cuddled up to his side.

 

The door flew open a couple minutes later and everyone piled in, including Abby and Thelonious. After everyone greeted Wells and put flowers on his bedside table, they all got comfortable around the room. They were all engaging in different conversations and even though Lexa was constantly surrounded by her friends, having Wells here was like the missing piece to their puzzle.

 

Everyone fit perfectly with each other and nothing was awkward, even though Wells had been away for so long.

 

“Oh, Lexa,” Clarke called, catching a few of their friends attention, including Wells. “Did you call the babysitter?”

 

“I did,” Lexa hummed. “I need to leave soon to get Ethan.”

 

“Ethan? Who’s Ethan?” Wells questioned. Everyone in the room went completely silent and Clarke cleared her throat.

 

“Our son.” Clarke answered awkwardly.

 

“Our?” Wells questioned further and Lexa realized that Wells had no idea they had a baby together.

 

“Yeah. We have a baby together.” Lexa explained vaguely, but Wells let out a shit–eating grin.

 

“I knew it!” Wells exclaimed as best he could. “I knew you two would end up together and now you have a kid? Congratulations!”

 

No one said a word and Lexa swallowed thickly. She looked at Clarke briefly and shook her head at Wells.

 

“We aren’t together.” Lexa muttered quietly. Wells looked between them in confusion and everyone had looks on their faces that screamed not to question it. Wells finally caught on and cleared his throat.

 

“I’m sorry,” Wells apologized. “I just thought-“

 

“Everyone does,” Lexa quickly cut him off. “But we aren’t together so don’t worry about it. On that note, I should leave to go pick him up.”

 

“Lexa, I’m sorry,” Wells said again. “Don’t leave.”

 

“I’ll be back, for sure. I should just-  I just need- I’ll be back.” Lexa finally settled on and quickly dashed out the door, and didn’t dare make eye contact with Clarke.

 

“Clarke, I didn’t mean to cause any problems.”

 

“Trust me,” Clarke deadpanned. “You haven’t caused a thing.”

 

Clarke sighed heavily and busied herself with checking Wells’ vitals.

 

* * *

 

 

As the night wore on, everyone left except Clarke who had stayed behind to make sure everything was okay with Wells and her other patients. She was getting ready to wrap things up, but wanted to check on Wells one more time. It was nearing one in the morning and she was beyond exhausted. She couldn’t wait to get home and kiss Ethan goodnight.

 

Wells was surprisingly still up when Clarke went to check on him. She worked in silence before Wells’ staring became too much.

 

“What?” Clarke asked. Wells squinted his eyes at her and relaxed back in his bed.

 

“You have a baby with Lexa, but you guys aren’t together?” Wells laid his concerns out. “Pardon me, but aren’t you two like _destined_ to be together?”

 

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Clarke rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed.

 

“Stop trying to ignore my question.”

 

Clarke blew out a breath and looked at her childhood friend. It had been so long since she’d seen him and it felt good to be in his presence. He always had a way of getting the truth out of her, but Clarke didn’t know how much she was willing to share.

 

“I messed things up with her,” Clarke confessed. “She had feelings for me and I told her I didn’t.”

 

Wells sat back for a minute and absorbed the information.

 

“That’s a lie, right?” Wells asked smugly.

 

“No,” Clarke mumbled. “I mean, at the time, it wasn’t but now…”

 

“Yes?” Wells finished with a smirk.

 

“My heart _aches_ to be with her, Wells.”

 

“So, why not tell her?” Wells asked slowly, as if he just solved all the world’s problems.

 

Clarke sighed heavily and shifted to sit more comfortably. She shook her head, tears already welling up in her eyes.

 

“You think she’s just going to take me back? She had feelings for me this whole time. I can’t just snap my fingers and tell her to just suddenly be with me. That isn’t how the world works. Besides, she’s been hanging out with that… _Luna_ person.”

 

“Luna?”

 

“Lexa’s… Lexa’s … oh whatever she is!” Clarke finished angrily.

 

“Girlfriend? Sex buddy?”

 

“She had a sex buddy. Look where that got her.” Clarke fired back, looking Wells in his eyes.

 

“Wow,” Wells mouthed. “Love really does make you do some crazy shit.”

 

“I don’t even know where to start.”

 

This time, Wells sighed and shook his head. His best friend could be so… _oblivious_.

 

“If I know one thing in this world, the definition of real love is you and Lexa-“

 

Clarke opened her mouth, getting ready to tell Wells he couldn’t be further from the truth, but Wells cut her off by holding up a finger.

 

“Let me say this, you love struck teenager.” Wells smiled, and Clarke sighed, but obeyed. She knew he was about to say something’s, Clarke didn’t want to hear.

 

“I believe we are put on this earth for one person,” Wells continued his speech. “I mean look at all the failed relationships you had. The people you’ve pushed away.”

 

“I did not-“

 

“Let me finish,” Wells chuckled. “You always found something wrong with them, even back in high school. My point is, they were never Lexa. I know you never had the revelation of being in love with your best friend, but that’s why I’m here. To tell you that you are, even if you don’t know it yet.”

 

Clarke didn’t stop the tears from falling nor did she wipe them away. She didn’t need to when she was around Wells. He was truly the only person that could talk some sense into her.

 

“If Lexa loves you the way I know she does, she’s waiting for you, Clarke. It doesn’t matter if she’s hanging out with someone else because that person isn’t you. You have the advantage here, not her. Once you have someone’s heart, Clarke, it’s game over. You’re at the point in the game where you need to make your move. Seize the day and go get your girl.”

 

“It’s not that simple.” Clarke said sadly.

 

“If being in this hospital bed has taught me anything, it’s that you shouldn’t wait for the things you want in life. You have the job, you have the baby, no matter how messy it was to get him. Now, all you need is the girl. I’d rather die, than watch this fall apart, when you have the piece to put it all together.”

 

“You think I could really do this?” Clarke asked softly, insecurity clear in her voice. If only Wells knew how badly she’d messed it up, then he would understand why Clarke didn’t have any more hope left.

 

“Lexa is a puppy. She may be all hard and tough on the outside, like a commander, but you know better than anyone else exactly how sweet and soft she is underneath. That’s your girl, Clarke. I’m begging you to go get her.”

 

“I think I- I can do it!” Clarke said bravely, despite tripping over her words.

 

“There’s my overly self-confident best friend!” Wells nodded in encouragement.

 

“I’m gonna do this thing!” Clarke nodded. “I’m gonna make the move. I’m gonna get my girl!”

 

They celebrated the best they could with Wells still being hospitalized. Clarke stopped halfway, looking at Wells in horror.

 

“How do I get the girl?”

 

Wells just shook his head and smiled. His best friend would never learn.

  


* * *

 

 

It was still cold enough that you had to wear a jacket outside, but the city was glowing. Clarke wanted to show Ethan where she grew up. Ethan was bundled up in multiple layers with a thick blanket wrapped around him.

 

Clarke had some free time on her hands while Ontari was in class and Lexa was at work. The sun warmed Clarke’s cold cheeks as she walked down the sidewalk.

 

It had been two weeks since her conversation with Wells. She kept asking him how she should go about this, and he would answer, _no one knows but you_. It annoyed Clarke to no end, but she supposed he was right. No one was going to know how to win Lexa over better than her. She had to figure this one out by herself, but had no idea where to even start.  

 

Clarke headed to their old high school as she sipped her hot chocolate and pushed Ethan along with her. She smiled at the old abandoned pond a few miles away from her school. She stopped and pulled Ethan to the side with her.

 

“I used to wait here everyday after school until your mom was done with chess club,” Clarke let out a snort, and looked down at their son. “She’s probably going to kill me for telling you that. She was such a nerd, but she was so smart and helped me a lot in school. I have no doubt you’ll be smart like her. We used to walk down this strip and we caused so much trouble.”

 

Clarke let out a laugh, thinking about all the times they would purposely get in trouble during their adolescent years.

 

“I miss it,” Clarke sighed. She could see their old high school from here. She could see the old faded logo and their school colors. “Your mom and I were inseparable. We were always together, even when we were dating other people. My boyfriends would get so jealous because I would always talk about Lexa when she wasn’t around me.”

 

Clarke pressed her lips into a thin smile. She was starting to realize that maybe Lexa _did_ have feelings for her this whole time and had never even acknowledged it. She never knew, but felt like an idiot for not seeing it before.

 

Clarke quickly shook her head and walked more until they passed their high school and continued down the street until a small pizza parlor came into view.

 

It was too crowded on the other side, so Clarke sat down on a familiar bench that was their favorite back then. She almost broke down when she reached around the edge of the bench and felt the familiar indentions.

 

Clarke looked over and ran her fingers across her young, sloppy writing. It was their initials with a big heart around it. Clarke couldn’t believe it was still here and took a picture of it to show Lexa later.

 

Clarke put her phone away before speaking to Ethan.

 

“This is where mommy used to work. She wanted to start saving money for college, but she got a full scholarship. I was so proud of her because I knew how much going to college meant to her.” Clarke faced Ethan towards the pizza place and smiled fondly.

 

“I can’t tell you how many times I sat here waiting for mommy to get off work,” Clarke smiled sadly. “We’d get a whole bunch of junk food and binge watch movies all night.”

 

Clarke walked further down the street, looking at the old pizza place. She breathed in deep, remembering her youth and how much time she spent with Lexa.

 

“Your mother is very special to me,” Clarke spoke softly. She was glad that she wasn’t by herself because she probably looked crazy talking to herself. “I’d do anything for her and I wish things were different. I hope that I can do right by you, baby boy. I wish I could go back and realize it sooner. I think I’m starting to realize it now. No- I know I’m starting to realize it now.”

 

Clarke walked a few more feet in silence, trying to piece it all together. All the late nights, and cuddling they would do, the talking on the phone late at night until her mother came in and begged her to go to sleep so she wouldn’t be cranky in the morning. All the times they were just _together_.

 

Even the friendships she had with Raven and Octavia couldn’t compare to what she had with Lexa. She didn’t suggest having a baby with either of them, only Lexa.

 

Clarke focused on Ethan’s facial expressions. He was mostly yawning, but he looked just like Lexa. It almost creeped Clarke out how much he looked like her, but she loved it to no end.

 

“Blink once if you think me and Mommy should be together.” Clarke said as she started to turn the stroller around.

 

Clarke knew it was a silly request, but her heart started to pound in her chest the second Ethan blinked his eyes. The trees swayed around them and the wind that hit Clarke, felt like a fresh start.

 

A new start.

 

Not just because of Ethan. Clarke knew she started thinking about it more and more and being with Lexa was something she wanted to do. It was something she needed to do. She couldn’t keep running away from her feelings. She didn’t want to.

 

Even if Lexa didn’t want this anymore, Clarke at least needed to lay all her cards out on the table and tell Lexa how she really felt. She deserved to know.

 

And it wasn’t because of Ethan or because she was having a mental breakdown. Ever since her talk with Wells, she felt like a new chapter in her life could finally start.

 

It was the one where she got the girl. (Or at least Clarke hoped it was the one where she got the girl).

 

Lexa wasn’t just any girl. She was a beautiful woman and her childhood best friend. She was the mother of her baby and Clarke felt like an idiot for pushing her away. She also knew she couldn’t force her feelings, but hated that it took her so long to finally realize them.

 

She didn’t think she would ever deserve Lexa, but it didn’t hurt to try because Clarke was sick of the awkward tension between them and wanted to make up for being a total jerk.

 

They hadn’t talked about their almost kiss and Clarke didn’t want to ignore it anymore. She didn’t want to gloss over her feelings. She wanted to make things right and hoped it would be.

 

She wanted Lexa.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa looked at the distraught state her best friend was in, and her lip quivered. She hadn’t explained anything yet and Lexa was already close to tears. She obviously knew something wasn’t right with Anya, and she’d dropped everything to come over to see if everything was okay when Anya called.

 

Raven was next to her on the couch with her legs folded, as they both looked at Anya expectantly.

 

Anya was currently pacing back and forth in front of them. No matter what, Lexa never wanted Anya to feel forced into admitting anything.

 

Anya didn’t want the two people she loved most in this world to be in the dark. She didn’t want to keep carrying around this horrible secret anymore. She wanted them to know. So, she could maybe feel better. She wanted to feel free.

 

“I think I owe you guys both an apology,” Anya finally muttered. She stood still and ran her hands over her face. “I’ve been acting like an ass and I’ve been taking it out on both of you and I’m sorry.”

 

“Anya, you don’t have-“ Lexa started to say, but Anya cut her off.

 

“I need to say this before I lose my courage.”

 

Raven hated how small her girlfriend looked right now, but she knew she should stay where she was on the couch. If Anya was getting ready to tell them what happened, she wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.

 

“The floor is yours.” Raven spoke steadily. She gave Anya an encouraging nod.

 

“He looked at me with such disgust.” Raven tried her hardest not to react. She knew whatever was going to come out of Anya’s mouth next, wasn’t going to be good.

 

Anya paced around the room and didn’t make eye contact with either of them.

 

“They caught two of my guys and I should’ve seen it coming. They bombed our camp and they… they captured me.”

 

Raven let out a small gasp, but stayed rooted to her spot.

 

“A part of me died in that camp that night.” Anya was barely keeping her emotions in check. There were already tears streaming down her face and she wiped them away angrily.

 

“I’m sure it-“ Anya cut Lexa off again and the brunette sighed.

 

“After he captured me, he looked at me, then back at one of my guys. There was a long pause, and I hated the look on his face. He said: kill him or I’m going to kill you.”

 

After that confession, Raven shot up from the couch and rushed over to her girlfriend.

 

“I- I- I had no other choice, but to- to-“ Anya sobbed out once Raven’s arms were wrapped around her. “He didn’t give me a choice- he didn’t give me- and my guy looked at me and nodded. He told me I have too much to lose and to just do it.”

 

Lexa stayed silent, but her heart broke for her best friend. She had bags under her eyes, her hair was all over the place and her eyes were bloodshot red. She looked exhausted and Lexa knew Anya was never going to forgive herself.

 

“He kinda looked like Jasper, but with a way bigger nose and he was skinner. That asshole gave me a minute to decide before putting the gun in my hand. I- I shot h-him, Raven. I- took one of my men’s lives and he let me go after doing it. That sick man just let m-me _walk_.” Anya was speaking in a monotone voice. “Not before beating me up and telling me I had five minutes to leave or I’ll be shot on sight. So I ran and five days later, I was discharged after being rescued.”

 

Lexa quietly walked over to her best friend. She rested a hand on the shoulder Raven wasn’t leaning on and the three of them held each other for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

 

“Ontari offered to babysit tonight,” Lexa said as she walked into the family room a week later. “I don’t know what college kid offers to babysit on a Friday night, but she said we needed it. I don’t know if I should be offended by that or not.”

 

“Well, that was awfully nice of her.” Clarke hid her smirk behind her phone. 

 

“I think she’s just using us for our money.” Lexa shot back which made Clarke chuckle.

 

“You’re probably right,” Clarke giggled, leaning further into the couch. “I ordered a few pizzas if you want to join me.”

 

“I would like that.”

 

With Ethan staying awake for longer periods at a time, they’d been spending more time together. Ethan was like their own personal TV. Everything he did, entertained them like it was the six o’clock news channel.

 

Wells kept calling Clarke, asking if she won the game yet. She hadn’t won anything. She hadn’t even made a move, but she figured this could be the start.

 

She didn’t even have to pay Ontari extra to watch Ethan for the night, the girl was willing to do it for her normal pay (which was still a lot). She asked Ontari in advance so she’d be free to watch Ethan. She wanted to take this Friday night to just hang out with Lexa.

 

She missed her.

 

It was the first time since Ethan was born that they had a night to themselves. Clarke almost didn’t know what to do with herself. She kept finding herself reaching over, but Ethan wasn’t there.

 

“Is it just me,” Lexa started, looking around the family room. “Or does the house seem quieter without Ethan? I love our son to death, but he’s starting to babble like you.”

 

“I don’t go on and on like that.”

 

“You talked to me twenty minutes straight about how to put dishes in the dishwasher, Clarke, I know how to load a dishwasher.”

 

“You can’t just put them in, any kind of way. Especially the big pots.” Clarke defended her argument from before. Lexa just giggled and closed her eyes.

 

“I almost don’t know what to do with myself, Clarke. What do we do without our three month old? I could jump out an airplane. I could go streaking.”

 

“Let’s hold off on that, cowgirl,” Clarke chuckled. “But you’re right. I don’t know what to do.”

 

“It’s sorta nice out. We could get in the hot tub or we could work out.” Lexa suggested, but Clarke scrunched her face up in disgust. “Or not.”

 

“The only exercise I’m doing tonight is picking up my pizza and putting it in my mouth.”

 

“It does sound like a chilled evening. Maybe Ontari was right. Maybe we needed this.”

 

The doorbell rang and Clarke jumped up excitedly. She paid and tipped the pizza man before heading to the kitchen, Lexa hot on her heels.

 

They got their food and sat down at the table in the kitchen.

 

“Okay, I have a confession to make.” Clarke said halfway into their meal. Lexa looked at her with raised eyebrows, gesturing for her to continue.

 

“This wasn’t Ontari’s idea,” Clarke admitted, making Lexa frown. “It was mine. I thought we could use it.”

 

“I’m all for hanging out, Clarke. I just- why?” Lexa asked bluntly.

 

“I wanted to spend time with you. This isn’t me being jealous that you would be out with Luna either. I just wanted to spend time with you, just us.”

 

Lexa took a moment to look at Clarke. Lexa had worked from home today, and they’d spent quite a bit of time together already. Clarke had a few surgeries earlier this morning and into the late afternoon.

 

Even in sweats, Clarke still managed to take her breath away. Lexa tried not to read too much into Clarke wanting to spend time together. She probably wanted to make sure they were both on the same page when it came to Ethan.

 

“That’s very sweet of you.”

 

“And we've been hanging out this whole time and haven’t gotten into a single argument.”

 

“You don’t have to show me a whole PowerPoint presentation on why we should hang out,” Lexa teased Clarke. “I like hanging out with you and hopefully we can do this more.”

 

“I’m hoping so.”

 

“So, can we get in the hot tub after this?”

 

“You really want to go, huh? Trying to see my goods?”

 

“I’ve already seen them. I’m okay.”

 

“Hey!” Clarke threw her pizza crust across the table.

 

“I’m kidding, but I just think it’s the perfect night. It’s cold, but it’s not freezing.”

 

“You have me sold!” Clarke said after a few minutes of thinking about it.

 

Maybe the hot tub was the perfect place for her confession. To make things right between them, or at least, not so awkward. With that in mind, Clarke finished eating as quickly as she could.

 

They waited for a bit, not waiting to get in with a full belly before they went to change.

 

* * *

 

 

The hot water that seeped into Clarke’s bones, almost made her moan in pleasure. After being on her feet today during her surgeries, this was the perfect solution to help relax her. She normally didn’t have time because of Ethan.

 

Sitting with Lexa who was drinking a beer for the both of them, was like icing on top of the cake. She loved Ethan dearly, but there was no place she wanted to be more. She wanted to spend the rest of her time making this up to Lexa.

 

She had no idea how to approach the situation. She could tell Lexa wasn’t fully relaxed from where she was. The woman looked a bit on edge, even with the beers in her hand and Clarke didn’t know why.

 

The stars were shining brightly above them, the moon was even brighter and Clarke thought this was the perfect atmosphere to lay her cards out on the table.

 

To finally make something right.

 

“Could you come over here?” Lexa was on the opposite side of the hot tub. Clarke saw her swallow hard, but made her way over to her.

 

“Yes?” Lexa squeaked and Clarke eyes widened.

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

“No,” Lexa nodded her head. “But maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Just because.” Lexa explained vaguely, trying to move away from Clarke.

 

Lexa was trying to swim back over to the opposite side, but Clarke grabbed a hold of her. The force in which Clarke turned her around, knocked Lexa off her feet. The brunette came crashing into her side, and Clarke let out a surprise gasp.

 

“I- I’m sorry.” Lexa said sheepishly, trying to swim away, successfully this time.

 

It happened quicker than ever before. Lexa couldn’t truly relax in the water when she felt it happening. She was twenty-seven years old, but she got boners like she was a teenager.

 

She didn’t know if it was either Clarke’s long legs she couldn’t stop staring at when she climbed in the hot tub or Clarke’s breasts which were on full display right now, but it had pushed Lexa over the edge. It didn’t help that Clarke’s bathing suit was a size too small, and Lexa couldn’t help but notice.

 

“So, that’s why this wasn’t a good idea?” Clarke smirked.

 

“Oh, be quiet,” Lexa said weakly, glad the bubbles were making it harder to see. “It’s not like I can exactly stop it.”

 

“We can get out if you want.” Clarke offered softly, not really knowing what to do.

 

“I’ll get out and you can just.. I should probably.. I mean- I’ll just go shower and- or I could-“

 

“Lexa-“ Clarke said softly, reaching out for the embarrassed woman.

 

“I blame Ethan. He made those things just...” Lexa gestured to her breasts, making her hands spread apart. “They’re huge!”

 

Clarke couldn’t help the warmth that spread through her, and it had nothing to do with the fact that they were sitting in scorching hot water.

 

“Right. I’m just going to go.” Lexa nodded to herself, scolding herself from making this situation so awkward.

 

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from peaking. It wasn’t like Lexa could hide it. The minute Lexa got up, she could’ve sworn the tent in her swim trunks grew, but she didn’t have time to ponder. Lexa gathered her stuff up quickly and dashed inside.

 

Clarke felt bad, but let Lexa take care of herself even though part of her wanted to help. She couldn’t blame Lexa for this. She was kind of glad because she had no idea how to go about this. Clarke waited another ten minutes before she got out and headed inside too.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke found Lexa in her room, watching TV, hands folded behind her head.

 

“Hey.” Clarke knocked on the door, a plate of cookies in her hand. This was attempt number two, and hoped it would go her way. After the shower she had, she felt like she gained her confidence back to make her move.

 

Lexa sat up at the sight of food and motioned for Clarke to sit down.

 

“I’m sorry about earlier. I-“

 

“Lexa, you don’t have to explain it. It’s okay.”

 

“I just wish I could control it. I really can’t.”

 

“It’s okay.” Clarke nodded again, reaching for a cookie to busy herself. This seemed a little more intimate. There were no stars or moon or hot water to calm her nerves.

 

There was only the TV that played in the background and a plate of homemade cookies. This was real. Clarke was sitting across from Lexa and this moment was really happening. It was freaking her out.

 

This was Lexa sitting across from her. Her best friend through thick and thin. The one girl, Clarke could always lean on and it took her years to finally realize that she was in love with her too. Yeah, Clarke had no _idea_ what she was doing.

 

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Clarke spoke in a smooth, steady tone. “I actually wanted to say it in the hot tub, but then-“

 

“My boner ruined it.”

 

“Yeah, that.” Clarke nodded awkwardly.

 

“Well, what is it?”

 

This was Clarke’s moment. She was going to confess everything to Lexa. She was going to make this right because at this point, there was no more hiding. Once she said this, there's no going back.

 

“I don’t think you know how hard it is to go to sleep next to you every night without being able to hold you,” Clarke confessed and looked Lexa in the eye. “Or not kiss you when I’m near you. It breaks my heart because it took me so long to realize it. I do have feelings for you, Lexa. You probably don’t believe me and I don’t blame you. I told you that I didn’t feel the same way and I know I broke your heart...”

 

Lexa put her cookie down and blew out a breath. She listened to every word Clarke said with her undivided attention. She had no idea what to make of Clarke’s confession, but her heart was beating in hopes that Clarke felt the same about her.

 

“I was focusing on everything else, that I didn’t stop and consider your feelings or mine for that matter. I was completely selfish and insensitive. You mean so much to me, Lexa. We’ve been through so much and I know everything about you. It scares me how much I know about you and how much you know about me. You’ve seen me at my rock bottom and still stuck around. I don’t know how to make this right. I don’t know what to do.”

 

Lexa stayed silent for another moment. She put the plate on the bedside table before turning her body to face Clarke. She studied her face for a second, admiring the little mole on her upper lip before clearing her throat.

 

“I think you should start with being honest. We both should.” Lexa suggested hesitantly, having no idea that Clarke was going to say those things. Things weren’t the greatest between them, Lexa had no idea how to move forward either.

 

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I hurt our chances of being together.”

 

“It did hurt. I think that was clear, but we can’t keep thinking about the past. We need to focus on trying to fix our relationship.”

 

“I agree.”

 

They stayed silent for a moment, both staring at each other intently. Lexa couldn’t believe Clarke’s confession. She had no idea how this night was going to turn out, but she didn’t think it was going to be Clarke confessing how she really felt.

 

“What now?” Lexa asked awkwardly, which made Clarke chuckle.

 

“I really don’t know.” Clarke chewed on her bottom lip. “I would like to try, but I don’t want you to think I’m just saying that because you want to hear it. I told you I’ve done a lot of thinking and with Wells being around, he had me think about it even more. I want this, Lexa. I want to try this out with you.”

 

“Really?” Lexa breathed, trying not to get emotional. “Is that what you really want?”

 

“It is,” Clarke said emotionally. “I just want you, and I want to try to make this work. I’m sick of feeling like a failure. I just want _you_.”

 

Lexa offered Clarke a small, inviting smile. She looked into Clarke’s eyes and noticed how calm they were, how much she was trying to express how she feels. Lexa still couldn’t believe this was happening. She couldn’t believe she was sitting in bed with her best friend, who just confessed her feelings for her.

 

Lexa didn’t think twice about it when she opened her arms. Clarke let out a relieved sighed and quickly made her way over to Lexa.

 

They fell into each other’s arms, for once, feeling like they both belonged. Lexa had so much hope in her heart that this could work. That they could really be together because this was all that she wanted. Clarke was everything Lexa had ever wanted.

 

“I’m so sorry.” Clarke whispered into her ear. “For everything.”

 

“It just took you longer.” Lexa replied after a moment, pulling away from the hug.

 

“I guess it did,” Clarke nodded. “Do you want to go downstairs to get more pizza?”

 

Lexa nodded before turning her TV off. She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that she was walking downstairs with the mother of her baby. A woman who happened to be her best friend. A woman who had just confessed feelings for her. (Lexa wanted to pinch herself, but thought that was very cliche).

 

Lexa didn’t need to pinch herself when she felt Clarke brush past her to get two new plates. Their eyes had danced back and forth, smirking at each other as if they were in on some inside joke.

 

Clarke opened the pizza box on the stove before peaking at the clock.

 

“Ontari said she would be here around 9:30.”  

 

“I should’ve known something was up when Ontari randomly called and told me she was free to watch Ethan.” Lexa scolded herself, a smirk playing at her lips.

 

“I wanted us to have this time.” Clarke said, walking closer to Lexa. The brunette didn’t say anything, but out of habit, she took a step back. Clarke followed her until she had her pinned against the kitchen counter.

 

Lexa gulped when Clarke invaded her space. The blonde leaned against her and Lexa felt like the air was being sucked out of her. Clarke’s bright blue eyes were boring into hers, and Lexa stayed stiff against the counter.

 

“You told me not to do this until I was ready. I wanted to kiss you at the hospital, but I’m glad you stopped me. The timing was terrible. I want to do this now, Lexa. I want to kiss you. I don’t think I can’t go another minute without it.”

 

“Clarke, I just want to make sure you’re absolutely sure.”

 

“I am!” Clarke reassured her. “You can’t question it too much before you completely kill the mood.”

 

“Clarke...” Lexa said, her voice barely above a whisper. Her hands already coming to rest against Clarke’s side. The blonde stepped closer, if that was even possible and nodded.

 

“I’m going to kiss you now, Lexa.” Clarke’s breath tickled against Lexa’s, the only thing Lexa could do was nod.

 

She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Clarke was standing in her personal space. She still couldn’t believe that Clarke had went through all this trouble just to spend an evening with her. Lexa wasn’t complaining. She could never with the way Clarke was looking at her. Her guard was completely down, and Lexa met her halfway when she started to lean in.

 

Lexa couldn’t wait. She didn’t want anything else to ruin it. Not another person, a phone call or her unwanted boner. There was nothing that could come between her capturing Clarke’s lips and making them hers.

 

Lexa instantly melted the second she felt Clarke’s soft lips against hers, molding perfectly together. Like they were always meant to be. Like they would always find their way back to each other. Lexa fit perfectly with Clarke, and tilted her head to deepen the kiss.

 

Clarke had a hand resting against her arm as she focused on keeping their lips locked. Lexa’s heart was already beating out of her chest and with Clarke cutting off her airway, she was breathing deeply through her nose. But Lexa wasn’t going to break the kiss. They had just started.

 

She tightened her grip around Clarke’s sides and pulled her flush against her. Clarke was pulling, nipping and biting her bottom lip. Lexa didn’t know what to do with her hands so she kept them locked against Clarke’s sides.

 

Lexa pulled back for a moment, switching the angle to kiss Clarke deeper. Clarke had chased her lips the entire way. Lexa could’ve sworn one of them let out a moan. Lexa wasn’t sure which one of them it was, she was too focused on finding Clarke’s tongue. She needed it against hers, to taste all the promises she had for her.

 

Lexa was panting against Clarke’s mouth and knew for sure it had to be her that moaned. The second she felt Clarke’s hot tongue finally slide inside her mouth, Lexa’s mind short circuited, and the only way she could express herself was by moaning. Clarke’s tongue being in her mouth was a feeling she couldn’t quite put into words.

 

Having the girl she was in love with in her arms, kissing her with such fiery passion, Lexa was having a hard time keeping up. She let Clarke find her tongue and the second she did, they collided against each other.

 

This time, Lexa knew it was Clarke that moaned. Lexa had to fight back her smirk, because she was glad Clarke was enjoying this as much as she was. Their tongues slipped and slid against each other until Lexa could feel the air ruining out of her lungs.

 

“God, Lexa. You’re so hot.” Clarke whispered out between their frantic kissing. Lexa bit down on Clarke’s bottom lip before pulling away.

 

“I just need a minute.” Lexa’s lungs felt like they were on fire. Clarke didn’t move from where she was against Lexa. She rested her head against Lexa’s chin and waited.

 

“This was all I’ve ever wanted,” Lexa said shyly. “I can’t believe I really have it.”

 

“I can’t believe I was so stupid,” Clarke said against her, placing a soft kiss to the underside of her jaw. “I want to make this up to you.”

 

“I think you already have,” Lexa said dreamily. “And don’t you dare apologize again. I want to make a deal. No more apologizing. Let’s just move forward.”

 

“Okay, that sounds pretty good.” Clarke nodded. “Should we seal it with a kiss?”

 

“Most definitely.” Lexa responded immediately before lifting Clarke’s head up.

 

She took a moment to tuck some of Clarke’s hair behind her ear and guided Clarke’s mouth towards her.

 

She didn’t know what the future held for them, but all she knew was that Clarke was here and she was finally willing to try. That was all Lexa had wanted, and she didn’t want to mess this up. She had no idea how they were going to move forward, but kissing didn’t sound bad at all.

 

Clarke invaded her senses once again. Lexa was getting ready to lift Clarke on top of the countertop when the doorbell rang. Their mouths were so close to closing in on each other, Lexa groaned.

 

“I think that’s our baby boy,” Clarke said into the quiet of the kitchen. “Lets go get him.”

 

Even though Lexa was devastated that their make out session just got interrupted, she was more than thrilled that her baby was home. Lexa quickly followed Clarke to the front door.

 

“Hi, guys!” Ontari greeted as she walked inside and handed over the car seat. “I just fed and changed him. He should be ready to go down any minute now.”

 

“Thank you, Ontari. We really appreciate it.” Clarke said, looking expectantly at Lexa.

 

“Yeah, sure. I’ll pay her.” Lexa rolled her eyes and went to go get her wallet as Clarke got their son.

 

“Hey, baby boy,” Clarke sung softly as she kissed his head. “Thanks again.”

 

“It was no problem!” Ontari answered as Lexa reluctantly handed Ontari the money. “Sweet! Bye guys.”

 

“Bye.” They both said in unison. Lexa picked up the car seat and moved it out of the way before they decided to take the food upstairs along with Ethan.

 

“Did you really mean that stuff?” Lexa asked softly as they both walked into the master bedroom. “About falling asleep every night without being able to hold me?”

 

“I meant all of it,” Clarke answered, handing Ethan over to her so she could pull the covers down. “Every single word.”

 

“Well, that’s good to know, isn’t it?” Lexa asked rhetorically down to her son who was already dozing off.

 

“I’d like if you’d stay with me tonight, but I’m not forcing you. I understand if you don’t.”

 

“I don’t have a problem with it. We’ve done it plenty of times before.”

 

“Okay.” Clarke responded easily as she wiggled her fingers. Lexa handed over Ethan before climbing in bed herself and turning the TV on.

 

“I missed him so much.” Lexa cooed as she crawled over to them. She kissed Ethan on his head before smoothing down his hair. It was starting to come in dirty blonde, just like Clarke’s.

 

“Me too,” Clarke sighed, looking down at her son who was already fast asleep. “So much.”

 

“He’s so adorable,” Lexa said in awe. “If only he would sleep for just a couple more hours during the night.”

 

“Oh, that reminds me,” Clarke gestured to the mini fridge they had in the corner of the room. “You’re on baby duty tonight.”

 

“No fair!” Lexa shook her head playfully.

 

“I was on it last night. You shouldn’t have agreed to do it tonight.”

 

“I was half asleep when you asked me!”

 

“I know.” Clarke smiled wickedly and Lexa rolled her eyes.

 

“Here, let’s put him in his co-sleeper. I’m not trying to separate us tonight especially after what you said. I would just like to sleep with both of you.”

 

“That’s a great idea.” Clarke yawned and looked at the clock. It wasn’t even ten-thirty yet, but she was beyond exhausted.

 

They all snuggled up to each other, Lexa the last one to fall asleep. The second Lexa turned the TV down some and made sure Ethan would sleep for a while, Clarke was out. She made a promise how they were going to talk more tomorrow and Lexa couldn’t wait for it.

 

She couldn’t help the happy feeling in her stomach. All these wrong moves they had made, Lexa felt like they finally made the right one. She didn’t know if they were immediately going to jump into a relationship, she didn’t think they were ready for that. But they were finally ready to be happy. Lexa was ready to be happy.

 

And with her son fast asleep beside her, and the woman she was in love with, snoring quietly on the other side, Lexa couldn’t help but feel that shimmer of happiness just around the corner. She couldn’t wait for what was in store for them.


End file.
